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VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?" Parental alienation is when a parent allows a child to participate or hear them degrade the other parent. This is not uncommon in divorces and the children often adjust. In severe cases, however, it can be devastating to the child. This video provides a helpful overview.
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Author Topic: Anyone else suffering from insomnia, depression or anxiety after break up?  (Read 7009 times)
freshstart48

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« on: March 25, 2013, 10:09:30 AM »



I've had some fun two months. I lost my 15 year job out of the blue. I then reconciled with my now ex-BPD_GF with the promise that she's continue with therapy and work on her issues that kept causing our relationship problems. She made it just past 30 days before reverting back to her normal routine of picking a fight and then ending it.

Today is day 9 since then and NC. I'm really battling insomnia. Sometimes I fall asleep easily but wake in 2-3 hours thinking about how she could do this again and did it really happen? I'm then up for a couple of hours before taking an Ambien to knock myself out. I then wake in the morning with terrible morning anxiety that at times requires benzo intervention. I'm careful not to take to many as I know they are addictive.

Anyone gone thru the same and how long till my body and mind calm down and let me sleep and be more at peace with myself?

thanks for your thoughts!
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hithere
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« Reply #1 on: March 25, 2013, 10:12:37 AM »

Sorry to hear about the stress, I think it is normal but you should seek therapy to help talk it out.

Try melatonin for sleeping, it is good and non-addictive.
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motherof1yearold
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« Reply #2 on: March 25, 2013, 10:13:17 AM »

I really hope it doesn't last long for you, but I'm out months out and still suffering the insomnia, anxiety, and depression. I got on meds for the sleep issues and another med for the anxiety! Maybe talk to a doc so you can have some relief.
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freshstart48

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« Reply #3 on: March 25, 2013, 10:25:15 AM »

I really hope it doesn't last long for you, but I'm out months out and still suffering the insomnia, anxiety, and depression. I got on meds for the sleep issues and another med for the anxiety! Maybe talk to a doc so you can have some relief.

Did you have any of these issue prior to the break up?
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motherof1yearold
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« Reply #4 on: March 25, 2013, 10:28:18 AM »

Nope, none of them.

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freshstart48

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« Reply #5 on: March 25, 2013, 10:30:57 AM »

Sorry to hear about the stress, I think it is normal but you should seek therapy to help talk it out.

Try melatonin for sleeping, it is good and non-addictive.

thanks for the suggestion Smiling (click to insert in post)
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freshstart48

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« Reply #6 on: March 25, 2013, 10:32:57 AM »

Nope, none of them.

May I ask how long this has been going on? You said months? What did they put you on? An SSRI or?
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motherof1yearold
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« Reply #7 on: March 25, 2013, 10:54:31 AM »

About 8 months.

For anxiety I'm on klonopin 1mg, for insomnia 25mg Seroquel XR (it's an ssri i believe)

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trevjim
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« Reply #8 on: March 25, 2013, 11:07:57 AM »

Ye I had them pretty bad, couldn't sleep, woke up during the night in cold sweats, clenched jaw a lot and hurt it. Felt sick in mornings. It lasted for a few months but did get easier as time went on.
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Mightyhammers
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« Reply #9 on: March 25, 2013, 11:15:23 AM »

Ive been sleeping ok which has surprised me, but shes always ALWAYS the first thing I think of when Im waking up
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laelle
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« Reply #10 on: March 25, 2013, 11:54:48 AM »

I'm in the same boat, anxiety, depression, panic attacks, moments of hopelessness, cant find the desire to do anything.  I take xanax to sleep at nite.  I tried to explain to my psychiatrist this afternoon what a BPD does to your brain.  LOL, he told me to relax and take a xanax.  Ok, will do  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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lostkitten
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« Reply #11 on: March 25, 2013, 12:19:52 PM »

Yup, you nailed it. I'm taking anti-anxiety meds and melatonin to sleep. Anti-depressants are sure to come - my doctor wants to wait and see if the clouds clear on their own, first. It's been really rough.
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freshstart48

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« Reply #12 on: March 25, 2013, 12:57:11 PM »



I've had anxiety issues in the past and take an SSRI as well. Ironically, I was weaning off the SSRI when I lost the job then my GF. Not a good time to do this when the stress hits epic levels. I've already started to updose to see if it will improve the sleep and calm the anxiety.

I only slept 4 hours last night with the help of Ambien and my anxiety has been very elevated today. I've already taken 1.5mg's of of benzo to take the edge off the high anxiety...

