So... . DSS (or CPS) visited us today because of a bruise that was noticed on our S6's neck last week. Ironically, the bruise resulted from something completely innocent but being notified that a report was made to DSS scared the crap out of my uBPDh. Which was great for a day or two. However, yesterday he was told he was not offered a job he was hoping to get because they were "afraid he would not be able to empathize with his subordinates." Then today while DSS was speaking with us he was very dominating and "pushy" during the questions. At one point we were asked if our S6 was afraid of him. uBPDh said, "NO!" then turned to our son in a very intimidating voice & posture and asked, "You're not afraid of me, are you?" S6 says (with his head down), "yes... . I mean, ... . no" Then looked up at his dad with a very questioning look. So DSS worker says very gently, "let me try. S6, are you sometimes afraid of your daddy?" Again, S6 hangs his head and says, "well... . sometimes... . I mean, no" Then again looks up at his dad who says quite loudly, "S6, where did THAT come from? Huh?" S6 just shrugged with his head down again. Yeah, so this should be interesting!
Just for clarity, all four kids were asked questions. My daughters (who uBPDh told the DSS worker he rarely interacts with them) were all very cheerful, pleasant and interacted (jokes, smiles, etc) with me and the DSS worker during the entire visit. S6 was very quiet, a bit withdrawn but smiled at me and the DSS worker lots. uBPDh also was very defensive when asked for what reasons he's in therapy and admitted openly to the DSS worker that he disagrees with me about discipline. Whenever he was asked a question about discipline he was quick to give negative answers, "they don't know how to act", "they are disrespectful", "I have spanked them and yelled at them" but when I was asked, it actually took me a minute to think of ANY discipline problem and had to be pressed for how I would actively discipline (if talking it over didn't work - which was my answer because it has always worked with my kids in nearly 95% of cases - only for extreme instances have I had to "take action" and my answer was, "Um... . grounding them, usually. But I can't even remember the last time I had to do that." I got lots of smiles and reciprocal conversation with the DSS worker... . with my husband, her responses were mostly "uh hmm", "I see".
Yeah, this should be really interesting. I wasn't worried going into this visit and I'm not worried about her impression of me now. I know I'm a great mom and having three teenagers (that I actually get along with
) and a young son who regularly talk to me about their issues, I know "the proof is in the pudding" so to speak. I am kinda shocked that uBPDh acted how he did. I really thought he'd try to be a little more "charming" as I've seen him do in past instances where he was trying to convince someone of his "innocence." After his behavior today, I'm betting we'll hear more from DSS.
