an update.

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi everyone, haven't posted for a while, thought I would give an update on how I'm feeling, just feel I need to write it down.

Broke up with me ex mid November, L/C since chrstmas, N/C since mid January.

She got with an ex the day after we broke up and denied me seeing step son so the new guy can take up the father role .

How I felt back at the start of break up:

Severe depression, anger, desperate need for closure, miss her and her son so much. She is on my mind too much, I I find myself checking my phone every minute to see if she has text. I find it hard to enjoy things. She haunts my dreams. Jelousey, finding it hard to resist contacting her. I compare other girls to her and no one matches her. She is on a huge pedastal in my mind. Am in denial that she doesn't want to be with me anymore. don't feel I will ever get over her.

How I feel now:

Fairly happy, I can enjoy things such as tv shows, I enjoy my free time and use it to see friends and relax, keep in shape. Don't ever check my phone for her, never expect her to contact me. I still miss her son and a part of me misses her, however I don't want her back. I have ridden out the denial and have accepted that the relationship is over and that had been a huge help. I still have anger but its deep down. Starting to be attracted to other woman again. Thanks to learning about BPD and just looking back at how bad she treated me, I know longer have her on a pedestal. I am a little worried about how I will feel if/when she gets pregnant or engaged should the news come to me, I feel a lot of the negative feelings are still in me somewhere and this will bring them up. Only occasionaly in my dreams. Still have the odd bad day where I miss her more but I feel I know how to deal with it better.

What's helped me: keeping busy, doing the things I want to do, keeping fit and TIME.

I hope anyone that is in the early days of detaching can read this as I didn't feel I would get over her for months and there was no light at the tunnel, I still have a long way to go but ive definatly made progress.

[trevjim]

Hi everyone, haven't posted for a while, thought I would give an update on how I'm feeling, just feel I need to write it down.

Broke up with me ex mid November, L/C since chrstmas, N/C since mid January.

She got with an ex the day after we broke up and denied me seeing step son so the new guy can take up the father role .

How I felt back at the start of break up:

Severe depression, anger, desperate need for closure, miss her and her son so much. She is on my mind too much, I I find myself checking my phone every minute to see if she has text. I find it hard to enjoy things. She haunts my dreams. Jelousey, finding it hard to resist contacting her. I compare other girls to her and no one matches her. She is on a huge pedastal in my mind. Am in denial that she doesn't want to be with me anymore. don't feel I will ever get over her.

How I feel now:

Fairly happy, I can enjoy things such as tv shows, I enjoy my free time and use it to see friends and relax, keep in shape. Don't ever check my phone for her, never expect her to contact me. I still miss her son and a part of me misses her, however I don't want her back. I have ridden out the denial and have accepted that the relationship is over and that had been a huge help. I still have anger but its deep down. Starting to be attracted to other woman again. Thanks to learning about BPD and just looking back at how bad she treated me, I know longer have her on a pedestal. I am a little worried about how I will feel if/when she gets pregnant or engaged should the news come to me, I feel a lot of the negative feelings are still in me somewhere and this will bring them up. Only occasionaly in my dreams. Still have the odd bad day where I miss her more but I feel I know how to deal with it better.

What's helped me: keeping busy, doing the things I want to do, keeping fit and TIME.

I hope anyone that is in the early days of detaching can read this as I didn't feel I would get over her for months and there was no light at the tunnel, I still have a long way to go but ive definatly made progress.

[Rose Tiger]

That is great, Trevjim!  I can relate to checking the cell phone for texts.  Checking, nope, nothing. Check, nothing.  I think I got OCD about it.  It's nice when you get to a point of forgetting your phone at home and you don't care.  Freeing.

What's helped me: keeping busy, doing the things I want to do, keeping fit and TIME.

Excellent advice.  

[fakename]

thanks for posting this.

will work to feed off your energy

[afterdeath]

Hi everyone, haven't posted for a while, thought I would give an update on how I'm feeling, just feel I need to write it down.

