dd16 coping with dad's diagnoses

[lbjnltx]

Sorry that I have been so absent of late here on the Supporting Board.  We got the very sad news that my husband has stage 4 cancer.  He has not yet decided if he will take treatment or just live it out.  Dd16 has moments of deep sorrow and has developed a blocked colon since we got this bad news.  Is it stress or just her poor diet... . not sure.

I haven't had much time to discuss with her how she feels or what she thinks as I have been out of town for a while and just came back.  We see another oncologist on Thursday and will know more about the course of treatment.  At that time I will talk with her at length about what the future may look like and how we can get through this together.

lbj

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Forward2free]

You know what, this sucks and you do not not deserve to go through this ordeal!

This must be very painful for you all and I wish peace and healing for you all.

[js friend]

So sorry to hear this news lbj.

I wish you all the strenghth each day to get through this.  

keeping you in my thoughts,

jsf

[Surnia]

Hi lbj

so very sorry to hear about this!   

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[griz]

Hi lbj:  I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this.  I will be thinking about you and saying prayers.

Griz

[swampped]

You have helped us all so much, dear lbj.  I wish there were some way to send you strength as you face this difficult time with your dear family.  Please know that you, your dh and your dd will be in my thoughts and prayers.       Swampped

[mamachelle]

lbj,

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. We are definitely here for you on the boards as you need us.

    mamachelle

[crazedncrazymom]

Oh Wow!  I am so sorry for you all.  I'll be keeping you all in my thoughts!

[Rapt Reader]

I am so sorry to hear this, lbjnltx... .  

I will keep you all in my prayers; especially your daughter... . I can't imagine how hard this must be for such a young girl to deal with. And you, too... . And your husband... . I wish all of you all the best   

[lbjnltx]

Thank you dear friends for your kind words.

My husband will begin chemo treatment, both oral and IV, around the 27th of August. 

My dd16 continues to have problems with her stomach and her chart has been sent to a GI in a nearby city. 

We spoke briefly about the immediate future and I expressed to her the need for all of us to take a step back and re prioritize.  She agreed that her Dad's health will need to be the family's first priority and the next words out of her mouth were that "if we move A is coming with us" (A is her 18 yr. old boyfriend).  I stopped driving and turned to her and told her to "stop".  That she is not the one to dictate such things and she is not thinking about what is best for her Dad.  I expressed to her that we will do everything we can to keep her in her current school and attempt to keep as much of our lives "normal" as possible.  I told her that I know this is not fair to you and that you are a teenager and focusing outside of self is difficult, that cancer is not fair to anyone, and that we must support the best decisions for her Dad's care.  She was upset for being called out on her behavior and told me she wanted to stay overnight at a friends to avoid being with me.  I told her "no" you will come home this evening and we will work together as a family.  When I picked her up 4 hours later she was fine.

Will update as I have more news.

Thanks for reading

lbjnltx

[peaceplease]

lbj,

I am so sorry that you are dealing with this.  That is a lot to take in.  Will  keep your dh, you and dd in my prayers.  


 

peaceplease

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[qcarolr]

lbj -   

Life feels so very unfair. My prayers are with you and your family.

Such a awesome mom you are - so strong and solid in setting out the boundaries with DD. I was just thinking of her this morning, wondering about how she is feeling toward start of new school year. Is she a junior this year? This is such a hard time to face any kind of change in routine - then to have one that threatens so much more. Holding stress and pain in the guts - me too. I hope they can resolve this quickly and effectively for her.

How are you holding up with all this? Being such a strong woman remember you need comfort too. Can you add an extra measure for self-care right now? Step back from any tasks that can be delegated or put on pause?

Thanks for keeping us updated.

qcr   

[Being Mindful]

I so wished we were all there to help you and your family.

Words right now are at a loss. I turn to God in prayer. He knows what is needed.

Joshua 1:9

[Thursday]

Ahhhhh, lbj,

Thinking of you and your family.

I got a lump in my throat (and semi-chuckled) reading about your daughter's concern about her boyfriend.

I haven't lived in Texas for awhile, but I believe we call

I stopped driving and turned to her and told her to "stop". 

a "Let's get right down to it" moment.

My nonDD, shortly after her Dad's diagnoses, asked if her boyfriend, who was having trouble with his family, could come and live with us.

I didn't give her much validation, as I recall. In my panic over her Dad, I told her she must be out of her mind to ask that period, much less to ask it of me with everything that was going on during that time. She got it, she gets it. And she looks back in wonder and humor at how impossible she could be as a teenager.

It sounds like your daughter got it and gets it too. And that is great news.

If you feel comfortable with your husband's treatment nurses, try to take advantage of that time when you know he is in capable hands to do something nice for yourself. Something you can immerse yourself in... .

and do deep breathing whenever you can.

 

Thursday

[pessim-optimist]

Oh lbj,   

I can't even imagine... . This has to be devastating news to all of you.   

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers... .

This kind of situation has the potential to derail ANY teenager, as they are so vulnerable at their age.

Hope she gets better physically soon.

I was a bit surprised at your directness with her, but I do agree with your handling it.

