BPD with drug and/or alcohol abuse?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Did your pwBPD have a problem with that?


Mine did. It was scary how much she could drink. Shots, beer, whatever. Could out-drink men a lot bigger than her.

When she was in her late teens/early 20s, before I knew her, she even had a cocaine problem.


And even for our 2nd attempt at things, years later, at age 29, she was a heavy drinker & pot-smoker, plus pills such as pain-killers & what-not.


I think a lot of people in their early 20s can go through a phase. But most grow out of it. Including myself.

I have no problem with having a beer or 3 every now & then these days. But I also don't use it as a crutch or to self-medicate, either. And yes, a few years back I did stupidly reintroduce weed back into my life for about a year. I suppose I had my bad reasons at the time, but I have no more interest in that stuff anymore.


I cannot have somebody in my life who abuses booze and/or drugs, whether they are BPD or not.

But with those with BPD, it seems like it just makes things that much worse for them & those around them. Especially with the weed (paranoia).


What are your experiences on this?

[delgato]

Did your pwBPD have a problem with that?


Mine did. It was scary how much she could drink. Shots, beer, whatever. Could out-drink men a lot bigger than her.

When she was in her late teens/early 20s, before I knew her, she even had a cocaine problem.


And even for our 2nd attempt at things, years later, at age 29, she was a heavy drinker & pot-smoker, plus pills such as pain-killers & what-not.


I think a lot of people in their early 20s can go through a phase. But most grow out of it. Including myself.

I have no problem with having a beer or 3 every now & then these days. But I also don't use it as a crutch or to self-medicate, either. And yes, a few years back I did stupidly reintroduce weed back into my life for about a year. I suppose I had my bad reasons at the time, but I have no more interest in that stuff anymore.


I cannot have somebody in my life who abuses booze and/or drugs, whether they are BPD or not.

But with those with BPD, it seems like it just makes things that much worse for them & those around them. Especially with the weed (paranoia).


What are your experiences on this?

[Somewhere]

Pretty common.

Mrs. Somewhere has a pretty thick addiction, etc., resume, as well.

But it a little outside the scope of this board.

For those things, look at www.soberrecovery.com.  I post over there as "Hammer."

Supposed to be somewhere over half the folks in long-term addiction recovery have some dual-issues (addiction + mental illness). 

[turtle]

Hi delgato!

Substance abuse is very common among those with BPD. 

My crazyx was/is an alcoholic -- although he would never admit it.

The chaos pwBPD feel inside is immense.  It is very common that pwBPD try to quiet that chaos with substances, which of course, just makes everything worse.

Bleh!

@somewhere --- thanks for the link.

turtle

[me757]

My exBPD was definitely an alcoholic. We'd get in fights because I would get mad at her drinking wine at 8 am. She would always say it was cause she felt bad... . too ease the hangover from the night before. She would sneak drinks from my liquor cabinet early on. I eventually just stopped buying alcohol to avoid the drunken mood swings. Then she got defensive and thought I judged her... . in time she would move on to another guy who enabled her.

[Findingmysong723]

My Ex Boyfriend, was a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, so now I'm not quite sure if his behavior was him dealing with his recovery or BPD traits. However, whatever it was, it was hard!

[asher2]

My ex told me about her cocaine use before she met me but supposedly was clean from that. If she was still using during our time together, she kept it well hid from me (and it wouldn't surprise me if she did just that).

But red flag #104 was a night I was having dinner at her parents house with her. She's in her late 20's and her mom was an awesome cook and made us a great dinner one night while we were waiting for her dad to come home from work. We were having pasta and the wine was flowing pretty good. By the end of the meal, her mom was pretty drunk and asked my ex if she wanted to smoke some weed. My ex happily accepted as she liked to do that on occasion. I on the other hand have never done that.

