BPD Mutism

[Depression = 72% of members]

I had a 3 year relationship with my undx BPD gf.  She had all the symptoms and criteria needed to make a diagnosis. However, she was also almost completely mute too. She could actually speak to me only when very drunk, or in the throes of passion (involuntary utterances). We communicated electronically. When we hung out and went on dates I did all of the talking. She nodded her head, etc. We both recognized that she likely had some kind of Social Anxiety Disorder. This selective/elective mutism occurred only with me. Otherwise, she was a very outgoing and and a social butterfly. She could actually talk to me on the phone if there were other people in the room with her. But If she was alone, she couldn't talk to me on the phone. Our relationship eroded lately and one of the causes was that because we were forced to communicate via text etc, we missed the subtle cues and meaning that oral speech provides. We started getting into text arguments due to misunderstandings.

She's gone now; and I'm getting over it. She has a new bf, and from what I can tell, she talks to him. She told  me (via IM chat) that i was the only person that she could never speak to. Other than oral speech, we had a complete and intimate relationship. It was very strange and I still wonder about it all. Anyone else ever experienced this?

[absurdio]

I had a 3 year relationship with my undx BPD gf.  She had all the symptoms and criteria needed to make a diagnosis. However, she was also almost completely mute too. She could actually speak to me only when very drunk, or in the throes of passion (involuntary utterances). We communicated electronically. When we hung out and went on dates I did all of the talking. She nodded her head, etc. We both recognized that she likely had some kind of Social Anxiety Disorder. This selective/elective mutism occurred only with me. Otherwise, she was a very outgoing and and a social butterfly. She could actually talk to me on the phone if there were other people in the room with her. But If she was alone, she couldn't talk to me on the phone. Our relationship eroded lately and one of the causes was that because we were forced to communicate via text etc, we missed the subtle cues and meaning that oral speech provides. We started getting into text arguments due to misunderstandings.

She's gone now; and I'm getting over it. She has a new bf, and from what I can tell, she talks to him. She told  me (via IM chat) that i was the only person that she could never speak to. Other than oral speech, we had a complete and intimate relationship. It was very strange and I still wonder about it all. Anyone else ever experienced this?

[nolisan]

 Interesting ... .  Your post struck a note with me.

I am 6 months out of a one year r/s.

My ex was very talkative until it came to important inter-personal issues. The she would "split" and storm off saying she would reply via email.

This was very frustrating and hurtful for me. I AM a good communicator but she told me I dominated conversations and didn't listen to her. BS! I listened intently, paraphrased her statement to clarify meaning. I have taken courses in Non Violent Communication and interpersonal Skills. My peers and friends say I am an excellent communicator.

So ... .  I would wait and wait for her email - fearing she would end the relationship (I have abandonment fears). Then I would finally receive the email - quickly and fearfully scan it for "detachment" statements. It was always very intellectual and analytical - one sided with no empathy.

Often it would be a "I need to detach for hit weeks. Please find the support you need". I always felt I was being punished and "not good enough",

In many ways she was a "mute" too.

Glad I am out of it - crazy making - self esteem crushing and futile. I am grateful for the year - I have looked deeply at myself and am growing. I can only change myself.

Hope you find peace and a personal gift in your suffering.

[krista8521]

No I have never heard of that, did she ever seek therapy for it?

My BPD Husband will not sit still if it's a deep emotional conversation or it's something he don't want to hear.

He literally gets the gist of the conversation and hes gone in a heart beat, up and runs off.

His favorite is at night if I bring up say finances or something I didn't like that he said or did is to instantly jump up and yell "you always have to start this shi#!" and puts ear plugs in a runs off to bed.

The stuff "I started" would be normal discussions about bills etc...

If in the car he will turn the radio up or yell over me. He refuses to ever face difficult topics or ones that cause him discomfort.

**his mother likes to create fights among family members through lies, distortion etc... if you try to ask her why she said or did something she will instantly scream "I don't have to listen to this" and slam down the phone. If its face to face she gets up and runs off. If you send her a email, letter, its deleted, torn up the instant she whiffs what is about. She is extremely emotional immature at age 78.