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Author Topic: she's a BPD sufferer , not a predator  (Read 5000 times)
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« Reply #30 on: March 24, 2013, 11:22:55 PM »

It's hard to imagine a man with the traits or behaviour in that article coz the female is not designed to be the knight on hours with shining armour who would save the man (remembere first phase)

squashed.human, being a female with a uBPDh, I can tell you that when H is dysregulating this is exactly what he expects of me- to just "save" him from his emotions.  So, no, if we're not in that situation we probably wouldn't like to accept this, and we don't want to accept that the article is true.  And if it's not true for you, that's great, but it is true for many people... . reading about it won't help it "make sense" (BPD doesn't make sense!), but at least we know it happens to others too... .
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mikewbpdwife

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« Reply #31 on: March 25, 2013, 02:46:42 AM »

Hopefully BPDer should abstain from coming into this forum as there is so much to trigger for them. I happen to chance upon BPDer forum to read whats going on in their mind and I really feel sorry that they always get lost in their emotional thoughts. Obiviously high functioning recovering BPDer can givr some insights for us but until then dont come in and deny us a place for NON to communicate our repressed feelings. Thanks.
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« Reply #32 on: March 25, 2013, 05:27:55 AM »

Hey mike , i wish you the best with your wife and i did like you joining forums of BPD , it did help seeing how much mess out there , made me see that what's totally clear to be green light , may appear orange or even red to my partner. Coming to bpdfamily was much more helpful to make me realise what my partner see and helpful tools to help me convey what i see. I Read the article about BPD love evolving couple of weeks ago and now i have new angle seeing my partner and the mask , it's not bad perception , maybe I'll post new thread to explain more.
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« Reply #33 on: March 25, 2013, 07:35:41 AM »

I don't think it helps the mindset of a staying not to see a BPD person as a predator. It didn't help me at all to view my BPD that way, and I certainly did view him that way. They should be seen as a victim, which they are.
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« Reply #34 on: March 25, 2013, 08:35:23 AM »

I mean... . It didn't help me as a staying NON to view him as predator. It made me angry. They are just trying to survive their illness not intentionally trying to hurt people. Though it does seem that way if your in that mindset.
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« Reply #35 on: March 25, 2013, 08:41:46 AM »

i agree , sure it's not intended . And Yes things make us angry but we can't speak them , or if we did speak them we'd have to halt the argue or else you'd be called aggressive, picking , looking for troubles... . etc , so we stop and again be angry and can't show it
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« Reply #36 on: March 25, 2013, 09:52:01 AM »

I also really dislike the predator/prey analogy.

I find it very triggering and unflattering to all involved.

I don't see myself as prey; or my ex as a predator anymore, but  when I first read that kind of description it made my flight/fight reflex go off the charts; that's a fancy way of saying it scared the SH@@ out of me. I don't think well when I'm scared; no one thinks very well when they are scared.  Therefore, this kind of description  was ultimately unhelpful for me and my ex.
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« Reply #37 on: March 25, 2013, 12:46:00 PM »

 I am going to say for the most part mine is predatory. Why? Simple from a sexual point of view she blew into my life like a complete waif seduced me, reeled me in, got me into her grasp and then took advantage of my 'goodness' that was instilled in me as a youngster (Honor, integrity the idea that people respect each other etc.) She then relied in me staying true to myself and honoring my marriage vows while she cheated on me, lied, ran around on me, dumped the kids off with her family while she 'whored' around.

Is she sick? Yes but I will maintain its a 'designer' illness. She CHOOSES to coddle the illness rather then take accountability for it.

So in all honesty, I am not sure where I stand on it but I do know I and my children will be better off in the long run, without her
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« Reply #38 on: March 25, 2013, 01:01:03 PM »

Excerpt
I also really dislike the predator/prey analogy.

Tough one... . they do need to find and seduce a certain type of person that will put up with their chaos and they do wreak havoc on your life in negative ways.  So the analogy does seem to fit.
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« Reply #39 on: March 25, 2013, 01:07:36 PM »

Excerpt
I also really dislike the predator/prey analogy.

Tough one... . they do need to find and seduce a certain type of person that will put up with their chaos and they do wreak havoc on your life in negative ways.  So the analogy does seem to fit.

Sure.  That sounds like some real acceptance.

It is what it is.

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« Reply #40 on: March 25, 2013, 01:12:17 PM »

Squashed - I really couldn't beleive I was deceived for 19 years.  But my wife actually confirmed that - she never wanted to be married, she was only the person I wanted her to be, she did not know who she was ... .  that was what I couldn't beleive 19 years and I was a complete fool - never had a clue - she wore her mask soo good.

