Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
January 22, 2021, 10:43:54 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
  Help!   Groups   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: why can't I when he could?  (Read 1280 times)
crystalclear
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 155


« on: June 02, 2013, 02:04:02 AM »

Over 4 months now since he broke up with me.

Unable to forget him... . I considered him my husband as we were to be married. The feeling of belonging and comfort that 'the one' should bring to one, is what I feel even now when I think of him.

He has moved on, engaged now. To be married next month.

I miss 'us'... . I miss his smile... . I miss hearing his voice... . his laugh... . :'(

I want to get out of this... . he wronged me... . gave up on us when we could work it out... .

Feel misrable... . hopeless and hurt... .

Why can't I move on already... . when he could in a matter of months?

Why did he love me when he was not the one?
Logged
schwing
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: married to a non
Posts: 3597


WWW
« Reply #1 on: June 02, 2013, 02:19:59 AM »

Hi Crystalclear and  Welcome

Over 4 months now since he broke up with me.

Unable to forget him... . I considered him my husband as we were to be married. The feeling of belonging and comfort that 'the one' should bring to one, is what I feel even now when I think of him.

I know how difficult it is to forget someone who not to long ago you expected to marry.  Considering the degree of your attachment to him, four months is not a lot of time to detach.  It is even more difficult to let go considering that the manner in which he left you was an abandonment of a sort.

He broke your heart and he abandoned you.

He has moved on, engaged now. To be married next month.

I miss 'us'... . I miss his smile... . I miss hearing his voice... . his laugh... . :'(

I want to get out of this... . he wronged me... . gave up on us when we could work it out... .

Feel misrable... . hopeless and hurt... .

Why can't I move on already... . when he could in a matter of months?

He was able to move on mainly because he is disordered.  Because of his disorder, he can transfer his attachment from one person to another rapidly.  My understanding is that for people with BPD (pwBPD), their lack of object constancy allows this to happen.  PwBPD do not attach to others in the same way that non-disordered people do.


Why did he love me when he was not the one?

He loved you because he wanted you to be the one.  But for him, the "one" is the one who does not trigger his disordered feelings.  Unfortunately for him, pretty much everyone will do so.  

This is part of the reason why he is so insistent on getting engaged and married so quickly; after he's spent enough time with someone, his disordered feelings begin to overwhelm him.

Best wishes, Schwing
Logged

crystalclear
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 155


« Reply #2 on: June 02, 2013, 02:44:58 AM »

Thank you for your response schwing!

Disorder or not, their actions and decisions seem to affect us more than our own.

It's unfair that 'they' teach us how weak 'we' are?

CC

Logged
schwing
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: married to a non
Posts: 3597


WWW
« Reply #3 on: June 02, 2013, 02:49:06 AM »

Disorder or not, their actions and decisions seem to affect us more than our own.

You say that their actions affect us more than our actions affect them as if they have an advantage.

It's unfair that 'they' teach us how weak 'we' are?

Is being able to learn from our pain a weakness?  

Is it strength to have the same kinds of relationships over and over again, and not being able to learn from these relationships?  Because their "ability" to not be affected by us, affords them this fate: they move from one relationship to another, but are doomed to repeat their own disordered experience.
Logged

crystalclear
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 155


« Reply #4 on: June 02, 2013, 07:43:51 AM »

Schwing,

I feel like i have lost a battle - that wasn't even supposed to be mine. Standing out of thr r/s i do not see any grave issues that i have done. I forgave him for the times when i discovered all the lying and hiding (with other girls) that i confronted him with.

Why is it that i do not feel 'relieved' or 'happy' that this r/s is over, now when i learned he is suffering from BPD?

Many 'rational' people in my place say that i consider myself lucky and that he did me a favor my breaking up. Theyy don't know how much i loved him, and with this breakup - my dreams and belief in love were also shattered.

While he is fulfilling his, by simply and quickly replacing me for with another one.

I used to be the stronger one at times like this - when someone treats bad, i always give it back to them. Mostly by cutting off all my communications with them - which i have been doing for the past 4 months now, and struggling even now to fight this feeling.

