Why are we not able to influence our emotions?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I do not know if some of you, like me, struggle with feeling relieved and hurt/sad/depressed at the same time and if this has to do with a dissonance between what our intellect tells us and what our emotions are?

My dBPDexgf and I broke up seven months ago. I perfectly remember how it happened: she set me an ultimatum like either you give me a sign of committment or I leave. At the time, I was fed up with the r/s. So I responded that there was nothing I felt able to give her. This really came from my head.

The minute she left, I felt at the same time relieved and desperately running after her, promising marriage, etc. Even today, I am able to see from a rational point of view that this was not a good r/s (for either of us) but my emotions urge me to contact her, I terribly miss her and I often feel sad and depressed.

Does this have to do with cognitive dissonance? Is there a way our thoughts can influence our emotions? And if not why?

[Blaise]

I do not know if some of you, like me, struggle with feeling relieved and hurt/sad/depressed at the same time and if this has to do with a dissonance between what our intellect tells us and what our emotions are?

My dBPDexgf and I broke up seven months ago. I perfectly remember how it happened: she set me an ultimatum like either you give me a sign of committment or I leave. At the time, I was fed up with the r/s. So I responded that there was nothing I felt able to give her. This really came from my head.

The minute she left, I felt at the same time relieved and desperately running after her, promising marriage, etc. Even today, I am able to see from a rational point of view that this was not a good r/s (for either of us) but my emotions urge me to contact her, I terribly miss her and I often feel sad and depressed.

Does this have to do with cognitive dissonance? Is there a way our thoughts can influence our emotions? And if not why?

[almostez]

Up until a week ago I was experiencing something similar.  I realized that I was more relaxed and happier without her, but a part of me was holding onto the good times while ignoring the bad which resulted in my wanting to reach out to her.  I am a firm believer that people should make decisions through intellect rather than emotions; this being the case I know that we can not be together any longer.  When I start feeling the urge to contact her I simply focus on the her rages, the lies and indifference and I quickly realize that the price of being with her is much too high and the urge to contact her quickly dissipates.

[Eric1]

I know how you're feeling. Part of me realises we're not meant to be together & she is somebody elses problem now. But, the other part misses her a lot.

Unfortunatly, my heart is leading at this moment in time & i'm trying to get back... . without any joy.

[Perfidy]

Blaise, that is a very deep thought. I too have a lot of ambiguity about my former r/s. the battle between the mind,heart,and body. The way most people do. I seem to be made of three different entities that compose my self. That is a question that all of mankind has struggled with since the beginning of recorded history. Don't think too much.