What do I tell my son

[emotionaholic]

Its been a week and a half since I had any contact with BPDgf.  My son10 keeps asking about having a play date with her son10.  They have been best friends for 5 years now.  My son is very observant and knows when I am feeling down that it is due to problems in my relationship.  I hate that these two kids have had to also go through the ups and downs.  I don't like there friendship to suffer because of all this.  I know that right now she REALLY does not want any contact with me.  I just keep telling my son that today is not a good day for a play date.  He did ask again yesterday and then added "you guys aren't talking again are you."  I really don't like the NC bit and feel it is a very immature way of dealing with things, actually it is blatantly not dealing with things.  But like I have been told here and from hers and mine T she will contact you when she is ready.  Any advice as to dealing with the children issue?

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[allibaba]

Hey there,

That is tough.  Have you tried talking to him honestly (without too much detail) and saying something like "yes, we aren't speaking to each other at the moment but its got nothing to do with you.  Let's plan something else fun to do." and then finding something else fun to do (either with just the two of you or with one of his other friends?).

[emotionaholic]

That is just what I told him word for word.  It is hard to see the confusion in his eyes though.  He wants to hang out with his friend and I during these times I arrange play dates through my GF's ex husband, but their arrangement does not leave much opportunity.

[allibaba]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. 

I have a uBPD mom and I remember that she got in the middle of lots of friendships.  It was very painful for me.  My dad was my rock and even though he couldn't fix it... . I kept my sanity because he was calm and consistent and he always reminded me that my mother's behavior didn't have anything to do with me.

Its too bad that you have to rely on her to make arrangements.