The next thing I know her mom is going to her bedroom to get some weed and she is drawing the shades in the living room of their rural home closed. Thoughts going through my head at this point... .  1) Mom and daughter smoking weed together... .  awesome. 2)Who is the mom's "dealer"? 3) How did I get in the middle of all this?

Like I said... .  it should have been red flag #104... .  

[Somewhere]

@somewhere --- thanks for the link.

turtle

Very Welcome.

Here is a sort of interesting (at least to me) thread over there, pretty much discussing all this from the other side.  A few recovering BPD are on in on the discussion, so it has some really good perspectives that we cannot see from within the limits of bpdfamily.com

www.soberrecovery.com/forums/mental-health/289307-borderlline-personality-disorder-thread.html

[delgato]

But it a little outside the scope of this board.

Hi, yeah, sorry about that... . I sort of realized after I posted.


Yet at the same time, I think it can be somewhat difficult to detach knowing that somebody has drug/alcohol issues on top of / because of their BPD.

I know it's up to the individual themselves for them to want to get better & seek treatment. I hate just walking away -- even though technically I got painted black again & am on forever silent treatment -- because I've been there myself with drug/alcohol addiction years & years ago. Fortunately I had good family who helped me get help, & saw that I got better. (Of course, I also personally wanted/needed it for myself at the time).

I'm just glad & fortunate that my family didn't detach or abandon, in my case... . which just brings up lots of guilt re: pwBPD, that I couldn't have been there to do the same for her. I've been there myself, so I know what the addiction is like, and at least in part know what she's been going through all these years.

Just brings up lots of memories & emotions for me, I suppose.

[turtle]

@somewhere --

That thread WAS interesting, but for me... .  and that means just for ME... .  it's just further proof that I am way out of my league.  The drug/alcohol thing is too much for me. My life was nearly destroyed by a drug addict that did NOT have BPD.  Throw an alcoholic BPD in on top of it, and I am more than OUT!

Yet at the same time, I think it can be somewhat difficult to detach knowing that somebody has drug/alcohol issues on top of / because of their BPD.

I know it's up to the individual themselves for them to want to get better & seek treatment. I hate just walking away -- .

And you also know that sometimes... .  SOMETIMES... .  it is the fact that we walk away that causes them to get help.  Not EVERY time, but SOMETIMES.  And in the MEANTIME... .  YOU are well within your rights to seek out a life that is free from addict crap and BPD crap!

Hard stuff.

turtle

[delgato]

And you also know that sometimes... .  SOMETIMES... .  it is the fact that we walk away that causes them to get help.  Not EVERY time, but SOMETIMES.  And in the MEANTIME... .  YOU are well within your rights to seek out a life that is free from addict crap and BPD crap!

Hard stuff.

turtle

For her sake, I certainly hope so. I wish her well in life.

And thank you.


This thread has been another "a-ha!" moment for me on a new dimension to this BPD-attraction/addiction of mine. First time this particular aspect of it has been brought to the surface.

Making even more sense now.

[gettingoverit]

I guess the question really is, what is drug and alcohol abuse? For most the answer would seem rather simple, however in my case not so much. My ex smoked weed almost every night after her kids went to bed. I hate that ___! In fact she kept that from me for over a year that she smoked it as much as she does. Don't get me wrong, if you want to smoke that stuff every once in a while... . fine... .  no big deal. If however you need to smoke it every night just to chill out, in my books you have a problem. The thing I didn't like was how much her personality changed. From uptight OCD child, to total stoner, loud and obnoxious type. I have had people tell me that smoking weed every night does not mean you have a problem, kinda like people who have a drink every night, does not mean that they have a drinking problem. My ex tried to tell me that she could quit any time but chose not too. She tried to quit a few time but could not last for longer than six weeks before she would need to light up again. If I would ask her not to smoke a particular evening, she would get all pissy with me, give me the silent treatment, sulk,  which would start a fight, which inevitably would give her the excuse she needed to light up again in the garage. Does my BPDx have a drug problem? I think she does, others don't though... .  so who is right?