Pets and BPD

[Buzz77]

This might be one of the strangest posts you've ever read... . but my ex loved her pets as well as animals in general; not so great to me, but great to them... .  have any of you noticed BPD exes great w/ animals and pets?   

[Findingmysong723]

Yea, my ex and I started talking on a dating site, because we both were were such animal lovers. He also adopted his pets because he was so lonely. I think that animals are important to them, because they give unconditional love, which of course is one of the greatest traits they have! I remember hearing him tell his animals he loved them, it was almost a way to stick it to me or something. I noticed he would always talk about how much his animals loved me, like in some weird way it might of been his way of sharing his feelings in a non-direct way. However, at the end of our relationship, he kept telling how much he wanted to fall in love with me, but couldn't.

I really believe he doesn't know how to love anyone in a healthy way. Also, he told me when he first met me, that he had never been in love and if he had, it was only once, ah red flag!

[trampledfoot]

Great Thread here.


So I am a HUGE animal lover. My ex never really was I had a dog when we met and she HATED my dog was jealous of him and my "relationship" him. she always bad mouthed my dog in front of her friends etc alwasy claimed "he isnt even trained he is horrible" or "he doesnt love you animals cant love." Also during rages she would tell me to kill my dog or threaten him.

Anyways, during one of our breakups ... .  yep she went and got a dog... .  go figure. My ex struggled finding a respectable job and any tiem a job would onvolve her working more than 8-hours the black and white kicked in and she would say "I will have to give Vali(her dog) away there is no way I can care for her if I take this job"


Finding my song If i had a dollar for every time i heard "i dont think I love you any more"... .  

[Findingmysong723]

Yea, I hear ya trampledfoot. I'm not sure what's worse, to be told they love you all the time and then at the end say they never loved you at all or them telling you I wanted to fall in love with you so bad, but couldn't. A person telling you that they hate not feeling what they want or something of that nature. I think I choose to look at it, as someone who wasn't able to feel something because he was never taught what healthy love was and hasn't found that in himself, so how could he give it to me? Makes me feel better, less rejected! Ironically, he told me that a lot that, I couldn't love anyone if I didn't love myself, I agree I need to learn to love myself more but he needs to learn to do that himself! When he broke up with me, he told me I was closed off, look who's talking! Oh well! Sorry I went on a tangent.

[Changed4safety]

Yes, my ex loved animals very much, he found them very comforting and healing and had endless patience and gentleness with them. 

[Bananas]

Yea, my ex and I started talking on a dating site, because we both were were such animal lovers. He also adopted his pets because he was so lonely. I think that animals are important to them, because they give unconditional love, which of course is one of the greatest traits they have! I remember hearing him tell his animals he loved them, it was almost a way to stick it to me or something. I noticed he would always talk about how much his animals loved me, like in some weird way it might of been his way of sharing his feelings in a non-direct way. However, at the end of our relationship, he kept telling how much he wanted to fall in love with me, but couldn't.

I really believe he doesn't know how to love anyone in a healthy way. Also, he told me when he first met me, that he had never been in love and if he had, it was only once, ah red flag!

Almost EXACT same story for me.  My ex was devasted when his dog died.  He told me afterward he will never have another dog because it hurts too much to lose them.  It has been over two years and he has stuck to that.  My ex also loved my dogs.  That is definitely what brought us together.  And the dog he loved the most was my most withdrawn one that has a lot of issues, that can't really leave the house and no one but me can pet.  Interesting. 

[Buzz77]

I think it is the unconditional love thing as well. I used to have to hold my ex anywhere from two to three hours whenever she slept over (sometimes five to six hours; she slept like a leaf while I was up most of the night, uncomfortable, my muscles stiff from being in awkward positions for too long)... .  she especially liked being held in the morning; funnily she once told me: "When you are gone, who will hold me?" She smiled and then added, "I'll get a dog to replace you."

[flynavy]

Wow... .  my exBPD/NPD had a horse when she was 13... .  her 8 year old standby boyfriend owns a horse ranch.  She loved her cats... .  she had chickens she called her girls and would show pictures and talk ad-nauseum when we were out... .  

[LoveNotWar]

My ex has a dog who is absolutely beautiful and he loves her very much. The dog is smart, well trained and well behaved. He is the master of that dog without a doubt and he likes that.

