So, there are at least two types of "bad and good", where we want to protect ourselves from the bad while experiencing the good. One is emotions and feelings. Another people.
I remember talking to a T about this, regarding living with my ex. When talking about living with my wife and how much I felt I needed to protect myself, I said I don't want to be living in the middle of a hurricane where I have to live inside a concrete building with peep-holes for windows. I want to be able to live with picture windows that I can look out and open to feel and smell the fresh air. With something that drastic, the best solution for me is to leave my wife. Which I did.
Fortunately, the real world isn't so extreme. What I've learned is that I want to be able to experience as much of the world as I can, while still being reasonably safe. I could try (1) become superman, emotionally and physically, (2) have inpenetrable armor--not practical, sounds miserable, and as the thread's title implies--will keep the good out the good, or (3) make my self stronger by taking care of myself and have defenses that I can uses when I am threatened--emotional coping tools (self-compassion, self-soothing) to protect my emotional self, and boundaries that also protect my emotional self as well as my physical self. I think we all realize that the correct approach is #3.
To allow ourselves to experience a full and rich life, we need a strong house and we need to maintain it--taking care or our emotional and physical selves, we need doors and windows to protect ourselves and belongings--our boundaries, and, because we will make mistakes and not close the doors and windows when we should, we need to be able to repair ourselves--self-compassion, self-forgiveness, and self-soothing.
AnotherPheonix
