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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Voluntary splitting  (Read 301 times)
absurdio

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 5


« on: March 21, 2013, 06:21:29 PM »

In the last 9 months or so my undxBPD gf and I had been arguing a lot. The usual push pull thing. She would lash out with some very abusive rhetoric. Generally, I tolerated her abuse. Sometimes tho, I would use the same kind of language towards her. I would get exasperated and say things like "You're full of (crap)"; "you're completely nuts", that sort of thing. Later I would apologise to her. She never apologized to me tho. Towards the end she would accuse me of verbally abusing even when I was just disagreeing with her. If I pointed out some obvious flaw in her logic or reasoning, she would scream at me to shut up or she was leaving me. She began saying "This your last chance, if you hurt me again, we're done. Of course that day came. We were discussing something and she became uncomfortable when I countered her irrational argument with valid points. She said "You do realize this is your last chance?" I said yes. She said "Are you just stupid?" I said no. Then she split me black and said the most vile things and her hate was extremely pronounced. This was a few minths ago and nothing has changed. What strikes me though is that she had the ability to choose to split me. It wasn't out of her control. If she could give me one more chance, why couldn't she give me two more chances? She had the locus of control over splitting me. Once she did split me black, there was no going back. It seems to me that her splitting was not involuntary. I think they just choise to split you
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No Black Tie Man

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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: Married to BPD/ADHD
Posts: 12



« Reply #1 on: March 22, 2013, 03:04:13 AM »

I think you are right. There just isn't any middle ground. You can't just disagree so you are either all right or all wrong. Thats all that is available to them emotionally.
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