I think it's the unconditional love from that sweet animal that makes my ex love her so much.

I MISS that dog. 

[Clearmind]

This might be one of the strangest posts you've ever read... . but my ex loved her pets as well as animals in general; not so great to me, but great to them... .  have any of you noticed BPD exes great w/ animals and pets?    

Buzz, I also adore animals! While its tempting to see this as a BPD trait - unfortunately its not.

Is a known fact that animals are great companions and yes provide unconditional love.

Interestingly threads with this title crop up every 2 or so months.

I guess we need to find the reason why we stayed despite us knowing we were not treated the way we deserved.

[cska]

I dunno, mine hated animals 

[AllyCat7]

Wow... .  my exBPD/NPD had a horse when she was 13... .  her 8 year old standby boyfriend owns a horse ranch.  She loved her cats... .  she had chickens she called her girls and would show pictures and talk ad-nauseum when we were out... .  

My BPDexbf (who was a waif type) had a thing for cats, although he never had one of his own. I also notice some people with BPD have an affinity for horses. I'm not sure what their attraction to horses is about but I once read an article on cat people and how people who are cat people tend to have issues with prolonged and intense intimacy. I don't have BPD, but I have some intimacy issues and I realized that, as much as I love dogs, I find their constant attention to be too much sometimes (from when I dog-sat). Maybe I'm not used to it or maybe it was not the right match for me. I will have to figure that out. Either way, I'm def not a cat person. I find them to be too aloof and standoffish... .  and you can't really play with them... .  seems pointless

[imstronghere2]

Yup.  Mine was the "crazy old cat lady".   She brought 7 cats into our home, and a dog.  She even admitted she could have empathy for an animal but not a human.  She up and left all of them with me when she abandoned us.  Why take an animal when you don't even want your own biological children?

Crazy is as crazy does.

Glad she's gone but now I'm the "crazy old cat man".    Ugh   

[lhd981]

THANK YOU so much for starting this thread! Some of my own experiences are definitely echoed here.

My BPD exgf told me that when she was a teenager, she had 9 cats that she rescued - an entire litter. She even showed me pictures of all of them sleeping in her bed. She even said that they "were her best friends" during those years. That made me want to cry, because I knew she had a rough life

When I was with her, she was down to three, but absolutely loved and cherished her "favorite". When her work stress flared up, she'd often go talk and cuddle with her favorite cat, usually ignoring me altogether. There were many times when she'd walk through the door, right past me, and into the bedroom to cuddle with her cat.

When we were "courting" before starting the relationship, she'd often make comments like "<cat's name> really likes you, she always jumps on the phone when you text!".

There was an incident once where one of her cats (not her favorite one) was sick and was peeing all over her apartment - but my ex was in a busy season at work and was in the office on all days/hours that the vet was open, which was really stressing her out; so I offered to move my schedule around and drive up to take her sick cat to the vet one afternoon. She lashed out on me, telling me that she doesn't "need an assistant" and that she "does things her own way for a reason". Incidentally, she also said "If <the cat> doesn't get better, I'm just going to open the door and leave him on the street".

Then the incident where she tried to get me to adopt her mother's old cat, which I politely declined. She became so upset that she threatened to break up with me if I didn't adopt it; eventually it led to her saying "if you ever get another cat, then I'll strangle it while you sleep". She later apologized for it, but I'll never forget how sinister she sounded.

[PDX40]

Still remember when my daughter's Guinea pig died.

My ex called me at work because the Guinea pig was behaving weird. So I left my job - she always expected that because I was self employed and never had a real job in her opinion - went to her place and spend some time with my daughter and the Guinea pig. She was dieing for sure and my little one was devastated.

While we both sat on the couch holding the animal, my ex asked whether it would be OK for her to go to the gym. I couldn't say anything, shocked of the lack of compassion. She left.

There we were, my daughter, her Guinea pig and me. Later, she died and we buried her in a box, crying like something else... .  no mother around to comfort her child.

[lhd981]

PDX40:

Off-topic, but I'm also self-employed and my first BPD ex always acted like I didn't have a real job in her eyes, and that I could just run home on a moment's notice whenever she needed me to. Never mind the fact that she didn't work and we lived in the lap of luxury. Part of it was not understanding (or caring about) what I do for a living, part was an insidious selfishness on her part, and part was, I believe, her not truly respecting me. Oh, hindsight!