Broke up with me ex mid November, L/C since chrstmas, N/C since mid January.

She got with an ex the day after we broke up and denied me seeing step son so the new guy can take up the father role .

How I felt back at the start of break up:

Severe depression, anger, desperate need for closure, miss her and her son so much. She is on my mind too much, I I find myself checking my phone every minute to see if she has text. I find it hard to enjoy things. She haunts my dreams. Jelousey, finding it hard to resist contacting her. I compare other girls to her and no one matches her. She is on a huge pedastal in my mind. Am in denial that she doesn't want to be with me anymore. don't feel I will ever get over her.

How I feel now:

Fairly happy, I can enjoy things such as tv shows, I enjoy my free time and use it to see friends and relax, keep in shape. Don't ever check my phone for her, never expect her to contact me. I still miss her son and a part of me misses her, however I don't want her back. I have ridden out the denial and have accepted that the relationship is over and that had been a huge help. I still have anger but its deep down. Starting to be attracted to other woman again. Thanks to learning about BPD and just looking back at how bad she treated me, I know longer have her on a pedestal. I am a little worried about how I will feel if/when she gets pregnant or engaged should the news come to me, I feel a lot of the negative feelings are still in me somewhere and this will bring them up. Only occasionaly in my dreams. Still have the odd bad day where I miss her more but I feel I know how to deal with it better.

What's helped me: keeping busy, doing the things I want to do, keeping fit and TIME.

I hope anyone that is in the early days of detaching can read this as I didn't feel I would get over her for months and there was no light at the tunnel, I still have a long way to go but ive definatly made progress.

still dreaming of her quite a bit myself. I dont look at the phone for her anymore at all, in fact i leave the phone away from me if i can help it... I do miss her, but not who she is, the person she was, the fantasy, i miss my best friend and my love. Really still miss the step-daughter alot. But also getting really fit is helping, focusing on me.

Just a warning trev, i will occasionally hear of mine at the most random times and as soon as i hear her name i start to shake. The latest news i heard was she was seen with her "ugly new boyfriend" once, and once without him, interestingly enough step-daughter was not with them either time, probably passed her off to someone else as she'd do when i was around.

I'm hoping to expunge her completely by July because I know her sister's getting married then, and i don't want to see or hear anything about her or her family again in fear of having to start this process all over. As much as  i know i shouldn't be mad, I hope she ends up miserable without me.

Interestingly enough, the person to see her was my brother's mother-in-law, after saying about the "ugly boyfriend" she said she did not think my ex would be the type to care if seen with him or what others thought about it.

Anyway, any small update on her life just sends me in a spiral of rage, soon i hope to delete her memory from my head, never to be seen or heard from again, and those two years of my life will just become a blip and a coma that i was in.

Glad of your progress, just be careful of the triggers on the minefield.

[trevjim]

Ye I still get triggers if I see a car like hers etc, its quite upsetting but I guess that's the process of moving on  :'(

[jaird]

Hi everyone, haven't posted for a while, thought I would give an update on how I'm feeling, just feel I need to write it down.

Broke up with me ex mid November, L/C since chrstmas, N/C since mid January.

She got with an ex the day after we broke up and denied me seeing step son so the new guy can take up the father role .

How I felt back at the start of break up:

Severe depression, anger, desperate need for closure, miss her and her son so much. She is on my mind too much, I I find myself checking my phone every minute to see if she has text. I find it hard to enjoy things. She haunts my dreams. Jelousey, finding it hard to resist contacting her. I compare other girls to her and no one matches her. She is on a huge pedastal in my mind. Am in denial that she doesn't want to be with me anymore. don't feel I will ever get over her.