It sucks that my body responds so poorly to high stress and poor sleep by providing anxiety.
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mtmc01
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« Reply #13 on: March 25, 2013, 12:58:08 PM »

Check, check, and check. Thought it does get better. SLOWLY.
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paperlung
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« Reply #14 on: March 25, 2013, 01:04:27 PM »

Yup, and I was already on an SSRI while I was with my ex (mainly for anxiety).

Still, since the split, I wake up in the morning feeling anxious. However, that feeling starts to subside after I get up and start moving.
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dsmoody23

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« Reply #15 on: April 22, 2013, 12:53:01 AM »

I had a lot of the same problems, and still do, to some extent.

It's been a month or so, and I'm still finding it hard to get a full nights sleep. Anything after about 5 straight hours is pretty much unavailable. Some pretty intense / sad nightmares too.

I also have some significant issues with anxiety and confidence, which are entirely new to me. Things I would have just up and done in the past are now things I agonize over and second guess. It sucks, but I'm learning how to work through it.

The only real antidote I've found is exercise. Lift those weights or run, get the endorphins going, add in some muscle soreness and I find I sleep much better. It also helps with the anxiety and confidence issues.

Supplementally, melatonin and chamomile are fairly effective at taking the edge off if you want to avoid real pharmaceuticals.

Also, and I know it sounds new-agey, but meditation and controlled breathing exercises are doing some good too.

Anyone else have any tips or tricks?
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Validation78
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« Reply #16 on: April 22, 2013, 01:14:28 AM »

Hi All!

The things you are feeling are very normal and understandable. At first I used Tylenol PM to sleep, it's very mild and nonaddictive. To deal with anxiety, I used prayers and affirmations like:

I am healthy

I am strong

Letting go is healthy

My decision to let go is healthy

Exercise and deep breathing are great tools as well. When I feel anxious, I do 25 jumping jacks, and take a moment to breath deeply 10 times, say my affirmations, and move on. I repeat these things whenever necessary. Time is our friend, and the further away we get from the stuff that made us anxious and edgy, the better things will be. In the meantime, be kind to yourself.

Best Wishes,

Val78
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causticdork
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« Reply #17 on: April 22, 2013, 06:03:37 AM »

I'm certainly not judging anyone for their chosen methods of coping, and I myself have a prescription for Xanax for those nights where I just can't sleep.  I think though, after having witnessed my ex's drug addiction and what it did to her mentally, that the anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds can actually hinder the whole healing process.  I'm not talking about meds that people were on before the relationship started.  I think that depression and anxiety are very real mental conditions and that medication can be incredibly helpful for those who suffer from them.

I think though that we tend to lump sadness and heartache, which are reactions from a normal brain when it experiences loss or trauma, in with clinical depression and anxiety, which are chemical imbalances that often require SSRI's and benzos to help balance out.  A lot of us don't have chemical imbalances.  We're just sad because our hearts are broken.

When you're dealing with a drug addict the experts will tell you that whatever age they started using at is also the age they stopped maturing.  So if an alcoholic started drinking heavily at 15, they are emotionally still 15 even if they're 50-years-old.  Because when you start using any sort of mind-altering substance as a crutch to avoid dealing with your feelings, you stop growing.  I saw this in myself when my doctor put me on SSRI's to deal with my anxiety about ten years ago.  I felt kind of fine all the time, but I wasn't dealing with why I felt anxious and sad all the time.  I didn't start dealing with that until I got off the SSRI's and started actually feeling all the bad stuff and making myself deal with it.

I don't mean to soapbox or anything... .   I just think that we treat normal grief and sadness the same way we treat chemical imbalances, and when we do that we deny ourselves the chance to grow and learn and heal completely.  It's a disservice to ourselves.
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sueyo

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« Reply #18 on: April 22, 2013, 06:16:26 AM »

Yeap, me too. Im one month out from my break up with my exBPD. I exhausted thinking about her. its driving me crazy. I just find myself thinking of her. And usely when I do Im playing a story in my head about how abused I was, then how loving she could be sometimes. She fits perfectly into my childhood history where I was abused, then get sent to my room where I would just sit there with my thoughts of how bad I am. Then I would wait for my mother to show somekind of kindness toward me so that I knew I was ok. This is what I did with my exBPD. she'd abuse me, manipulate me and then i would do what I could to get her to show me some kind of sign that we were ok again. That was my sign that "I" was ok.

This is the story I keep playing in my head. I know to move on and learn to know that I am a wonderful loving worthy person in this world. but yet I have learned to look to the environment for that validation. My exBPD for that validation.

So its about retraining the mind to refocus off of her and to begin to learn to focus on you.