Might not even be that harsh.

So much stuff is just make-believe (not fake-believe) there is no real "truth" then or now.

So now that your BPD's story is "must be free!" history is re-written to match that.  If the present story were different, history would be re-written to match that different story as well.

This is all about as predictable and dependable as the weather.  We even call today's "weather" (Mrs. Somewhere's mood/behavior) the Metaphorical Weather Report around our house.   
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« Reply #41 on: March 25, 2013, 04:42:01 PM »

Predator=natural survival technique for certain creatures, not necessarily and evil characteristic. Just the nature of the beast. So it can be applied to certain BPD traits without being unfair

  If the present story were different, history would be re-written to match that different story as well.

   

Hindsight rewriting history to validate your current position is a difficult thing for most people to avoid or admit to, we all do it. A pwBPD just does it to extremes
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squashed.human

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« Reply #42 on: March 25, 2013, 05:07:52 PM »

waverider , i guess nothing more can be said after the concept you showed (predator=natural survival... . etc) . Thanks
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« Reply #43 on: March 25, 2013, 07:35:00 PM »

waverider , i guess nothing more can be said after the concept you showed (predator=natural survival... . etc) . Thanks

An old fable used to demonstrate this

The scorpion and the frog

We are but frogs !
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squashed.human

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« Reply #44 on: March 26, 2013, 04:40:56 AM »

waverider! I'm speechless and almost smiling , the frog and scorpion fable is even more true than predator eg. Lion and deer , the lion would eat a deer to survive but why the scorpion sting the frog and end up drowning itself and the frog?
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« Reply #45 on: March 26, 2013, 06:52:13 PM »

My theory on the scorpion: The scorpion asks for a ride and hops onto the frog after some convincing. Away they swim. Middle of the lake and the scorpion looks around and suddenly panics. "Omg, I'm in the water and I can't swim! How did I get here?" *panic* Looks down and sees the frog. Frog is a water creature, frog is happy... . this must be frog's fault! If it weren't for frog, scorpion wouldn't be in the water at all - right? In this state of panic, and now anger at frog for getting scorpion into this horrible situation, scorpion decides "well I'm close to drowning anyway, I can't take it, sitting here waiting to drown, waiting for frog to sink us, waiting to fall off... . This is ALL frog's fault! I'll show frog - I'll sting that awful creature!" *sting* And then... . yeah, well. 

p.s. I don't like the original article being discussed either. I don't find it fits particularly well with my view of my relationship and I found it offensive. It actually really put me off. Perhaps it needs some sort of disclaimer? I think it was Maria1(?) that pointed out earlier in this thread some of the article's 'charged' language and broad generalizations. Ick. (As with everything I post, that's just my humble opinion!)
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« Reply #46 on: March 26, 2013, 09:51:58 PM »

For those not aware of this article the link being discussed is

   

How a Borderline Personality Disorder Love Relationship Evolves

The original version of this article was written about a male pwBPD ... .  and is all "he", "him", "his" Smiling (click to insert in post)

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=66844.0

This article describe my 10+ year r/s and marriage with my uBPD -- he could be so wonderful, but God all the NPD/BPD stuff is so evident to me now.  Ugh!
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« Reply #47 on: April 07, 2013, 07:46:07 AM »

I find that the articles describes the exact relationship with my exBPD. Her hater phase started the day after she proclaimed that she was in love with me (after 2,5 years of friendship). We still talk to each other sporadically with weeks of space but I suspect this is only because she has trouble letting go of me completely (because of her pathology) or because she wants to torment me and keep my hope up and see if she still has power over me.

Anyway I will now share a few frightening things I have learned since our breakup and these are things I have from her own mouth. Many of you seem to not want to believe that pwBPD can be deliberately evil. I can not speak for your pwBPD but I can say this of my own pwBPD: I have seen right through her, seen her for what she really is. She knows this, she even said to me around christmas time 2012: "You silly fool (playful voice)... .   you have me figured out, don´t you? (unsettling smirk)"... .  

Back when she charmed me in she did so with sob stories of how alone she was and that nobody was there for her. She cried and cried for hours "I am SOO LONELY SOB SOB SOB"... .   My heart melted and I just wanted to take care of her.

