Living in the now, not fearing the future

[hardhabit2break]

So I have made great progress these past couple of weeks. Not to say I won't hurt, mourn, anger, wonder, question, still. But I know I will be okay. After a lifetime really, (with my uBPD H for 31 years, since we were 18, married for 28years) it will be a longtime until I adjust to this new life without him as my partner. I am learning what I need him for, not much! I can see that he has lost so much more than I have. He is "living his life" his words. I am living my life, the same life I lived before all this happened, just not with him as part of it. I am learning to live in now--it's all any of us really have. I allow myself to feel the emotions while keeping them somewhat under control. Ruminating about what he has done and continues to do, is not good for me. I have zero control over any of it. Distractions work, replacing the bad thoughts and memories with good ones. I don't fear or dread my future, no one knows what their future holds. I will manage the difficulties that may come, but there will be so many good times too. I have 2 wonderful children who have brought, and will continue to bring, so much love and joy to my life.  I have wonderful family and friends who love me and support me. I am able to get back to some normalcy in my life and it feels good. I am doing okay!

Three months ago, when this crazy roller coaster ride started, after discovering betrayal and so much more, I was a mess. I am dealing with acceptance, especially of the fact that this man is not the person I thought he was, nor will he ever be that person again.

Today I will leave for a trip of a lifetime with my daughter. I am excited!  I deserve it!

Of course I will continue to come to this board, sometimes during difficult times, but hopefully more positive like today!  Be strong my bpdfamily! 

[heartandwhole]

hardhabit2break,

I'm happy and excited for you!  Thank you for sharing your up days with us, too.  It's important for all of us to see the healing, along with the pain that comes from time to time. 

I have 2 wonderful children who have brought, and will continue to bring, so much love and joy to my life.  I have wonderful family and friends who love me and support me. I am able to get back to some normalcy in my life and it feels good. I am doing okay!

What a lovely blessing to have supportive loved ones around you.

Today I will leave for a trip of a lifetime with my daughter. I am excited!  I deserve it!

Have a wonderful and healing trip!

heartandwhole

[GreenMango]

Today I will leave for a trip of a lifetime with my daughter. I am excited! I deserve it!

Congratulations hardhabit!  This sounds really exciting.

Wishing you well