Have your tried EFT yet? Emotional Freedom Tech. I am doing that now with a counselor and it is soo soo helpful. it has cut the edge off enough for me to begin to squeeze in some of ME focus. I can build on that. Aint saying its easy. Im so exhausted at the end of the day. and sometimes I just give up.

But I know its the only way to healing and creating inner peace with and for myself.
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Surrender
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« Reply #19 on: April 22, 2013, 10:42:27 AM »

It's the same with me. I can't sleep and when I finally get to sleep I have terrible dreams that are all related to this entire distorted experience. I wake up having huge anxiety. I had to get some sleeping pills but even that is not helping. I'll pass out for a couple of hours and wake up in the same state over and over again throughout the night. I'm 3 weeks and 3 days N/C... .   still a mess though but getting better. I can tell however this is going to take some time.

The thought of dating freaks me right out after this experience.
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Sleep doc
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« Reply #20 on: April 22, 2013, 04:23:27 PM »

  Well the insomnia has passed which is great.  The depression oddly is more about me and why I would engage in anything like this and less about her.  I have been working primarily with my therapist on the concept of worthiness - how can I find self worth and NOT require external validation.  It is this need for external validation of my false self that drove this entire relationship.  I willingly entered into a relationship with a person who I knew was unstable - that says as much if not more about me than it even does about her to be truthful.  The realization that I have so much work to do on myself to become worthy of ME is really depressing to be honest.  But if I can make it over that mountain (and you will too) there is both a better persona and a better love waiting for you.  

The anxiety?  Well yeah that is just straight PTSD.  In my mind that is the one that takes the longest to resolve.  I find for me the anxiety is more around running into them somewhere and me not being prepared yet to be indifferent.  That I will feel true guilt and shame for still having feelings for this person who has NO feelings for me at all.  I may have ended it with her, but her disease allows her to move on so much faster than me.  Anxiety... .   that one is tough.  I am really looking forward to the day that I wake up and the thought of her isn't on my mind.  That I can go an entire day without thinking of how she treated me, how crazy and psychotic she became in the end, and how my ego enmeshment has disappeared.  Man I can hardly wait for that day.  But you know what, and I'm not sure if people have experienced this, but that painful yearning to be around her, to hang on her every word, to wonder what she could even be doing... .   that is gone.  And that gives me hope.
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sueyo

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« Reply #21 on: April 22, 2013, 07:54:51 PM »

"I find for me the anxiety is more around running into them somewhere and me not being prepared yet to be indifferent.  That I will feel true guilt and shame for still having feelings for this person who has NO feelings for me at all.  I may have ended it with her, but her disease allows her to move on so much faster than me.  Anxiety... .   that one is tough.  I am really looking forward to the day that I wake up and the thought of her isn't on my mind.  That I can go an entire day without thinking of how she treated me, how crazy and psychotic she became in the end,"

I so agree with what you said. I have so much shame for STILL 'being in love' with my exBPD. I want it to go away. I find I cry for her mostly NOT ME. Crazy backward messed up stuff. She moved on with no looking back. Just like that and here I am one month later beating myself up cause I cant stop thinking of her. I cant forgive myself for choosing to love someone who was so manipulative and all that crazy BPD crap. I angry at me, then Im angry at her, then I dont feel anything. It just hasnt been enough time yet for me to sort through all of what my life has been for the last 3 1/2 years. I got to get past some of this pain so I cant get a perspective on it, MY contribution, my deep deep lack of love and validation for myself. Im so made at my mother right now too, for having no skills to raise a child. although I get she did the best she could and I do forgive her, I just need to be mad at her right now.

God give me the strength and courage to keep pushing myself so that I to will wake up one day and think of something other than my ex!
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BradyK
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« Reply #22 on: April 23, 2013, 12:28:59 AM »

I definitely suffered from insomnia, depression and anxiety after my break up, and it lasted longer than I expected, but I have greatly improved over time. After about 4 months, I could sleep and no longer felt intensely anxious. After about 7 months the depression lifted to a large extent. I still have things to work on, but I am no longer worried that recovery is impossible.

I also want to share that my experience with SSRI's was the opposite of Causticdork's experience. I found that my anti-depression meds actually gave me the wherewithal to deal with my feelings in a substantial way, and sped up my recovery. They were not a crutch and did not dull or mask my feelings in any way. When the meds kicked in I still felt terrible, but the difference was I felt like I could actually cope and face my issues, face facts, and deal. Like my pilot light came back on or something, and I could start to cook if I chose to do so... .   Hard to describe.
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