After the hater phase emerged she has revealed many things to me about her true nature. She called me some months ago and told me about a new guy she has been playing along for many many months with promise of a relationship and what not. She told me delightedly: "Hah hah, this guy he got the same SOB story I give to everyone I am SOO lonely SOB SOB hah hah"... .     . Yeah as you can imagine I almost physically puked when she said this. Also I realize now that back when she told me she was SOO lonely there was actually a BUNCH of hangaround mutts in her life... .   also old friends and she actually had quite a social network. She just didn´t tell me. But these mutts emerged later in our relationship and whenever she split me black she ran straight in their arms. They were there from the beginning.

Also she said very recently: We borderlines, we push and pull... .   that´s what we do. We enjoy toying with people. That is how we get our kick. (And I must say this would perfectly explain all the MANY MANY times she has unleashed HORRIFIC and EVIL abuse on me because sometimes I have wondered how you could act like that if it wasn´t well planned and thought out in advance before being carried out).

I read an article once that stated that abuser personalites actually PLAN their abuse before they carry it out on you. It is a high to them like a drug fix. Whenever things go calmly they get bored and start fantasizing of new ways to hurt you. Their apologies mean nothing. This would certainly explain why whenever there was calm and I was happy the pure HELL soon followed.

Also once she was drunk she confided in me that "there are MUCH better ways to HURT people than physical violence... .   EMOTIONAL violence is BETTER (evil smirk)"... .   This sounds word for word like something I have read on another BPD board where a young beautiful BPD-girl says the EXACT same thing in one of her posts! She carries alot of the same attitudes that my exBPD did so that makes me think that they are not all so "innocently sick" (if you know what I mean) as some would have us believe.

Also after the hater phase emerged my exBPDs every word and action seemed designed to hurt me. She got together with a new guy immediately after our breakup and she relished in telling me details of their sexual life... .   things I had discussed trying with her where her answer was: YOU´RE DISGUSTING!... .   all of a sudden "UHH He just did that to me yesterday! It just happened... .   UHH it was GREAT! (Evil smirk)"... .   things like that. She sure as hell KNEW what she was doing and did it on purpose to HURT... .   to inflict MAXIMUM HURT... .  

And now looking back I can see that even before the hater phase whenever she split me black... .   she did ALOT of things to hurt me deliberately... .   I was always scrambling to find a sense in everything but she did things to hurt.

Of course I can´t speak for all borderlines but I find the article we are discussing to be entirely true. And I DO view Boderlines as predators. I don´t deny that pwBPDs probably live in their own personal hell. But they also unleash hell on other people. And not always because they can´t help it. I will NEVER EVER NEVER involve myself with some with BPD again... .   EVER!... .   And I would not hesitate showing this article to whomever I knew who was getting involved with a BPD.

Sorry if that sounded harsh... .  
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« Reply #48 on: April 07, 2013, 08:12:17 AM »

I find that the articles describes the exact relationship with my exBPD. Her hater phase started the day after she proclaimed that she was in love with me (after 2,5 years of friendship). We still talk to each other sporadically with weeks of space but I suspect this is only because she has trouble letting go of me completely (because of her pathology) or because she wants to torment me and keep my hope up and see if she still has power over me.

Anyway I will now share a few frightening things I have learned since our breakup and these are things I have from her own mouth. Many of you seem to not want to believe that pwBPD can be deliberately evil. I can not speak for your pwBPD but I can say this of my own pwBPD: I have seen right through her, seen her for what she really is. She knows this, she even said to me around christmas time 2012: "You silly fool (playful voice)... .   you have me figured out, don´t you? (unsettling smirk)"... .  

Back when she charmed me in she did so with sob stories of how alone she was and that nobody was there for her. She cried and cried for hours "I am SOO LONELY SOB SOB SOB"... .   My heart melted and I just wanted to take care of her.

After the hater phase emerged she has revealed many things to me about her true nature. She called me some months ago and told me about a new guy she has been playing along for many many months with promise of a relationship and what not. She told me delightedly: "Hah hah, this guy he got the same SOB story I give to everyone I am SOO lonely SOB SOB hah hah"... .     . Yeah as you can imagine I almost physically puked when she said this. Also I realize now that back when she told me she was SOO lonely there was actually a BUNCH of hangaround mutts in her life... .   also old friends and she actually had quite a social network. She just didn´t tell me. But these mutts emerged later in our relationship and whenever she split me black she ran straight in their arms. They were there from the beginning.

Also she said very recently: We borderlines, we push and pull... .   that´s what we do. We enjoy toying with people. That is how we get our kick. (And I must say this would perfectly explain all the MANY MANY times she has unleashed HORRIFIC and EVIL abuse on me because sometimes I have wondered how you could act like that if it wasn´t well planned and thought out in advance before being carried out).

