mtmc01, I know we see on here a lot that we have been through and relate with a lot of situations, pain, disappointment, inhuman emotional abuse and sometimes basic evil. However, there is triumph, realization, understanding, even a sense of self and accomplishment that we never thought possible after the life we just been through. One thing to remember in the beginning of recovery, our feelings can change from day to day, sometimes minute to minute (which is very familiar from spending time with BPD's) and making some sound decisions does not seem possible. However, some things that have helped me from people on here is understanding I was not going to find closure in the sense of what I thought closure was. It had to be totally closure with only me. If I based closure on what her and I came up with, it would never get to a healing process, because the questions of "what if I?", or "why don't they care?" or having happiness and peace based on how she's doing will always have us feeling like waiting for a wrong bus that never comes anyway. Making decisions to stop the bleeding by NC, with her and the famliy---and the puppy feels so bad and so hard, but gets us started to living life for us and not selling ours souls for their happiness. Please read,
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=191374.0 "Today is one year after my breakup with BPDgf" from member 'exBPDgf' I read it often. Sometimes it sucks to hear "it will get better", but when committed to "OUR" happiness instead of theirs and realizing no matter what we do, say, prove, or worry about, it will not change and we will suffer needlessly. Hope this helped. You helped me today because I know I'm not alone in the feelings I've had and continue to struggle with. Thanks.