How I feel now:

Fairly happy, I can enjoy things such as tv shows, I enjoy my free time and use it to see friends and relax, keep in shape. Don't ever check my phone for her, never expect her to contact me. I still miss her son and a part of me misses her, however I don't want her back. I have ridden out the denial and have accepted that the relationship is over and that had been a huge help. I still have anger but its deep down. Starting to be attracted to other woman again. Thanks to learning about BPD and just looking back at how bad she treated me, I know longer have her on a pedestal. I am a little worried about how I will feel if/when she gets pregnant or engaged should the news come to me, I feel a lot of the negative feelings are still in me somewhere and this will bring them up. Only occasionaly in my dreams. Still have the odd bad day where I miss her more but I feel I know how to deal with it better.

What's helped me: keeping busy, doing the things I want to do, keeping fit and TIME.

I hope anyone that is in the early days of detaching can read this as I didn't feel I would get over her for months and there was no light at the tunnel, I still have a long way to go but ive definatly made progress.

I hope you are able to see your son now. That is what matters most. If you are not seeing him, I hope you can avail yourself of some resources like family court or an attorney.

My ex and I broke NC and it was good for a few days of texting without fighting. Yesterday I was out looking for an apartment and we texted all day and it was like she was with me, it was like old times.

I made the mistake of talking to her last night, and it was fine for about ten minutes and somehow the subject came up that I slept with my wife about six months ago. Somehow she managed to twist the six months ago into two months ago, and then she went on a rant. Then she hung up on me. I awoke this morning to a few of her usual nasty voicemails and texts that I have become, unfortunately, used to over these past two and a half years.

I then went on to block her cell number, her home number, and every email address I could think of for her. I just have to be strong and not unblock any of them and hope she doesn't find a way to get through to me.

So sad it has to be this way. So sad that a person (her) who so quickly moved on to a new relationship after she ended our relationship, would be so misguided and hurt to criticize me for something that happened six months ago. It really takes so little to set her off 

[trevjim]

Hi everyone, haven't posted for a while, thought I would give an update on how I'm feeling, just feel I need to write it down.

Broke up with me ex mid November, L/C since chrstmas, N/C since mid January.

She got with an ex the day after we broke up and denied me seeing step son so the new guy can take up the father role .

How I felt back at the start of break up:

Severe depression, anger, desperate need for closure, miss her and her son so much. She is on my mind too much, I I find myself checking my phone every minute to see if she has text. I find it hard to enjoy things. She haunts my dreams. Jelousey, finding it hard to resist contacting her. I compare other girls to her and no one matches her. She is on a huge pedastal in my mind. Am in denial that she doesn't want to be with me anymore. don't feel I will ever get over her.

How I feel now:

Fairly happy, I can enjoy things such as tv shows, I enjoy my free time and use it to see friends and relax, keep in shape. Don't ever check my phone for her, never expect her to contact me. I still miss her son and a part of me misses her, however I don't want her back. I have ridden out the denial and have accepted that the relationship is over and that had been a huge help. I still have anger but its deep down. Starting to be attracted to other woman again. Thanks to learning about BPD and just looking back at how bad she treated me, I know longer have her on a pedestal. I am a little worried about how I will feel if/when she gets pregnant or engaged should the news come to me, I feel a lot of the negative feelings are still in me somewhere and this will bring them up. Only occasionaly in my dreams. Still have the odd bad day where I miss her more but I feel I know how to deal with it better.

What's helped me: keeping busy, doing the things I want to do, keeping fit and TIME.

I hope anyone that is in the early days of detaching can read this as I didn't feel I would get over her for months and there was no light at the tunnel, I still have a long way to go but ive definatly made progress.

I hope you are able to see your son now. That is what matters most. If you are not seeing him, I hope you can avail yourself of some resources like family court or an attorney.

My ex and I broke NC and it was good for a few days of texting without fighting. Yesterday I was out looking for an apartment and we texted all day and it was like she was with me, it was like old times.

I made the mistake of talking to her last night, and it was fine for about ten minutes and somehow the subject came up that I slept with my wife about six months ago. Somehow she managed to twist the six months ago into two months ago, and then she went on a rant. Then she hung up on me. I awoke this morning to a few of her usual nasty voicemails and texts that I have become, unfortunately, used to over these past two and a half years.