I read an article once that stated that abuser personalites actually PLAN their abuse before they carry it out on you. It is a high to them like a drug fix. Whenever things go calmly they get bored and start fantasizing of new ways to hurt you. Their apologies mean nothing. This would certainly explain why whenever there was calm and I was happy the pure HELL soon followed.

Also once she was drunk she confided in me that "there are MUCH better ways to HURT people than physical violence... .   EMOTIONAL violence is BETTER (evil smirk)"... .   This sounds word for word like something I have read on another BPD board where a young beautiful BPD-girl says the EXACT same thing in one of her posts! She carries alot of the same attitudes that my exBPD did so that makes me think that they are not all so "innocently sick" (if you know what I mean) as some would have us believe.

Also after the hater phase emerged my exBPDs every word and action seemed designed to hurt me. She got together with a new guy immediately after our breakup and she relished in telling me details of their sexual life... .   things I had discussed trying with her where her answer was: YOU´RE DISGUSTING!... .   all of a sudden "UHH He just did that to me yesterday! It just happened... .   UHH it was GREAT! (Evil smirk)"... .   things like that. She sure as hell KNEW what she was doing and did it on purpose to HURT... .   to inflict MAXIMUM HURT... .  

And now looking back I can see that even before the hater phase whenever she split me black... .   she did ALOT of things to hurt me deliberately... .   I was always scrambling to find a sense in everything but she did things to hurt.

Of course I can´t speak for all borderlines but I find the article we are discussing to be entirely true. And I DO view Boderlines as predators. I don´t deny that pwBPDs probably live in their own personal hell. But they also unleash hell on other people. And not always because they can´t help it. I will NEVER EVER NEVER involve myself with some with BPD again... .   EVER!... .   And I would not hesitate showing this article to whomever I knew who was getting involved with a BPD.

Sorry if that sounded harsh... .  

Mate ... .

Get rid of her completely. If I were in your shoes. I would not only refuse any sense of contact. I would literally, every little physical trigger of this person, collect it together, and burn it. I would be willing to start a new facebook with people who are not friends with her.

I would not want to do ANYTHING with a person like that, and beyond that, nor any first or second line friends. BPDers are predators. They are. And it's not like we should run and hide because thats not a life, but if we could prevent contact we should. At ... . all ... . costs.

Yours seem to top the looney scale but I have to admit, I once read on some psychological forums on the internet (the opposite of this one) where people with BPD are and where they were laughing about how they made their boyfriends squeel and hurt. It makes me sick to my stomach and I regret the day that I have learned about 'personality disorders' because it has changed my life for good.
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« Reply #49 on: April 07, 2013, 08:46:19 AM »

I beg to differ. I dont think all pwBPD's are predators in true sense. Some have additional psychopathic features and their hater phase may reflect their lack of guilt and desire to hurt people. My opinion is that pwBPD are really hurting very badly due to their childhood wound and they DONOT want to hurt others on purpose but they end up hurting them because they are controlled by their illness. They end up hurting  us so bad that we lose our balance and start hating them. My pwBPD  shuts down and demands in raging way ,that I dont contact her. I asked her after she came back... . why she does that and she said "I want to protect you from my craziness ... . I cant control it... . please stay away when I get crazy"  I wouldnot say all pwBPDs are predators... . some of them might be. Just my opinion.
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« Reply #50 on: April 07, 2013, 10:08:30 AM »

IamDevastated - ouch. What a nightmare! I agree with Harm - get her the hell out of your life!

That being said, what you describe is not symptomatic of BPD, that's straight-up psychopathic behaviour (as wanttoknowmore stated). The two conditions can definitely show up in the same person at the same time (comorbidity) but they are not the same thing. Please don't paint all pwBPD with that brush. Many pwBPD have very high levels of empathy and would be just as horrified as we are by your ex's behaviour.
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« Reply #51 on: April 07, 2013, 10:17:53 AM »

I beg to differ. I dont think all pwBPD's are predators in true sense. Some have additional psychopathic features and their hater phase may reflect their lack of guilt and desire to hurt people. My opinion is that pwBPD are really hurting very badly due to their childhood wound and they DONOT want to hurt others on purpose but they end up hurting them because they are controlled by their illness. They end up hurting  us so bad that we lose our balance and start hating them. My pwBPD  shuts down and demands in raging way ,that I dont contact her. I asked her after she came back... . why she does that and she said "I want to protect you from my craziness ... . I cant control it... . please stay away when I get crazy"  I wouldnot say all pwBPDs are predators... . some of them might be. Just my opinion.

