Borderlines & Pets?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So my borderline had 2 dogs, 1 clearly painted black and one painted white.  She also had a cat that was painted black and 3 birds... . my T said the chaos of this many pets gives her the unconditional love she really needs... .

Anyone else have similar experiences? 

[Blade99d]

So my borderline had 2 dogs, 1 clearly painted black and one painted white.  She also had a cat that was painted black and 3 birds... . my T said the chaos of this many pets gives her the unconditional love she really needs... .

Anyone else have similar experiences? 

[xandrew245x]

My ex started with  a cat, then she got another dog, then a guinea pig, 2 more cats, 2 more guinea pigs, 2 ferrets then another dog. I never wanted all these pets, but they seemed to really make her happy.

[Bananas]

Well I have a lot of pets and they make me very happy!  And they get me out of the house which really helps with depression. 

My ex had a dog that he seemed to love more than anything.  After it died and he got a new dog, he wanted nothing that reminded him of the old dog, which I did think was strange. 

[Cooper10]

My ex has a dog that he loves more than anything in the world.  I often reflected on that and thought it was because the dog was the only thing that loved him unconditionally no matter how much he neglected or mistreated the dog.   That's not to say he abused the dog, but it just took a back seat when his own selfish desires overrode the dog's needs.   Sometimes I think the type of relationship he has with is dog is what he's looking for in a significant other but has just never found (obviously).

[Clearmind]

Yes I agree - its unconditional love. My Borderline aunt has 39 cats and 4 dogs and they all provide her with unconditional love. She finds it comforting.

[VeryFree]

Yep. Animals are the only beings that can unconditionally love you.

[xandrew245x]

My ex loved her first guinea pig more than any of the other pets. She neglected them most of the time and I would have to take care of them. She would hold her almost everyday, snuggle with her and feed her human food. I know it was stupid of me, but I often felt a feeling of jealousy because I just wanted her to treat me like she did her guinea pig, she loved that animal so much.

[charred]

What 3 yr old (emotionally) doesn't like pets?

[LosingIt2]

My exBPD abandoned me and our dog. She wanted to get rid of him, and now I have him. Getting the dog was her idea. I was infuriated at the time because she was being so irresponsible and nuts (now I know why... . ). She just stopped taking care of him, but cried whenever he came up after the break-up. Also, within the first year of us dating,her cat, who she didn't take very good care of, ran away. This definitely triggered major dysregulation at the time for her.

Obviously, it depends on the individual. She talked about having kids all the time. I think it's about the unconditional love, but I'm pretty sure the same thing will happen to them as her pets. She's a mess.

[tailspin]

 

I have a funny story about pets.  My ex always thought my 2 basset hounds didn't remember him when they saw him again and he didn't like them because of it. 

They would greet him the same way they greet me every day when I come home from work... . with loud hound barks and excited noises.  I told him this, but he refused to believe me, and painted them both black as a result.  It was hysterical because he wouldn't even look at them, which made them bark and whine even more.

I'm sure they are as relieved as I am that he's out of the picture.

tailspin

[xandrew245x]

Our boston terrier didn't like her to much. When we would get into arguments he would often hide under me cowering from her. We had to start keeping him in a crate while we were gone because he would chew things up. Ever since she moved out, I haven't had him in a crate once and he hasn't touched anything. You can tell he feels  a lot less stressed.

Losingit2, My ex talked about having kids a lot too, however I knew something was wrong and I put my foot down on that. I mean she wasn't even 21 yet and she was hounding me to get her pregnant. Crazy!

[simplyasiam]

my ex loved are dogs alot she kept them close to her all the time when she frist left she would call and ask if she could have them when she got a place of her own, would call and ask if i would leave them outside when i went to work so she could come visit them.

she cant have pets where she lives now i wonder how she will do with not having pets when and if the depression comes back.

[Reg]

Hmm, my ex had two and even three cats, a dog, some guinea pigs, some chickens (it was a drama when they both died in just a few weeks).

She always was talking about the unconditional love of her dog (she did get from me for Valentine's Day, after she missed the dog of her husband so much).  Even her FB wall was full of this unconditional love and dogs pics etc.

So we had a Bordeaux Dog, which she couldn't handle at all, she said in moments that he was characterally disturbed, and on other moments the best dog in the world she couldn't live without.  I guess the black and white thinking was also projected on to her dog !

BTW anyone ever experienced something similar ?

