Is this common with pwBPD?

[me757]

Is it common for pwBPD to be completely delusional? My ex randomly called me and we talked but not about our relationship. It was just friendly. I'm detaching a lot better now but don't want to be on bad terms with her. Anyways, she mentioned that she was on her way to meet up with an exbf at a bar who just broke up with his gf and was devastated. I asked if her current fiancee minded and she said no. Then she said that she didn't pull her past crap anymore and that there was mutual understanding between them.

The problem is that her and I made the mistake of hanging out about 3 weeks ago (hopefully the last time) and we ended up making out. I'm not proud of this and have not seen her since and have instilled the least amount of contact ever with her because of this. I called her out on her saying she didn't pull that crap anymore, saying "you are aware that we made out 3 weeks ago, right?" She thought I was lying and didn't recall it at all. I was like, "Why would I lie about that?" She then said she didn't want to fight about it because she didn't believe me. I left it at that too because I don't want the drama... . but jeez I actually think she doesn't remember/believe it. I'm betting her fiancee isn't even aware of this get together tonight with her other ex too. Her reality seems completely fabricated.

Is this common? If so, is it usually this extreme?

[Octoberfest]

I know that i definitely experienced "promises" or claims of change from my ex that never lasted.

Said she was quitting drinking

Hasn't happened

Said she was quitting her job at the bar, it was a bad environment for her

Still works there

Said she learned her lesson about dating two people at once

Did it again.


These people will literally say ANYTHING and promise the world to keep a partner around and prevent themselves from being "abandoned".  It works, until they do it so many times they get called on their bullhit

[IamDevastated]

It was very common with my exBPD.

Just one example: 2 years ago I was the one who told her she was BPD.

I knew that this information plus therapy would be her only hope for a future life.

Today she is diagnosed by a psychiatrist and has been in therapy for 8 months.

But you know what? She won´t acknowledge my contribution or even give me the slightest credit for it. She has said many times: Do you remember back when I told you I was borderline? It was so crazy .

[schwing]

I wouldn't describe it as "delusional" but it is disconnected from reality in a specific kind of way: dissociative, I think is more apt.  It's not that she believed something happened 3 weeks ago that was completely devoid of reality.  But rather, what happened 3 weeks ago got completely dissociated from her memory.

I would bet money that the way she's dissociated the recent events is to project it on to someone in her life right now.  Maybe it's her exbf, maybe it's her fiance, maybe it's you; maybe she just switches you guys around so that whomever she's decided to devalue, is the one she's projecting all her unacceptable behavior onto.

Whatever the exact mental gymnastics are going on in her head, she's mainly dissociated her unacceptable behavior from *herself*.  After all, she doesn't "pull [that kind of] crap anymore".

Here's a bit advice, whenever she describes what anyone thinks, or says, or what "understanding" she has with some other person (or you for that matter), don't accept it as truth.  It may not be that she's lying, but there is a significant part of her narrative is distorted, especially when it pertains to anyone closer to her, or who was at least once close to her.

[MarcinN7]

It was very common with my exBPD.

Just one example: 2 years ago I was the one who told her she was BPD.

I knew that this information plus therapy would be her only hope for a future life.

Today she is diagnosed by a psychiatrist and has been in therapy for 8 months.

But you know what? She won´t acknowledge my contribution or even give me the slightest credit for it. She has said many times: Do you remember back when I told you I was borderline? It was so crazy .

Thanks for this... .

This makes me more sure that i was not crazy when my exGF of 8yrs said things that were 100% the opposite of what i remembered.

I was loving and trusting so when she told me something that made me think was the other way and she argued she was right i belived her.

In the last stages i didnt belive myself anymore and thought i was getting old and demented and could not trust my memory (im 27btw).

ehh... .

She also claimed to said things to me i said to her or my sister told me in response to her.

ONE WORD - CRAZY

[me757]

She would project a lot when I dated her. She often thought I was flirting when I wasn't. She would get very jealous of other girls, most that were just fb friends. I called her out once and said she was just projecting about me and other girls and she responded back with, "Thats really a mean thing to say." I was right.

I think she wants the kind of guy who will buy into her distorted reality. Basically someone who will let her get away with her crap and then will also allow her to continue to manipulate herself into thinking everything is ok. I couldn't ever do that and we ended. Towards the end of the relationship I really started to think it was like dementia. Sometimes I don't think she really even exists.

The problem with her cycle is that she finds guys who allow her to play in her messed up fantasy world... . but eventually once they are completely walked all over she is bored of them and moves to the next guy to idolize. I'm not sure what will happen when she gets married and has to also move 3000 miles away from her hometown... . but I don't think it will be good.

[marbleloser]

It's very common.":)eny to the end",as the exBPDgf used to say.Lots of gaslighting,distortion, and dissociation as schwing says.This is the kind of behavior that will affect YOUR mental state.You get enough "truth" that you don't know what's real or not.Her fiance is in for a wild ride unfortunately.

I know alot of what the exBPDgf did to her exH was downright mean and intentional.She wanted to drive the poor fella crazy.

[Octoberfest]

She would project a lot when I dated her. She often thought I was flirting when I wasn't. She would get very jealous of other girls, most that were just fb friends. I called her out once and said she was just projecting about me and other girls and she responded back with, "Thats really a mean thing to say." I was right.

I think she wants the kind of guy who will buy into her distorted reality. Basically someone who will let her get away with her crap and then will also allow her to continue to manipulate herself into thinking everything is ok. I couldn't ever do that and we ended. Towards the end of the relationship I really started to think it was like dementia. Sometimes I don't think she really even exists.

The problem with her cycle is that she finds guys who allow her to play in her messed up fantasy world... . but eventually once they are completely walked all over she is bored of them and moves to the next guy to idolize. I'm not sure what will happen when she gets married and has to also move 3000 miles away from her hometown... . but I don't think it will be good.

So true. So so so true.

Thanks for posting

[feelingcrazy7832]

I was just talking to a friend of mine about this same thing with my ex tonight. He made up crazy stories about everything. He distorted truths, flat out lied, made up situations that never happened and constantly accused me of things that never happened. It's pure madness.

[me757]

I forgot to mention that she told me that the exbf she was meeting up with got in his next relationship (the one that just ended) to get over her and she was aware of this. I told her that that probably wasn't a good idea to go drinking with an ex like that if she was engaged. She said she was going to be a good exgf and did so anyway. Of course if she cheats she will blame her fiancee for not caring enough or say that the exbf took advantage of her. She used both those excuses when other guys started getting into the picture with us. So glad to be out of that relationship.