I am unable to focus on work, studies or even do something without thoughts of him every day. I want to get out of this emotional rut. It's draining all my positive energies.
Logged
laelle
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1737


« Reply #5 on: June 02, 2013, 08:28:59 AM »

I am so sorry that you are in such pain.  My heart goes out to you.

Accepting that how we felt about our relationship was totally different than how the BPD in our life was feeling it... . its tough stuff to grasp.

We were trying to project the mentality of a normal person on someone who is not mentally stable.  He can not be the things you would like him to be.  I am sure if he could be he would.  He cant be something he is not.  He cant rationalize or compromise.  That takes "grey" thinking, and he doesnt have much ability for that.  He cant understand your sacrifice and love because he lacks any lasting empathy or intimacy.

I love my ex too.  I dont think any of us would be here posting on this forum if we didnt.  The reality is that he isnt what you need or who you thought he was.

He didnt do it on purpose, but he was who you needed him to be to keep you, but he isnt that man.  He cant be.  He is mentally ill.

I know it hurts, it bleeds even.  To stop the bleeding detach a bit from the situation and step back and then look inward again.

Did you love him or the person he said he was?  Did you love your actual life with him or did you love the hopes and dreams?  The fantasy world?

These are questions I still have to ask myself.
Logged
Billa
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 172


« Reply #6 on: June 02, 2013, 08:29:23 AM »

I feel for you, I feel the same as you. It's three months from the break-up now, and I'm not healing at all, struggling between denial, bargaining and depression, one step ahead, and two back.

Logged
Billa
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 172


« Reply #7 on: June 02, 2013, 08:34:50 AM »

I

We were trying to project the mentality of a normal person on someone who is not mentally stable.  He can not be the things you would like him to be.  I am sure if he could be he would.  He cant be something he is not.  He cant rationalize or compromise.  That takes "grey" thinking, and he doesnt have much ability for that.  He cant understand your sacrifice and love because he lacks any lasting empathy or intimacy.

I was just talking about it with a friend of mine, this morning, about how much I wish he could see reality as it is, at least just once, and understand how badly he treated me, how much he hurt me, how he gave me no other possibility as to leave the r/s. But I know it's impossible. and it sucks.
Logged
Billa
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 172


« Reply #8 on: June 02, 2013, 08:38:05 AM »

good point Laelle, I agree.
Logged
laelle
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1737


« Reply #9 on: June 02, 2013, 08:52:55 AM »

While I wish the  Idea would go on, I know it wont.  I am better off letting go and finding some way to make peace with it.  Goodness knows I will never completely understand it.  The best comfort I can find in this is knowing that I am no longer playing a part in his "I hate you, dont leave me" play anymore.

I am lonely, I am alone, but I know who I am.
Logged
crystalclear
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 155


« Reply #10 on: June 02, 2013, 10:25:27 AM »

Billa - I am sorry to hear that you are going through the same pain. I am trying to focus on something that i ignored for an year now - MYSELF. Hope we progress towards finding inner peace and happiness.   to you!

Accepting that how we felt about our relationship was totally different than how the BPD in our life was feeling it... . its tough stuff to grasp.

We were trying to project the mentality of a normal person on someone who is not mentally stable.  He can not be the things you would like him to be.  I am sure if he could be he would.  He cant be something he is not.  He cant rationalize or compromise.  That takes "grey" thinking, and he doesnt have much ability for that.  He cant understand your sacrifice and love because he lacks any lasting empathy or intimacy.

Iaelle - I have been trying to accept that he never were on the same page, emotionally. It hurts like hell to see this person spring into action with someone NEW, when you believed throughout that you were loved and would be together. I guess i am missing the presence of that (spl) someone - i had not been single for 6 years (2 r/s) until January this year when my exbf decided walked away. My first one lasted over 4 years but we mutually agreed to break up. But this one was very intense r/s for me, i always believed we would end up with eachother no matter the adversities. There were a few red flags i was oblivious about - and i eventually thought it was probably because he was not happy with me.