Anyway, it may be that I triggered that way of thinking about her dog myself.  He hardly listened to her, was agressive, did destroy things by chewing on them, I see similar things with what xandrew said, etc.

When the dog was with me I never had any real problems with him.  He did listen, did behave rather good to very good, well as Cesar Millan would say it seems I was the leader of the pack LOL - just kidding.

I think this didn' fit into her ideas... .   The dog remained with her.  Come to realise I miss her more now than my ex... . Oops ! 

Reg

[motherof1yearold]

My ex had a cat that was his prized possession (painted white)

after several years of owning the cat (indoor cat- Himalayan breed , qualifies as show cat) , he let it out on the side of the road , 30 miles away. Guess the cat got split black!

[Reg]

OMG, how sick is that !

[Phoenix.Rising]

My ex had a dog and she vacillated over and over about how she was going to get rid of the dog and then change her mind and keep the dog.  I heard this over and over.  I saw her what I would call being somewhat mean to the dog one night when she was drunk.  That made an impression on me I don't think I will forget.  I remember thinking that she was painting the dog black at times, and then she would be in good graces with it later.  Much like she was with me.  Very sad.

[xandrew245x]

The guinea pigs are hers, and she still hasn't taken them yet, everytime I told her to, she threatened that she would just take them out to the field and let them go. Tuesday when she came here and freaked out on me, I told her she needed to get them out, she took them out and put them in the field, I was appalled! I made her go out and get them back.

[nevaeh]

We have two cats (a bro and sis) ... . husband is BPD and I am trying to detach and leave after 18 years.  H loves the cats (one in particular more than the other).  He cradles the cat like it's his baby and talks to it all the time, in a very loving way.

My kids often remark that he treats the cat better than he treats anyone else.  The cat can't talk back, doesn't make messes, and loves H regardless of what temper tantrum he is having on any given day.  I'm happy that H has something that he "loves" that much, but it is a bit disheartening that he can't love his family that much!

I suspect that H's sister also suffers from BPD.  Ironically, she got a dog for her teenage daughter and his sister treats the dog better than she treats her own daughter. Her daughter has some serious emotional issues (probably from mom likely suffering from BPD).

I am struggling with what to do about the cats if/when we separate. Kids would be crushed if their cats didn't live with them, but I almost can't bear the thought of how upset H would be if he lost his cat.  Ugh!  I don't know what to do about that yet.

[nolisan]

My exBPD had a dog and two cats. The dog was a neurotic Australian Herding Dog - an alpha bhit. It was really aggressive with men and would often bite them unprovoked. GF warned me when I first met the dog. DOg loved me - second meeting it had two slippers in it's mouth! (Save me from this woman )

She said the dog was a "service dog" for her PTSD and loved it most of the time. She left her husband over it - the hubi said it is either him or the dog - she said "that's an easy decision" and left suddenly!

But she was SO controlling with the dog - one mistake and she would "kennel" the dog. Same behavior she did with me. One mistake = time out and withdrawl. It felt like she was training me.

Once we were walking the dog by a swift river and the dog was swimming in the shallows. I was worried it would get swept away. She said "No problem - it's just a dog". That sent a chill down my spine. She loved it SO much but had no concern if it was just swept away. Yikes!

Her two cats: She loved the female and disliked the (black) male who was really friendly. She hated it when he sought affection. Again I felt a similarity with how she treated me. When I wanted to snuggle she would push me away.

When she finally ran away she abandoned the black cat. No big surprise.

Just writing this out gives me a chill ... . Glad she's gone ... . a very spooky woman. She didn't or couldn't love love in a normal way.

[rellis]

I dont know. My ex just HAD to have the same breed of dog as he had in his previous relationships. I had 2 big dogs when we met-one of which I had saved up for year to buy. In short order, my dogs went, and we got the kind of dog he wanted. My dogs were referred to as "drooling cattle"

He used to bite the new dog on the scruff of the neck until it squealed-then when I begged him not to told me the "he (the dog) liked it!"

Interestingly enough, the dog developed diabetes and when we started having to give the dog shots twice a day in his neck, I said not to bite him anymore because of the injections. He quit doing it. Now, the world revolves around the diabetic dog. 

I think its because it makes him look like a hero-poor blind, diabetic dog. See how well I take care of him-I dont think it is because of love or empathy or anything like that.

Its a magnet to the potential new girlfriends to show how loving kind and compassionate he is.

