Recovery Time

[ScotisGone74]

I'm now at the 6 month mark of No Contact and it finally feels like I'm really beginning to put this whole nightmarish experience behind me at this point.  The first few months it was not possible for me to feel any worse than I did, I wondered sometimes how one person could purposefully cause so much pain.   I still have a little anxiety about seeing her or bumping into her in public, but I now know that I can walk right past her without saying a word, even looking at her, I would just have a little smile on my face and keep my eyes straight ahead as I would with any stranger on the street.  Thats sad to say that is how it would be after all the time we spent together, but for me thats how it would have to be.    I don't know what the usual recovery time is for Nons who have been in long term relationships with expwBPD is, but I have read it takes half the time you were together with them to fully recover from all of it.  I believe it can be done faster than that if a person has the support and surroundings they need.  I'd enjoy hearing how long your recovery is/has taken and the bumps along the road of it. 

[Confusedandhurt]

ScotisGone,

My own recovery is going slower than I hoped.  I was in a relationship with my uBPDexgf for 4.5 years when she ended things with a text message last July.  I still think about her almost constantly and wonder when it will really get better.  I'm seeing a T which has helped, but somehow I feel as though I lost the most important thing in my life when she threw me away.  Unfortunately, she occasionally contacts me after telling me that she didn't want any contact.  I finally had to tell her that I couldn't be friends after the way I was treated, and I've decided not to respond to her calls or texts.

I'm hoping that before too long I'll be able to have the strength that you do.  You're doing great!

Stay strong!

C&H

[apple]

At times I feel like I am doing pretty good in the recovery process but there are times where I wish I could just forget everything. Mentally exhausted... .  I don't know if a person can ever be as they were before a relationship such as these and think there are slight remains from the trauma that we carry with us. If I was able to have zero contact it would be such a blessing.  having had to endure a divorce, financial devastation, an immediate replacement in my kids lives ( although temporary), and then a re-cycle I think I would be much further along than I am at this time. 

The thing that gets me is that she tries to talk to me about her life as though she's done nothing wrong like we are friends?  She must not have a f-ing clue as to what I really think of her.

[nona]

Interesting timeline you mention.

"it takes 1/2 the time one was in a BPD r/s to recover"

I was married 10 years.

out now 2 years LC as we share child custody 50/50.

I have finally hit a turning point where I am no loner triggered EVERYTIME I have to have contact with UBPDX.

2 years more of the fight/flight AFTER LEAVING.

My nervous system/brain chemistry has finally calmed.

The cognitive distortion is.

I still experience cognitive distortion when I send D10 to his house EOW. D10 has to be all smiley while going back to the house of Jurrasic Park. My mammal mother fight or flight wants to kick in, as I know I am sending her back there with him.

I am reading Brain based parenting.

It is so humbling to acknowledge the brain damage that happened being in a r/s with bat ___ crazy for soo long.

D10 suffers serious attachment issues. I was worrying she had inherited BPD.

Now I see the brain chemical feedback loops we have been trapped in her whole life.

It's all she knows.

2 years out , basically no contact. I m now at a new place of really feeling the hurt that was not safe to feel while I was in the r/s. Just little waves of it. Not disabling hurt. Really feeling tenderness toward self. Self focused. Not focused on him all the time.

The NC is POWERFUL and necessary for my brain to calm down.

NC is what started and nourishes the healing process.

and yes its taking way longer than I ever wanted or imagined.

[nona]

I also went from 160 to 120 # over 2 years NC/LC.

It was almost like I was shedding and detoxing from the BPD r/s.

Now I am SLEEPING a ton, and gaining some weight.

I am realizing how much that r/s DRAINED me almost to death.

We all had chronic diarhea the last year together from living in Jurrasic Park/BPD.

Its like I need years of rest after living in a pressure cooker.

I need rest and food.

The weight I am gaining feels like ME weight.

Living on irish grass fed butter. yep. even in my coffee.

Im realizing much of this healing is physical and brain healing as well as emotional processing.

[Deleted]

First off I want to wish you the best of luck and keep up the NC.

It takes a while from my experience the hardest part is dealing with no closure and coming to the realization that I was used. The anxiety is completely normal. There are times that I get a nervous and extra vigilant whenever I go into her part town which I have to for my commute. I start saying how would I react to seeing her. Join a gym, do something you enjoy for at least one hour a day. Post and read up on BPD whenever you feel like you have anxiety. It gets better. It took me a year to feel at ease although I do get upset at times but its slowly diminishing.