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Author Topic: He doesn't get why we are no longer together  (Read 654 times)
Onmyown

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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: seperated one month
Posts: 38



« on: August 10, 2013, 01:12:03 PM »

First he shows up unannounced to bring me presents.

Now it's just let's go have dinner as firends.  We've only been apart for a month now.

This causes me so many emotions... .

Hurt because I can see he's being the lucid man I fell in love with.

Anger because I know that "just friends" to him means "we can try, we almost had it this last time."  He doesn't get the fact about why we are no longer together, as if what he did "out of the blue" never happened.

Lonely because I can remember all these wonderful happy times that he ripped away.

So his asking to go have dinner again puts me in the spot of having to saying no again, which makes me more angry.  

He has told me he's never going to give up on us, (this is the only thing he has followed through on.)

Does this happen to anyone else, what do you do?
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Emelie Emelie
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 665


« Reply #1 on: August 10, 2013, 02:50:02 PM »

Embarrassed to say I wish that happened to me.  I think it helps when you're in control of the situation.  Hope on some level it makes it easier for you to stay away.
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SweetCharlotte
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Recently estranged. Married 8.5 years, together 9 years. Long-distance or commuter relationship.
Posts: 493



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« Reply #2 on: August 10, 2013, 03:25:27 PM »

Have you thought of joining a support group for women who are survivors of abusive relationships? Every area has some of these; you could phone a domestic abuse shelter to get a list.

My friend whose ex-husband mistreated her joined one and it was of great assistance to her.

After a couple of years of attending the support group, she started to attend groups that were focused on healthy activities, like dining-out clubs and book clubs.

In the first stages of getting over the pwBPD, however, I don't think that the "healthy activity" groups speak directly enough to what you are going through.
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Onmyown

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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: seperated one month
Posts: 38



« Reply #3 on: August 10, 2013, 08:54:55 PM »

Have you thought of joining a support group for women who are survivors of abusive relationships? Every area has some of these; you could phone a domestic abuse shelter to get a list.

My friend whose ex-husband mistreated her joined one and it was of great assistance to her.

After a couple of years of attending the support group, she started to attend groups that were focused on healthy activities, like dining-out clubs and book clubs.

In the first stages of getting over the pwBPD, however, I don't think that the "healthy activity" groups speak directly enough to what you are going through.

Sweet Charlotte

The only group I have joined is this one and thus far have found it to be helpful.  I have joined a walking/running group and that's really nice to have something healthy to look forward too.

I'm hoping to keep getting more information from others on how they handle/handled things.

It's really nice to be able to communicate with others who are in a similar situation... .

Thanks for you response.
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momtara
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2636


« Reply #4 on: August 10, 2013, 09:24:59 PM »

Yes.  It's hard to detatch.  Heck, that's why this group exists!

You could always send him a carefully worded email saying you care about him but x and y behavior just can't be tolerated anymore.  If you go to the website verbalabuse.com, it suggests you make it clear why you are leaving, in such a way that they understand their role in it, so they won't want to get revenge on you. 

Just don't list a bunch of things he should change, because you may still not want him back if he makes the supposed changes.
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