Scares the hell out of me

[Emelie Emelie]

Three dogs.  Life revolved around them.

[WonderingWhat]

This is interesting. My exBPD went through pets kind of like how she recycled me.  When I met her, she had a beautiful black Lab that she loved.  She gave the lab away on a whim one day, thinking the dog would be better off on a farm.

About four months later, she adopted a Yellow Lab. Gave him away a year later.

She also had another small dog; she gave that away to a family member.

After each "giveaway," she would often talk about how much she missed one or the other of them, some tears would come into her eyes, and then almost as quickly, the tears disappeared (that is actually how she cried... . it was almost fake, for about 1 minute... . even when someone that was supposedly very close to her, she cried for about one minute, and then that was it... . sum total of her grieving. Never even talked about the person again).

After the dogs, she on whim at a pet store, she got a hamster.  Had the hamster for about three months, gave him away and then went out and got a ferret.

She gave the ferret away about six months later.

This is a person that would constantly talk about how much she loved animals.

[cal644]

My exw theropist told her that she would have a closer relationship with a dog then she ever would a person.  The last dog we purchased was a very abused dog, scared of people, noone would adopt it after a year.  I find it interesting that is the dog she wanted. I also saw how even though you fed, took care of, and pet the dog, it was scared to death on the inside - but every now and then it would come to you - you would pet it and it wouldn't let you stop.  I think that's kinda like BPD - when they wanted to be pet - they need it constantly and don't want you to stop - but at other times they run like hell.

[TheDude]

Her and I are both animal lovers. One of our dogs, who has since passed on, was a Golden Retriever. Now, anyone who knows their breeds will know that Goldens tend to be 'runners', and ours was no exception. A couple of times a year, she would slip out and go for a typical Golden Retriever jaunt around the neighborhood. It happens. My ex, who would freely acknowledge that this was a sweet, goofy dog would also launch into rants about how important "loyalty" is to her, and summarily devalue the dog on this basis (even years after the dog had been put down).

Loyalty?

No irony there... .  

[twester65]

My ex has a cat who literally saved his life. "If it weren't for Cat, I would be dead now", he said after I refused to let him install a figurative revolving door in our relationship. At the time (six months ago), I just thought it a pathetic attempt to manipulate. A friend called it Gay Drama. Now I recognize what his deal REALLY is and I just feel sad for him. The Cat has nothing really to contribute - can't converse, can't cook, can't earn money, is a super-bad kisser, etc. But the cat saved his life.

[Phoenix.Rising]

The Dude, My ex's dog was a Golden Retriever and I experienced witnessing the dog 'running' on multiple occasions and then my ex devaluing the dog repeatedly.  Very strange similarity there... .

[nolisan]

Oh and my 3 cats ... . none of them ever seemed to like her. And her dog hated my cats an would attack them viciously - especially my male cat.

Back at her home the dog would mount her black male cat and hump it.

So at the end of the day ... . even with our animals we were incompatible and dysfunctional. My cat surely don't miss her dog.

[BlushAndBashful]

My ex loved his cats more than any human. Well, maybe not his kids. That's a tough call. But his cats were his constant companions, therapists, best friends.  They kept him stable. In his case, I see this as a good thing- he was never cruel to animals and was very kind and compassionate. He took very good care of them. My ex was very much an introvert and liked to stay at home and watch Netflix alone with his pets.  He never painted them black, mistreated them, or abandoned him.

I do have to laugh, though. One of his cats mirrored my ex's passive agressive traits. She was super sweet and cuddled with me and I was one of her favorite people. But if I spent the night with "her" human and we locked her out of the bedroom, she would get jealous, go find my shoes by the front door and pee on them.

[nolisan]

After our split I "googled" her and found her on a site for people with ADD/ADHD. She had this cute little dog in her arms in a loving embrace.

When I was with her there was no sign of this dog. She said she hated little dogs and refereed to them as "punting dogs".

Wonder if she punted that one?

[mcc503764]

The x had a dog that she had for 13 years.  She constantly touted that it was her "longest standing male relationship... . " 

The dog was allowed to do anything which was annoying to say the least... . the dog would panic during storms, and disrupt the entire house... .

They say the animal is just like their owner right?  She put more value on that thing than human life... . it's obviously about unconditional love, no expectations, or human relationship skills required.

We split, and the dog died earlier this year.  She went out and got a new puppy to replace him... . kinda like my relationship with her? 

MCC