You know your girl, and the balance between compassion and firmness is SO important during the teenage years.

Take good care of yourself and let us know how things are going if/when you feel up for it.   

[vivekananda]

Hi lbj,

I am sending you all best wishes, you are all in my prayers.

Green leafy vegetables in the diet and exercise can be a great aid to blocked colons. Anxiety is the quickest thing to block me up.


Vivek      

[lbjnltx]

d16 continues to cope well with the situation.  She is slowly absorbing and accepting that her dad is very ill and there will be difficult times ahead.  She understands that he may continue to decline in  health and succumb to this illness. 

We received more devastating news last night that changes the course of treatment.  PET scans and MRI show that there is cancer in my husbands' brain and bones... . not sure yet how extensive.  Chemo has been postponed and he will undergo 10 rounds of radiation asap.  Until we have had a chance to talk to the treatment team in person and get a new prognosis we will not share this information with d16.

She starts school on Monday, her junior year.  I will most likely be absent for most of her first and second week and have to rely on family and friends to look after her.

[Rapt Reader]

I'm so sorry to hear this, lbj... . I wish you all well, and will keep your family in my prayers. I think you're doing the right thing with your daughter; this will be a hard year for her. And all of you. I'm really sorry   

[qcarolr]

lbj -   

What devastating news. I am so very sorry you all have to go through this. Will continue keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

qcr  

[vivekananda]

Dear lbj   ,

I am saddened to hear of the latest diagnosis and the postponement of chemo for radio therapy. You must feel very vulnerable now, please take care of yourself.

Cheers,

Vivek    

[peaceplease]

lbj,

I am so sorry that you are going through this.  It is quite a blow to find out that cancer is so far advanced and leaving you with extremely limited options.

I know this can really drain you.   I am glad that you have help with dd.

Hugs, hugs, hugs to you.  

You and family are in my prayers.

 

peaceplease

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[jellibeans]

Dear lbj

how my heart aches to read your posts... . I am so sorry... . I can't imagine what you are all going through... . I am sorry I have been away from the boards and just saw this today... . I will have you in my prayers... .  

[griz]

So sorry to hear this latest news.  This will be a most difficult time for both you and your DD.  Try to take care of yourself also.  I will be keeping you in my thoughts.

Griz   

[lbjnltx]

Hello dear friends  

We are currently on round 4 of 10 of radiation treatment on my dh's brain.  He is scheduled to start chemo on Sept. 17.

Dd16 is doing ok.  She continues to have problems with her stomach... . both upper and lower and is holding her own. 

We were together the past 3 day weekend (without her Dad who stayed in the city w/stepd24).  Dd16 is missing him terribly though.  The preliminary plan is for him to come home with me to the ranch this weekend.

Dd16 has much to focus on... . school, 1 year anniversary with A... . her boyfriend, and going to church on Wed. nites.

She and I have talked about the situation and all the unknowns.  She is angry at God and doesn't have the ability to understand how He can allow her daddy to go through this.  I encouraged her to draw closer to Him and not pull away as she would be "cutting herself off at the knees and missing the best source of support and love available to her".  She is  no different than any teen would be in this position and I lean on the leadership of our church to help her find peace with God and extended support through our church family.

Continued prayers are appreciated and dh can feel their healing power.

 

lbj

[qcarolr]

    Thanks for the update. Prayers for God's healing power in all your lives.

qcr  

[lovesjazz]

So much to deal with... . you are a role model for us all... . prayers for your family... .

[vivekananda]

thanks lbj for keeping us up to date. I still have you and your family in my heart warm and cosy.   

Vivek    

[pessim-optimist]

Thank you so much lbj for sharing all the news and for finding time to post here during such a trying time for your family.  

Your dd is in such a vulnerable age. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for her to grapple with such 'adult' questions... .'how can God love and still allow her dad to be so ill'; 'how can she be angry at Him and He continue to love her'... .

I will continue to keep you all in my prayers. May His tender mercies enwrap your family, give you strength, and keep you close to Him and each other... .   

[lbjnltx]

Hello dear friends,

It has been a long while since I posted about this situation.  Our days have been filled with doctor and treatment appointments and caring for my dh.  Balancing his care with my d17's needs has been a challenge and we made it through.  d17 didn't always make the best choices... .missing school unnecessarily, getting into a bit of minor trouble here and there.  I had a meeting with the school counselor to find ways to reduce the stress level she lives with daily.  Some accommodations were made (putting her in less academically demanding courses) and putting into place a plan to move to the Learning Center (work at your own pace 1/2 day graduation program) the first of the year.

I am so  sad to tell you all that her daddy lost his battle with cancer on Sunday.  My d17 is coping well and talking to her family and friends about her great sense of loss.  We are all staying close to each other and sharing our pain to ease the burden on our hearts.

Hope filled prayers for my d17 are appreciated and God will honor them mercifully.

lbj

[six]

LBJ

I am so sorry to hear the sad news about your dh.  I wish you are your family healing and peace.  It sounds like you are doing everything possible to support your dd at this trying time.  Sending you strength for the coming days

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