Dealing with the uninvited guest.

[PullToEject]

My ex has been coming to my house in the middle of the night x5.  I have a back door that didn't lock and twice she came inside and tried to climb in bed with me.  OMG did that freak me out.  Even though she just wanted me to hold her.  I do not fear her hurting me but it was creepy as hell.  Both times I responded with verbal anger and marched her out the door.

Finally I changed the lock and the last 2 times she just blew up my phone while crying outside the door calling for me to hold her.  I told her in anger she needed to leave before I called the police and she got in trouble.  She left.  She wants cuddles like someone starving for oxygen.  It's heartbreaking.

QUESTION:  I do not want to get the police involved, from the staNPDoint that I believe the police do a terrible job with handling people with mental health issues.  BUT WHAT IS THE APPROPRIATE WAY OF HANDLING THE SITUATION?  To me, a Restraining Order will just mean she will get herself in more trouble as she cannot contain her impulsiveness. 

I had resorted to the "I'll talk to you on the phone as late as you want but you can NEVER EVER come over uninvited" - this turned out to be a terrible idea and did not work. 

[MammaMia]

Pulltoeject

Did you tell her not to come over uninvited before she actually did it?  Often pwBPD do exactly what they are asked or told NOT to do.  Legally, she is trespassing.  Tell her that and that if she continues, you will have to report it to law enforcement. 

It may deter her or it may not.  You have a right to privacy.  Sounds like she is trying to wiggle her way back into your life.  If you do not want this you will need to tell her so.

Good luck.

[Validation78]

Hi Pull!

You have a tough situation for sure. You are compassionate, she knows it, and knows how to get you to react.

You are giving her intermittent rewards. pwBPD are boundary busters, and when you give them an inch, they'll take a foot and so on and so on. I know that talking to her on the phone doesn't seem like much, however, it is giving her hope that you will give into her. She needs to learn how to self soothe, and by being there for her, she is still depending on you, and will likely continue to push until you give in. It seems cruel, however, if you don't give her the opportunity, she will eventually move on.

Are you sure you want this relationship to be over, or is there a part of you that wants it to continue?

Best Wishes,

Val78