I beg to differ indeed. BPDers are predators. And contact with predators is tricky, sometimes you are just not the 'perfect' catch but when they want you, you are screwed.

BPDers are predators in the true sense of the word because a predator hunts ... . and then feeds on its pray. A BPDer does not feel 'whole' and is therefore always on the 'prowl'. This doesn't mean a BPDer hunts for everyone, only where he/she, at that time, feels a connection with. People who are, as he or she feels at that time, 'emotional available'.

The 'i do not want to hurt other' people is seriously up for debate. They might tell you that, but I believe they purely see that as a self-preservation towards you. I've read many psychological forums where people with diagnosed BPD actually discuss enjoying hurting their boyfriend and discuss with others 'why they do so'. I don't believe everyone is that clever to actually realize they hurt someone else. I also think this has to do with the level of intelligence and extra disorders they might carry (depression, PTSD, social phobia, etc).

But going that far to eventually say, BPDers hurt us, but they don't want us and we should feel pity goes to far. That's like walking around on the street and walking into a thief. He steals your wallet and you tell him, i'm sorry you feel that you have to do so. Please don't do it again. Thats utter denial.

BPD is indeed an illness.
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« Reply #52 on: April 07, 2013, 10:22:07 AM »

IamDevastated - ouch. What a nightmare! I agree with Harm - get her the hell out of your life!

That being said, what you describe is not symptomatic of BPD, that's straight-up psychopathic behaviour (as wanttoknowmore stated). The two conditions can definitely show up in the same person at the same time (comorbidity) but they are not the same thing. Please don't paint all pwBPD with that brush. Many pwBPD have very high levels of empathy and would be just as horrified as we are by your ex's behaviour.

Actually, the official DSM and many official academic literature will contradict what you say here. What you perceive to be and what is actually there are two different worlds apart. When I dress myself as a monkey, I might look like one, that doesn't mean I am one.

pwBPD might have empathic, in some way, but saying they have high levels of empathy goes to far.
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« Reply #53 on: April 07, 2013, 10:31:00 AM »

Actually, Harm, there has been a major shift in the medical literature lately speculating that BPD may actually be a result of extreme empathy and a resulting inability to cope with the emotions. Basically the new research suggests that pwBPD have a failure to identify and cope with emotions rather than a lack of them. The DSM does not refer to a lack of empathy as any sort of diagnostic criteria for BPD.
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« Reply #54 on: April 07, 2013, 10:37:32 AM »

Actually, Harm, there has been a major shift in the medical literature lately speculating that BPD may actually be a result of extreme empathy and a resulting inability to cope with the emotions. Basically the new research suggests that pwBPD have a failure to identify and cope with emotions rather than a lack of them.

That could well be. Which means i've got material to read, which is a big +. And other than that, it still does not make them have 'normal sense of empathy' as you and me, but although in their head they have a overflow of empathy feelings on the exterior, they are incapable of showing this, which still results in them being incapable of showing empathy let alone, a lot of empathy while in their head, they are drowning with empathy. All in all, they don't have it, as a show.

Excerpt
The DSM does not refer to a lack of empathy as any sort of diagnostic criteria for BPD.

It isn't? When I read DSM 5 it says for BPD:

Empathy: Compromised ability to recognize the feelings and needs of others associated with interpersonal hypersensitivity (i.e., prone to feel slighted or insulted); perceptions of others selectively biased toward negative attributes or vulnerabilities.
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« Reply #55 on: April 07, 2013, 10:56:17 AM »

Interesting, Harm! The DSMV and the DSMIV have different criteria for BPD. I was looking at IV. I note as well that even in V, there can be a lack of empathy (expressed, as you note) or, alternatively, a lack of intimacy.

Still, even if it were truly a lack of empathy, that doesn't explain the sort of maliciousness that IamDevastated describes. I'd still chalk that behaviour up to some other, possibly comorbid, disorder. (Not that it really matters what the diagnosis is, so long as we all agree that not all pwBPD behave/think that way.)
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« Reply #56 on: April 07, 2013, 12:00:02 PM »

IamDevastated - ouch. What a nightmare! I agree with Harm - get her the hell out of your life!

