How do you deal with projection in front of the kids?

[Evalon]

My husband is the Jekyll and Hyde type and our boys adore him. Yesterday, he went off on me in the car with our three kids (6, 4, and 1.5) in the back, yelling at me about how I was "behaving," that I was the one "yelling," that I was "lying," "way off base," and so on.  It makes me so sad that he is now doing this in front of the kids, and that they are old enough to understand.  They look up to him and they believe what he says.  All of the things he accused me of were behaviors that he was actually doing, yet he was telling everyone in the car that I was the one behaving badly.  Later in the evening when they were in bed, he was yelling in the hallway outside their rooms about my bad behavior (not letting me get a word in) and then minutes later sent me a text about how damaging it was to the kids that I yelled outside their rooms.  It's insane, but it's also hurtful to me and the kids.  How do I respond to this when it is going on?   What kind of damage control can I do with the kids?

Thank you.

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[waverider]

Dont underestimate the kids ability to see who is doing all the yelling.

They are too young to get the meaning of his accusations, but they know tone very well. Keep calm and stable, and that is what they will know you as.

First thing to do is disengage once that sort of behavior happens, stop trying to communicate as it becomes pointless.

If he is not letting you get a word in, stop trying, he's not listening anyway.

[Wanda]

waverider is right...

don't try to communicate to him while he is yelling you are in a car and could make it worse.

now what i did after this and i got through this is i set boundaries, if he does this again for one week i will take my own car will not ride with him

i set a limit that i could stick to one week a day what ever so he knows you mean  business. I did this if the kids were in the car and i did this when he acted up when they weren't in the car,

my husband use to road rage horrible... . I had to set boundaries, it took some time because things got worse, before better then slowly he stopped road rageing, and yelling.

I set a boundary you rage in a car at me, i won't ride with you for one week if i drive and you rage you will be asked to leave the car. I only  had to do this once due to he spent all day walking and finally when he cooled down called me... to pick him up. Things always get worse before better due to you changing things, and hopefully once he understands u mean buisness he will follow nothing changes with out change...