So I kept thinking about what it is that I'm really missing... . <cut> I don't think it's her. I think she pumped up my self worth <cut> I never felt so wanted.
<cut> I had become addicted to the self worth that she could give me - something that I didn't realize was an issue. <cut> Not taking her back was like trying to quit an addiction. <cut> I realized I wasn't healing because I couldn't give up my addiction to the self worth she would give me in small dosages now. <cut> It's like being an alcoholic and having liquor bottles call you up to hang out. She's an alcoholic too by the way.
<cut> Did I love her? Yeah, I did... and probably still do deep down but I also can't lie to myself that I was using her just as much as she was using me. I don't know if anyone else feels this way about the self worth in these relationships. I've realized that I've always lacked it and I'm trying to build it up to where I was when I was with her. I don't know if that is possible.
hi Me, i'm sorry you're hurting but honestly i found your post so inspirational. and difficult to read. my xBPDgf was also an alcoholic (i am 7 yrs sober), and i realized i was addicted to her during the recycling phase of the r/s, yet i could not break free!
i quit smoking cigarettes! i quit drinking alcohol! nothing i mean NOTHING has been harder for me to quit than HER. i been at it for abt 1.5 yrs now ~ i have 6 months of NC under my belt ~ and still no end in sight.
icu2