Wish me luck...

[Depression = 72% of members]

I haven't been on here as much as I like because for a few months I'm going at least twice a week to another workplace which has no internet connection... .  (just to let you guys know, because I know people here are so nice and caring and there are people who may wonder where I've disappeared to)

And today I got this news from uBPDh, something he has feared: his boss's contract at his workplace has not been renewed (the headcount is dropped), and he (boss, not H) is leaving after next week.  That means H's job is also hanging on a loose thread.  His current contract is up till October this year, and he is guessing it will not be renewed, and also for this period (if he is lucky and the contract not terminated earlier) he will basically be hanging around and having nothing to do, which he claims to hate.

Wish me luck on all the validation I will have to do... .  I've never been very good at it (learning, improving) and lately I'm so, so busy and tired out, I need a lot of validation myself too (not been given any).  I'm working at 2 places (not 2 jobs), working 6 days most weeks (sometimes 7), and I am studying.  But I know that at this point it is all about him.  Also, any tips on how to manage everything while supporting him is nice... .  

Sorry for the long rant, I guess I just need to unload the pressure somewhere!

[Chosen]

I haven't been on here as much as I like because for a few months I'm going at least twice a week to another workplace which has no internet connection... .  (just to let you guys know, because I know people here are so nice and caring and there are people who may wonder where I've disappeared to)

And today I got this news from uBPDh, something he has feared: his boss's contract at his workplace has not been renewed (the headcount is dropped), and he (boss, not H) is leaving after next week.  That means H's job is also hanging on a loose thread.  His current contract is up till October this year, and he is guessing it will not be renewed, and also for this period (if he is lucky and the contract not terminated earlier) he will basically be hanging around and having nothing to do, which he claims to hate.

Wish me luck on all the validation I will have to do... .  I've never been very good at it (learning, improving) and lately I'm so, so busy and tired out, I need a lot of validation myself too (not been given any).  I'm working at 2 places (not 2 jobs), working 6 days most weeks (sometimes 7), and I am studying.  But I know that at this point it is all about him.  Also, any tips on how to manage everything while supporting him is nice... .  

Sorry for the long rant, I guess I just need to unload the pressure somewhere!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[laelle]

What are you talking about... .  long rant. 

I am so sorry that your husbands work situation looks bad.  I imagine that places a huge responsibility on you.  You already have to deal with so much.  I hope that things get better for the both of you and that as one door closes another one opens.  The best of luck at validating.  Remember to cut yourself some slack, and lighten your load a little if you must.

[waverider]

I remember when I used to work in engineering on contract basis and things were winding down, with everyone wondering when the axe was going to fall. It is a tough, and negative, environment.

What are your H's alternative job prospects like? Sometimes it is best to be the first rat to jump the sinking ship rather than hanging around to be last one standing which can unsettle anyone.

[Rockylove]

   wow~sounds like you have yourself quite a full schedule at the moment!  I know the feeling and you probably need a bit of a break.  Is there a few hours you can steal just to pamper yourself?  I hope things work out for your husband and the job situation... .  it can be very difficult when they are unable to find another suitable job.  Men seem to identify themselves with what they do more than women.  Keeping my fingers crossed for you both!

[shatra]

Hi

   SOunds difficult for you both. It might help for you to get in touch with how you feel about your stress re: the job, and self-validate (give self permission to feel anything you feel). Then move on to validating him... .  "sure it's a tough situation with your boss gone. Want to talk more about it?... .  It's upsetting to have these feelings about the job"

Shatra

[briefcase]

Sounds like a full schedule!  I know what that's like.  Take good care of yourself in all this. 

Validation can seem so intimidating.  Especially when you know there is turbulance ahead.     Just remember, validation is all about letting him feel heard and understood.  IMO, the single best validation resource here is the Fruzzetti Video in the Valiation Workshop.  I watch it a few times a year for a refresher!

[Tigerabbit]

That looks like a gem of a website the video you linked is on, Briefcase! I'll be checking out more than just that video, I think. Thank you!

[arabella]

But I know that at this point it is all about him.  Also, any tips on how to manage everything while supporting him is nice... .  

Sorry for the long rant, I guess I just need to unload the pressure somewhere!

First off, that was the shortest "long rant" I've ever read!

Second, you won't be any good as a support person if you don't take care of YOU! Can you schedule some time for yourself? You sound crazy busy, so I know that's hard to do, but I think you'll need it. So, maybe set aside a half hour at lunch to meditate, do office yoga, get a 15 min massage, quickie nail polish change, buy a 'fancy' lunch/snack/beverage once a week (or more depending on your finances), pick up extra of favourite foods for yourself at the grocery store, etc. Even little things can help you to feel more centred - try taking a pair of slippers in to work (if you have a desk or somewhere to hide your feet at various intervals), buy some calming herbal tea, keep Rescue Remedy drops in your purse, make sure you eat properly and drink enough water... .  And I think, most of all, set aside at least 15 minutes for yourself to unwind between work and going home to your husband (not commuting time, not driving, etc. - just time to clear your mind and get grounded again).

I hope at least one of those ideas helps you out a little bit! I know how hard it is to support someone else when you really need that support for yourself. And remember that we're always here for you too! 

[Grey Kitty]

Here's my $.02

I could come up with half a dozen ideas how your husband might look for other work, secure his job where he is, or otherwise make a better situation for himself... .  

... .  and if I were to say any of them to him, or if YOU were to say any of them to him, there is a huge risk of being INvalidating to him when you do it.

If you don't have much validation in you... .  at least stop yourself from making it worse!

 Good luck in tough times!   

I'm reminded of the thing they tell me on airplanes: "Always put your own oxygen mask on first before you try to assist others" Or as Arabella said with a bunch of good detailed ideas... .  take good care of yourself!

[Chosen]

Thanks guys for the encouragement. 

Re H's work situation, I have no idea what he wants to do (I suppose he doesn't really know).  The current job seemed like something he really wanted, then after he got it he is still unmotivated to do it... . I suppose that's him through and through.  Like Grey Kitty said, offering him possible solutions may seem "helpful" but will end up being invalidating (unless he asked for it).  So I suppose sometimes I will have to let go and just let him sort his own mess... . and just be there to support him!