It was LDR so most times he was nice and caring on the phone calls/video chats but when i was with him in person he would be not what he was in entirety. But i gnored that for long because i assumed it could be the awkwardness that could exist in a LDR.

Did you love him or the person he said he was?  Did you love your actual life with him or did you love the hopes and dreams?  The fantasy world?

I know i loved him but the person who loved me and was 'sensitive' and 'caring' towards me (first 6 months) not the angry, abusive, callous and selfish person he turned into in the last 6 months of our r/s (or was he always like that? ). I realised i was not myself most times with him, as i feared that i would trigger his anger or ruin his mood by saying or doing something. He always complained that i dont speak or behave the way i do with my friends... . sometimes he compared how i would 'drink' with my friends to when i was with him. And i said that i was scared of him, and he was very judgemental about me all the time. In the beginning he said would change, but as time wen tby he blamed me that i liked my friends company more.

Everytime i think of him - at times i wish he comes back to me and then i tell myself what he did to me and I wish to move on from the terrible experience with him, both emotionally and physically. I want myself back - the fun and confident me! And want to believe that there is love out there... . but i think i am simply fondering about love... .

Logged
Vegasskydiver
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 79



« Reply #11 on: June 02, 2013, 10:46:00 AM »

Over 4 months now since he broke up with me.

Unable to forget him... . I considered him my husband as we were to be married. The feeling of belonging and comfort that 'the one' should bring to one, is what I feel even now when I think of him.

He has moved on, engaged now. To be married next month.

I miss 'us'... . I miss his smile... . I miss hearing his voice... . his laugh... . :'(

I want to get out of this... . he wronged me... . gave up on us when we could work it out... .

Feel misrable... . hopeless and hurt... .

Why can't I move on already... . when he could in a matter of months?

Why did he love me when he was not the one?

Yes, it hurts... . so much.  I am five + months out of my broken r/s with exBPDbf after three years of horrible roller coaster rides.  I thought that I was doing better but apparently not so much.  I am so sorry for the pain that you are feeling.  It is gut wrenching, I know all too well.  You go from them being your world to ground zero.  It is unthinkable that someone who loved you so deeply and intensely could be capable of inflicting this type of pain and not even aknowledge what they have done.  They want to push you away, wipe the slate clean, pretend you never existed.  My ex has goe on a smear campaign to so many people and I know that I don't deserve it.  I don't even try to defend myself anymore, it just isn't worth it.

You are in the right place.  keep posting here and sharing your feelings.  It really does help.  I keep waiting for the day that I feel indifference, when I can no lob=nger feel anger at my ex and just balme the disorder and not him.   
Logged
laelle
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1737


« Reply #12 on: June 02, 2013, 11:26:25 AM »

It was LDR so most times he was nice and caring on the phone calls/video chats but when i was with him in person he would be not what he was in entirety. But i gnored that for long because i assumed it could be the awkwardness that could exist in a LDR.

Mine was a LDR as well and it was exactly the same way as it was with you.  I thought the same as you, but knowing what I know now.  I dont think it was the LDR aspect of it.

I have heard that BPD's prefer LDR because they dont have to show their inability for intimacy online.  Its not real.

In the entire time I was with my ex physically... . he never once touched me in an intimate way.  Sex yeah sure, touch, caress... . no way.

Something was really wrong with that, and the fact that I accepted it as being enough for me.

I want to be touched and caressed.

Logged
schwing
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: married to a non
Posts: 3597


WWW
« Reply #13 on: June 02, 2013, 12:05:34 PM »

Hi Crystalclear,

I feel like i have lost a battle - that wasn't even supposed to be mine.

You were a casualty of his internal battle.

Standing out of thr r/s i do not see any grave issues that i have done. I forgave him for the times when i discovered all the lying and hiding (with other girls) that i confronted him with.

His worst behavior was in response to his imaginary and delusional offenses; your actual actions had little to do with it.

You forgave him for lying to you.  But he cannot forgive you for what he imagines you were planning to do (i.e., abandon him).

