Talking suicide- had to call the cops

[Mara2]

Well tonight has been fun.  H has been telling me for a couple days he wants to kill himself and others.  Tonight he said he wanted to kill me and the kids, even though he knows it is wrong.  I called the crisis line and the cops came out to talk to him.  They took him in, but one of them was here last year when I called to have him arrested and he asked me what kind of help he had received since last year.  Honestly- none.  No one wants to touch BPD around here except one and H won't go see him any more.  Tonight he is in jail, but the one officer really did seem to want to try and help.  I hope he can do a better job of it than I could.

Last night H was so upset with the world in general that he sat out in his truck all night in the driveway (we live in a very remote area).  It got down to 14* last night, so I know he was cold.  I thought he had gone into town and had no idea he was out there.  He came back in the morning and moped around all day until I lost my patience with him.  He did express that he knew I was trying to help, which is a first.  Usually I get "NOBODY and ALL MY LIFE and NO ONE CARES". 

So we will have peace tonight, but the kids had to see the police take their Papa away.  I just wish there was a place he could go to get the help he needs.  I have learned so much here about how to take care of me, but I can't be his everything and right now he needs to be out of the house.  But there is no where for him to go. 

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

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[Rockylove]

   I'm so sorry you and your kids had to go through that~~I'm sure it was devastating to all.  I'm glad you have peace for the night in your household.  I'm sure you'll find the best way to explain the events of this evening to your kiddos. 

Do you have medical insurance that might help with inpatient treatment?  I found that most insurances don't tell you everything they will cover and you have to really do your research with them to get help, but in the end it's worth the effort if you husband can get the help he needs.

I wish you all the best in finding someone to help you, your husband and your family.

[Mara2]

Thanks, Rockylove.  Yes, the insurance pays for in patient care but I cannot find any in patient care for an adult.  Plenty for teens. 

His counselor (seen twice) was called last night and he was more upset at being called at home than he was interested in being any help.  He told me that we called him, but we called the crisis line and they called him.  I found him to be most unhelpful.  I asked him about in patient care and he said that H had to be threatening to kill himself or others.  That is why I called the crisis line in the first place!  He was threatening to hurt us! 

The only one who seems to want to help is the one officer, bless him.

[Rockylove]

At least someone is listening.  I hope the cop has some kind of pull with the mental health professionals and can inspire some sort of intervention. 

[Mara2]

I just got off the line with the prosecutor and he is going to get H's attorney to try to get H to commit himself to the mental health ward in the hospital in the city.  I think it is the best place for him.  I hope he will.  Praying... .  

[Tigerabbit]

Oh Mara, 

Such a hard situation on its own (I've been in a very similar one), but I cannot imaging going through this with kids also. Praying that he gets some inpatient help and stabilizes, and hopefully is able to find some good consistent outpatient therapy as well. Hopefully, if nothing else, having kids gives you some more strength/motivation to get through this. Hang in there!

[Mara2]

Thanks.  Keeping the kids safe has become priority for sure, which gives me motivation to make sure he is stable before letting him come home.  But it is so very tough on them.  I'm trying to break up routine and move bedrooms around-something we had planned, but H would never actually do it. 

I heard nothing all day yesterday and do not know where he is at the moment.  The prosecutor said it would take a few days and he put a NC order in.  Being the wife I am, I am starting to think about the fact that he has no clean clothes to change into and must be getting uncomfortable by now.   

On the up side of all this- he left us just as our only vehicle that holds all of us broke down and I am stuck 30 minutes out of town in the woods.  I called a neighbor to come look at it for me to tell me what I need to do to get it fixed and he called a mechanic that lives not far down the road.  He came and took my rig and will fix it and I only have to pay for parts- around $200.  Another friend met the mechanic at the local Walmart last night and told him that she would pay for the parts!  I am so blessed to have a community that loves me.   

[allibaba]

You are handling this all amazingly well.  I can't imagine being in your shoes. 

HUGE props for doing the right thing and making sure that while he is unsafe... .  he is out of the house.  Once again I can't imagine dealing with that... .  especially with kids. 

My undiagnosed BPD husband has told me that he has very dark negative thoughts... .  but one thing is for certain that he would never hurt himself or our family.  That he would disappear into isolation before that ever happened.  He repeats this over and over whenever he goes dark mentally so I have to believe him.

I can relate to being in the middle of no where.  We also live in the middle of no where... .  but country people take care of their own. 

Good luck!

[Mara2]

I have had so much help and encouragement from my community it is amazing.  I am grateful.

I sent some clothes with a friend to town where H is in the mental health crisis house.  I have not heard from him or anyone else, but friends are going in to see him and then call me.  I guess he has court on Monday and he told his sister that he wanted to go to the psych unit in the city, which is what I wanted for him, so I am feeling relieved. 

I decided to move bedrooms around to give the kids something to do.  My oldest daughter will be getting her own room and she is pretty excited.  It keeps our minds off the negative.