That being said, what you describe is not symptomatic of BPD, that's straight-up psychopathic behaviour (as wanttoknowmore stated). The two conditions can definitely show up in the same person at the same time (comorbidity) but they are not the same thing. Please don't paint all pwBPD with that brush. Many pwBPD have very high levels of empathy and would be just as horrified as we are by your ex's behaviour.

Believe me, the things I have told here are only the tip of the iceberg. But yes, I have thought of psychopathy myself. In fact I am 100% sure she is a bonafide APD. She WAS diagnosed BPD by a psychiatrist in 2012. That is her official diagnosis. And she has been going to BPD therapy now for 6 months.

This therapy she has used as an excuse to paint me completely black and she is now in the final stages of cutting me completely out of her life. She claims she has matured soo much and that behaviour is under control and now she can finally get the relationship and the "real friends" she has always been dreaming of (in other words she has just used me and everyone else till something better came along ). However from what I see her behaviour hasn´t changed AT ALL. She is still toying with people and wrecking other peoples lives getting a thrill out of it everytime. I suspect she is only saying those things to me to hurt me one final time and leave me sitting wondering if she will now be all successful while yearning for her and crying over what I have lost. She really IS that cunning and I wouldn´t put such a scheme past her.

However I am somewhat confused about the whole BPD vs APD criteria. As far as I can see the criteria for the two disorders are nearly identical. I also read an article by two american doctors and they said that indeed BPD = psychopathy. They say there are 4 sub categories of psychopathy and borderline is one of them. The borderline psychopath (as they put it).

I would like to believe there are BPDs out there with empathy but I haven´t met anyone. But I thank you for answer. In a way it answers the question I have posed in another thread? Namley if my exBPD will truly benefit from the therapy and learn empathy and become a better person like she claims. Well, I guess not... .  



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arabella
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« Reply #57 on: April 07, 2013, 12:14:40 PM »

Here's an interesting blog post by a diagnosed BPD sufferer: www.showard76.wordpress.com/2012/01/09/do-borderlines-lack-empathy/

I'm not posting this to prove anything, or claiming that it's scientific in any way, but it is an example of someone with BPD who claims to have empathy. Mainly it's a critique of a book by Simon Baron-Cohen that claims BPD is akin to psychopathy. Note that Baron-Cohen is actually an autism expert, it's rather unfortunate that his, rather unscientific books on 'evil' have created such a stigma for people suffering from BPD.

Anyway, the blog post also quotes others, notably Marsha Linehan (widely regarded as a BPD expert) stating that pwBPD can have a deep sense of empathy. It's interesting. You will probably also find examples of pwBPD who are empathetic on the 'success stories' sticky thread posted over on the 'Staying' board (if that's something of interest to you).
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wanttoknowmore
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« Reply #58 on: April 07, 2013, 12:49:15 PM »

Iamdevastated,

Your info about BPD and APD criteria is inaccurate. They are very different disorders although in many cases they may exist together in the same person.

Core feature of APD is lack of conscience and tendency to abuse others for personal gain. Core feature of BPD is fear of abandonment and resulting behaviors to avoid abandonment including leaving lover before he leaves her.

APDs dont have empathy ,BPDs mostly have empathy to varying degrees.

Yours to me look like someone who has both BPD and APD,which is a very toxic mix. Extreme rage mixed with lack of conscience and guilt plus desire to feel pleasure by hurting others.

Mine is pure BPD and has no APD features so she has empathy but cannot control rage,splitting and dysregulation. When she gets regulated she feels so guilty,sad and afraid that she did hurt others.She feels defective because of this lack of control on her behavior.
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HarmKrakow
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« Reply #59 on: April 07, 2013, 01:24:41 PM »

Iamdevastated,

Your info about BPD and APD criteria is inaccurate. They are very different disorders although in many cases they may exist together in the same person.

Core feature of APD is lack of conscience and tendency to abuse others for personal gain. Core feature of BPD is fear of abandonment and resulting behaviors to avoid abandonment including leaving lover before he leaves her.

APDs dont have empathy ,BPDs mostly have empathy to varying degrees.

Yours to me look like someone who has both BPD and APD,which is a very toxic mix. Extreme rage mixed with lack of conscience and guilt plus desire to feel pleasure by hurting others.

Mine is pure BPD and has no APD features so she has empathy but cannot control rage,splitting and dysregulation. When she gets regulated she feels so guilty,sad and afraid that she did hurt others.She feels defective because of this lack of control on her behavior.

BPDers don't have empathy (or ok, if we are going really on the lines, but that's just waste of time, a lack of, or very little), as stated in the new DSM 5 criteria as effective May 2013.
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