Why is it that i do not feel 'relieved' or 'happy' that this r/s is over, now when i learned he is suffering from BPD?

You might feel relieved later.  I don't know that you'll feel happy, but perhaps you will feel content to accept that your actions were not the reason why he behaved as he did.

First you must recover from your pain and loss.

Many 'rational' people in my place say that i consider myself lucky and that he did me a favor my breaking up. Theyy don't know how much i loved him, and with this breakup - my dreams and belief in love were also shattered.

Maybe they do know how strongly you are attached to him, and it is painful to watch someone you care about endure so much pain and suffering because they cannot let go of the person who inflicts this pain and suffering.  Perhaps he did for you, what you could not.

Your dreams and belief in love were shattered.  Your heart is broken.  But you will recover.  And your dreams and beliefs will evolve.

While he is fulfilling his, by simply and quickly replacing me for with another one. [

If dreams and beliefs of love can be so simply and quickly replaced, one must question the nature of these dreams and beliefs of love.  I've come to believe that instant intimacy and love often means disposable intimacy and love.

I used to be the stronger one at times like this - when someone treats bad, i always give it back to them. Mostly by cutting off all my communications with them - which i have been doing for the past 4 months now, and struggling even now to fight this feeling.

I am unable to focus on work, studies or even do something without thoughts of him every day. I want to get out of this emotional rut. It's draining all my positive energies.

It's not a "rut."  It is a trauma.  You were abandoned.  You suffered a grave loss.  All your energies are drained because it is not trivial to recover from such.  Do take care of yourself.

I have been trying to accept that he never were on the same page, emotionally. It hurts like hell to see this person spring into action with someone NEW, when you believed throughout that you were loved and would be together.

Consider that the way in which you form attachments with other people is very different from how he forms attachment to other people.  That he can easily transfer his attachment from one person to another, in my opinion, suggests that he is disordered.  You were not fooled.   You fell in love with someone who is mentally ill.

It was LDR so most times he was nice and caring on the phone calls/video chats but when i was with him in person he would be not what he was in entirety. But i gnored that for long because i assumed it could be the awkwardness that could exist in a LDR.

LDRs are a refuge for people with BPD, in that the distance in LDRs allow them a limit to their disordered feelings and thoughts.  When you are not around as consistently, they can express their disordered feelings/behaviors when you are not there to witness them.  But when you were with him in person, it was not so convenient to hide these disordered feelings and behaviors from you.

I know i loved him but the person who loved me and was 'sensitive' and 'caring' towards me (first 6 months) not the angry, abusive, callous and selfish person he turned into in the last 6 months of our r/s (or was he always like that? ).

The personality of pwBPD is not fixed.  This is why they call it a "personality" disorder.

I realised i was not myself most times with him, as i feared that i would trigger his anger or ruin his mood by saying or doing something. He always complained that i dont speak or behave the way i do with my friends... . sometimes he compared how i would 'drink' with my friends to when i was with him.

"Projection" is a common dysfunctional coping mechanism of transferring thoughts and behaviors you do not (or cannot) accept of yourself, to other people. 

So first you wrote that he turned from a caring and sensitive person, to an angry, abusive, callous and selfish person, who then complained that you didn't speak or behave towards him in a consistent way.  It sounds to me like he was "projecting" his own disordered behaviors onto you.

And i said that i was scared of him, and he was very judgemental about me all the time. In the beginning he said would change, but as time wen tby he blamed me that i liked my friends company more.

How could you *not* like your friends company more, when you were afraid of him, and he was so judgmental of you?

Everytime i think of him - at times i wish he comes back to me and then i tell myself what he did to me and I wish to move on from the terrible experience with him, both emotionally and physically. I want myself back - the fun and confident me! And want to believe that there is love out there... . but i think i am simply fondering about love... .

You will get yourself back.  But first you must recover from the pain and grief of what you lost.  What you lost was real (to you), just as his abandonment and betrayal of you was real.  But the dreams and belief of love that you thought you found in him was not a reality he could give you.

