Boundaries and Excessive Swearing

[Angelnme]

My BPDbf swears excessively. All day, every day. When he's not dysregulated, I've brought the frequency to his attention and he claims to not realize how often he does it. Even if he simply drops his pen, it's "god-dammit mother-f***er! F**!" It sounds like he has Tourettes (he doesn't - just a short fuse and zero tolerance for anything not going perfectly his way).

I don't swear often. If I do, it's serious! But I don't tell him (or anyone) to "f off" (although in the past he has had NO problem saying that to me while in a rage). I'm not prude but I don't prefer to hear it so much, so often. And he doesn't do it around friends or strangers... . just me! So I know he CAN control it, he just chooses not to around me, the one person who hates it the most.

I've let him know several times that I don't like it and out of respect for me to please try to refrain as much as possible. It's no use. It seems if I choose to stay with him, I choose to tolerate excessive swearing.

Is this the case? I know I can't "change" him. But does anyone else out there deal with this, and how?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Chosen]

My uBPDh swears when he's dysregulated.  When he's not, he doesn't swear much (sometimes he does it for fun).  I don't appreciate swearing, and when he's in a regular mood or just doing that "for fun", I will tell him "please don't swear".

He used to swear a lot when he's dysregulated, mainly using those words to attack me (calling me names).  I used to be really upset, begging him not to swear at me.  It didn't work.  But I have stopped responding to those attacks, and now he uses those words a lot less.  

[briefcase]

I make a distinction between general swearing in a conversation and swearing that is directed at me.  I am much more tolerant of someone swearing because they dropped a pencil and feel frustrated, than someone swearing because I dropped a pencil.  It doesn't matter where you draw the line on swearing, this is about your boundaries.  And, yes, this is a common issue here.  

I pretty much end conversations when my wife starts swearing at me.  She used to swear at me all the time, call me names, etc.  Basically, verbal abuse.  It was one of my very first boundaries - I will not continue in discussions with someone who is cursing at me or calling me names.  Every single time it happens, I end the conversation and walk away.  I almost never have to enforce the boundary anymore and the verbal abuse has pretty much ended.  

Give it a try!

[charred]

My exBPDgf always acted like she was virginal, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, etc... . but when even a little pissed she would make a sailor blush.  It all seemed to be aimed at getting the biggest reaction out of people she could get... . I often thought she didn't care about understanding things, just playing a part... . was big on buzzwords, but seldom bothered to dig in to anything... . very sensitive to reactions and emotions of everyone around her though. Would be an enigma to me, but for the BPD.