I then went on to block her cell number, her home number, and every email address I could think of for her. I just have to be strong and not unblock any of them and hope she doesn't find a way to get through to me.

So sad it has to be this way. So sad that a person (her) who so quickly moved on to a new relationship after she ended our relationship, would be so misguided and hurt to criticize me for something that happened six months ago. It really takes so little to set her off 

No luck with the boy sadly, I know if I tried I would just hey abuse from her and as he isn't biologicaly mine I don't have any grounds in court unfortunately. Just one of those things I have to accept.

[mango_flower]

still dreaming of her quite a bit myself. I dont look at the phone for her anymore at all, in fact i leave the phone away from me if i can help it... I do miss her, but not who she is, the person she was, the fantasy, i miss my best friend and my love.

others thought about it.

That's exactly where I am too, afterdeath... .  

Hoping we'll both get to where Trevjim is soon... .  

Trevjim - I am really happy you're doing ok - it's so encouraging to see!  Keep moving forward, you're doing all the right things and I'm proud of you!  

Please don't forget us once you're out of this mess completely - would be great to know how you're getting on, if you meet somebody else etc  Give us all some hope! xxx

[trevjim]

still dreaming of her quite a bit myself. I dont look at the phone for her anymore at all, in fact i leave the phone away from me if i can help it... I do miss her, but not who she is, the person she was, the fantasy, i miss my best friend and my love.

others thought about it.

That's exactly where I am too, afterdeath... .  

Hoping we'll both get to where Trevjim is soon... .  

Trevjim - I am really happy you're doing ok - it's so encouraging to see!  Keep moving forward, you're doing all the right things and I'm proud of you!  

Please don't forget us once you're out of this mess completely - would be great to know how you're getting on, if you meet somebody else etc  Give us all some hope! xxx

Thank you and I will! That's one thing this board is short off, people who have found love and happiness and are letting people know

[jaird]

still dreaming of her quite a bit myself. I dont look at the phone for her anymore at all, in fact i leave the phone away from me if i can help it... I do miss her, but not who she is, the person she was, the fantasy, i miss my best friend and my love.

others thought about it.

That's exactly where I am too, afterdeath... .  

Hoping we'll both get to where Trevjim is soon... .  

Trevjim - I am really happy you're doing ok - it's so encouraging to see!  Keep moving forward, you're doing all the right things and I'm proud of you!  

Please don't forget us once you're out of this mess completely - would be great to know how you're getting on, if you meet somebody else etc  Give us all some hope! xxx

Thank you and I will! That's one thing this board is short off, people who have found love and happiness and are letting people know

I am glad you are doing much better Trevjim. I am doing much better myself. I'll tell you one thing about breaking no contact so many times after a few days, it's like each time we start off good and then she goes off on a tangent about some old or nonexistent issue-well, the good thing is that I see how sick she is, really a mental illness, and I just have come to realize that she may always be like this. This last time we broke NC she was really good for a few days, and she told me how she was working on various BPD sites online, and she seemed to be making good progress at staying calm. But then it's like she can't help herself, and she gets all convoluted and torn up and distorts facts and lies. Any issue, real or imaginary, is used to push me away if she starts to feel close to me again. I am glad I am not her. It really is a curse to have.

[daze]

It's good to hear about people moving on from r/s pwBPD.

It would be a lot easier if there was a way to wipe memories such as in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind."  Love that movie.

[Clearmind]

In the early days of arriving at bpdfamily I had plenty of folks advising me it will get better with time - I didn't believe them. I do now.

Good for you Trev - chin up and march on forward - this is your life.

[fakename]

Yeah daze, that an awesome movie especially when you understand a person with BPD and the non that keeps trying.

And clear mind is right. It really does get so much better.

I may not have a lot going for me at the moment but I am beginning to look and feel great from forcing myself to work out harder than before everyday and get control of my mind. I also am so so so glad I do not have my Ex's stresses and manipulation and negativity in my life any more. It feels so free