Best wishes, Schwing
Logged

laelle
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1737


« Reply #14 on: June 02, 2013, 12:18:29 PM »

Thanks schwing,

Keeping this one.
Logged
schwing
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Relationship status: married to a non
Posts: 3597


WWW
« Reply #15 on: June 02, 2013, 12:19:27 PM »

Hi laelle,

Mine was a LDR as well and it was exactly the same way as it was with you.  I thought the same as you, but knowing what I know now.  I dont think it was the LDR aspect of it.

I have heard that BPD's prefer LDR because they dont have to show their inability for intimacy online.  Its not real.

My relationship had a LDR aspect to it as well.  I think when we are in a LDR with pwBPD, it helps them in a few ways.  By not being around quite so often, I think we actually triggered their disordered feelings and thoughts less often.  So they are not so overwhelmed by their fear of abandonment.  Also, we are not around to witness the ways in which they cope with these disordered feelings.

I remember when I would spend weekends with my BPDgf, there were a scatterings of behaviors that I found weird.  Such as one time, she had to "deal" with a persistent "crank caller."  And one time I called her (before I arrived) and she blew a whistle into the phone and told me not to call her again.  I asked her "what's up with this?"  "A crank caller."  I wonder one of the men she probably cheated on me with, got too attached to her and pursued her harder than she expected.  When I was in town, she didn't need him and so he became a "crank caller" instead of a lover.

There were other men who were friends of her roommate who I thought they seem to have crushes on her.  She would dismiss them when I was around, but who knows when I wasn't.

I'd like to think that I wouldn't have stayed with her as long as I did, if so much of our relationship wasn't long distant.

In the entire time I was with my ex physically... . he never once touched me in an intimate way.  Sex yeah sure, touch, caress... . no way.

Something was really wrong with that, and the fact that I accepted it as being enough for me.

I want to be touched and caressed.

My understanding is that feelings of intimacy and familiarity seem to trigger their disordered feelings.  And some men seem to disconnect the physical drive associated with sex, from the emotional/intimate aspect.  I wonder if your ex behaved as he did in an effort to limit the degree in which he experienced his disordered feelings and thoughts, by minimizing the intimacy and familiarity he felt towards you.

With my ex, there was clearly a pattern that soon after each time we felt particularly close to each other and enmeshed with each other, she would then flip her perspective and question whether or not we should be together.  This confused me to no end.  I never understood why she kept alternating hot and cold with me.  I kept thinking she wanted me to express my commitment even more, and she did react positively to that.  But when the flip came (again) it was a kind of torture.
Logged

laelle
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1737


« Reply #16 on: June 02, 2013, 01:22:11 PM »

Thank you schwing for all of your responses.  Its helping to answer those annoying little tidbits I never truly "got"

I agree with you that my ex prefered LDR.  He use to tell me that he doesnt like them and that it had to stop soon, but he would constantly change his plans so that our LDR would never get the chance to settle into permanency.  His words and actions did not match. 

Whenever my ex and I were on hiatus he always had his "mentally ill" posse of lady friends who he had emotional relationships with until I came back.  oops  I just realized that I am one of those ladies. LOLOLOLOLOLOL  Smiling (click to insert in post)   Oh well... . sorry I'm dying laughing right now.  Idea moment for me.

It sounds like you were seeing alot of words not matching up with actions as well?  A whistle?  Thats original.  I can imagine how bewildered you must have been having your then gf blow a whistle in your ear.  Your ears are ok now tho right? 

I think my ex had trouble all around when it came to any form of intimacy.  I wont go into more detail because im sure it was something that he could not help.  I wonder at my own ability to ignore that big of a  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post).  The second trip I made out there to him I got pissy at him for saying something that hurt my feelings.  He proceeded to get one inch from my face and scream at me.  Hello?  Red flag/bad  (click to insert in post)  

Nothing he told me really ever added up to the truth.  I have no ability to really know what was real or not real.  Thankfully its not my job to have to know anymore.
Logged
crystalclear
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 155


« Reply #17 on: June 03, 2013, 05:26:20 AM »

My ex has goe on a smear campaign to so many people and I know that I don't deserve it.  I don't even try to defend myself anymore, it just isn't worth it.

