Are BPDs Love Addicts?

[WillSurvive420]

my ex gf wBPD and i were constantly bickering... .  way more than my friends would argue. i hadnt been in a serious relationship before but i knew this wasnt normal, but i was naive. Looking back, i could be pretty mean to her... .  calling her stupid, and cussing at her... .  not cool in restrospect... .  something im working on in myself. to stop  criticizing other people bc of my subconscious insecurities... .  Anyway, looking back, im wondering why she didnt leave sooner over something that was a bigger deal? I feel like she was addicted to our sex... . maybe not as much as me, but still addicted... .  ( she had sex with me twice, but i feel she was dissociated at the time... .  simply a primate instinct i suppose, or habit out of stress?) but she didnt like kissing too much after we broke up, but was ok with sex... .  Anyway, can BPDS be love addicts or co dependents in themselves?

[flynavy]

IMHO... .  I've experienced true love for 32 years with my loving, caring, selfless wife who unfortunately for everyone who knew her died from Ovarian Cancer 3 1/2 years ago.  As the experts put it... .  I truly believe they are children masking some painful experience/experiences with high intensity experiences... .  the most high intensity seems to be with sex... .  does not matter with who some times... .  actually often becasue they are addicted to the intensity level that stops the pain for that brief moment... .  but like any addict... .  it does not solve the problem... .  only makes it worse.  Thus multiple partners, casual partners, partners at the same time... .  think of the rush/intensity if you are having sex with your so called love of your life and the other love of your life could come over and catch you!  Mine actually did at 12:30AM.  If you could have seen her face... .  she actually got off on it... .  so addicted to Love... .  no... .  addicted to surviving and stopping the pain with high intensity... .  dramatic behavior... .  positive or negative... .  just my opinion

[flynavy]

Sorry... .  I wanted to say this as well... .  when my wife did come home and told me (I was home recovering from double hernia surgery so i couldnt go this Dr. appt with her) She held me as I cried... .  she said she was alright and always loved me deeply!  Can you all feel my tears right now... .  this is love... .  this is the way it is supposed to be!

One last story of true love.  Hospice told me that when people are dying they distance themselves towards the end from the one they love the most... .  its true because I experienced it.  But here is true love... .  in bed my wife would put a wall of pillows between us to protect the morphine lines she needed to keep the pain away.  I became the caretaker... .  not the husband... .  however one night very close to the end while we slept, she reached through the pillows and placed her hand on my thigh... .  we stayed that way all night.  That was the last and probably most intimate moment in my life... .  its about intimacy... .  not intensity!

[LetItBe]

Yes, they can be codependent, too.  My uBPDxbf certainly had CD traits, especially "people pleasing."  He'd try and try to please people close to him (usually), but then when he imagined himself to be in a position where he had to prioritize one person's needs over another, he'd completely dysregulate and become upset that he couldn't please everyone, then project those bad feelings onto whoever's needs he'd just "prioritized," accusing them (okay, me) of trying to trick him.  This happened a couple of times when he was trying to please me AND his bf -- even though his bf and I are both low-maintenance, were not trying to trick him, or make him choose one of us over the other.

As the experts put it... .  I truly believe they are children masking some painful experience/experiences with high intensity experiences... .  

Yes, this is common with those who become attached to pwBPD, also.

[recoil]

FlyNavy,

I lost my wife 2.5 years ago (colon cancer).  She was only 34.  We were together fourteen years.  Your story about the pillows makes me want to cry. 

Luckily for my wife, she was snatched away in the glimpse of an eye and didn't have to suffer the hospice experience. 

But I know, in my heart of hearts, we would have had moments just like the one you wrote about.  That is indeed true love.

I don't think people with BPD are love addicts.  They don't even know what true love is.  Toxic love addicts?  Maybe.

[flynavy]

Recoil... .  so sorry for your loss!  Much Much too soon!  I actually said to my exBPD/NPD that I didn't think she was capable of love... .  she did not deny or confirm... .  cuz it doesn't matter to them.  It never was about love for them.  They will tell you they love you to get what they NEED! or to reel you back in again and again!

So recoil... .  we were blessed to have known true love... .  what it truly feels like to be loved... .  the cornerstone is putting someone else, the one you love,  before yourself... .  and as we all know on this site a BPD or combo BPD/NPD/Histrionic CANNOT do that. 

Toxic is a term I hear so much with people who have had teh unfortunate experience with a BPD... .  I am sorry for your experience there as well... .  we certainly know what to look for and now look out for!