You are in the right place.  keep posting here and sharing your feelings.  It really does help.  I keep waiting for the day that I feel indifference, when I can no lob=nger feel anger at my ex and just balme the disorder and not him.   

Vegasskydiver,

I am sorry to know you are going through the pain too.   to you!

I have not heard anything about his behavior from his friends after the breakup, but i am certain he painted my black to defend himself and protect the reality from the new woman in his life (wife). All his best friends liked me and i did liked them too - i reached out to a few when he left be out of the blue for some help and they were supportive. I am sure he hasn't told anything about this r/s, or must have said that i was a b#tch (that's how he refers to his exgfs except for one girl) and now that his wife will be meeting them, he would want his friends to not talk about it or brain washed them to talk ill about me.

I would work on my trauma, pain and shortcomings to heal from this completely. It has been THE worst experience of my life so far. (touch wood) Like you said - I am wanting to get to the point of feeling NOTHING for this man and the past with him anymore. Good luck and best wishes to you for that!
Logged
crystalclear
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 155


« Reply #18 on: June 03, 2013, 05:32:43 AM »

schwing,

Your posts and replies are so to the point and yet detailed, that are so insightful and helps to get a greater hang of the situation. Thanks a ton!


It was LDR so most times he was nice and caring on the phone calls/video chats but when i was with him in person he would be not what he was in entirety. But i gnored that for long because i assumed it could be the awkwardness that could exist in a LDR.

Mine was a LDR as well and it was exactly the same way as it was with you.  I thought the same as you, but knowing what I know now.  I dont think it was the LDR aspect of it.

I have heard that BPD's prefer LDR because they dont have to show their inability for intimacy online.  Its not real.

In the entire time I was with my ex physically... . he never once touched me in an intimate way.  Sex yeah sure, touch, caress... . no way.

Something was really wrong with that, and the fact that I accepted it as being enough for me.

I want to be touched and caressed.

laelle,

I had the exact same experience!

I thought it had something to do with his age (32/33 yrs) that he was sexually less active. And his display of affection and romance was nill. I had adjusted to being satisfied to what ever that suited his mood and interest.
Logged
laelle
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1737


« Reply #19 on: June 03, 2013, 05:36:31 AM »

Crystal clear,

Sounds like the same guy. 
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2021?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2020 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
40days_in_desert
Ahquei3s
alphabeta
Amethyste
Angie59
ArtistGuy70
AskingWhy
assumezero
At Bay
Avanzando
Baglady
Beneck
bigredneck
Bittlecat
Boll Weevil
calmboom
Cat Familiar
Chosen
Dnmtnbkr
drained1996
Eggshellsbroken
FaintTheGoat
FaithHopeLove
FindingMe2011
Forgiveness
freespirit
GaGrl
ggGreg
Gift to Myself
gotbushels
Harri
hopeandchoices
I Am Redeemed
Imatter33
Jazzy48
jdc
jones54
Jonthan
Katrinalove
Kwamina
l8kgrl
LLgreen
Longterm
lorymac
lovenature
loyalwife
lucidone
Manifest32f
MariannaR
Meridius
Methuen
mgirl
Minttea
Mommydoc
Mutt
narcdaughter2
needPeace
NorseWoman
Notgoneyet
oceanheart
oftentimes
Omega1
once removed
Only Human
otherlife
palynne
PeacefulMom
Pedro
pest947
podsnapG
ProudDad12
pursuingJoy
Radcliff
Raul
Recycle
Resiliant
Rev
Rosheger
Sad4Her
SamwizeGamgee
Sandalwood
SBBayArea
SCM
SerendipityChild
SES
Silverhope
Skip
songbirdtwo
StillStuck
Swimmy55
Teno
townhouse
truthbeknown
turtleengine501
Ventak
vinnie77
Violet00
wavewatcher
wendydarling
WhatJustHappened?
Whichwayisup
whirlpoollife
Wicker Man
WindofChange
worn_out
WTL
zachira
zaqsert

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!