Reasons I must stay in no contact

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

1)I used to do the stupidest things after just 1 text message from him (I blush at the memory and I would feel so humiliated-then he would contact me again & I would do it again!) I must have been soo much fun for him!

2)My friends would start getting disgusted with me but I still wouldn't stop

3)He told me that it didn't matter that we were broken up-all he had to do was call and I would come over(!)HE DARED TO SAY THIS TO MY FACE & I WOULD STILL COME OVER!

4)I am finally starting to achieve some clarity after 1 month with absolutely no contact and it feels so good

5) I tried to just be friends last time & it did not work-he sucked me right back in (friends means friends with benefits apparently)

This time I made it clear that I was not going to play the game... and if he tried I would get a restraining order so he has left me alone. I did, however, see 1 of his friends drive by obviously looking in my window! Now I have been getting private # calls that I don't answer. We'll see how much farther he goes... .

[Undine]

1)I used to do the stupidest things after just 1 text message from him (I blush at the memory and I would feel so humiliated-then he would contact me again & I would do it again!) I must have been soo much fun for him!

2)My friends would start getting disgusted with me but I still wouldn't stop

3)He told me that it didn't matter that we were broken up-all he had to do was call and I would come over(!)HE DARED TO SAY THIS TO MY FACE & I WOULD STILL COME OVER!

4)I am finally starting to achieve some clarity after 1 month with absolutely no contact and it feels so good

5) I tried to just be friends last time & it did not work-he sucked me right back in (friends means friends with benefits apparently)

This time I made it clear that I was not going to play the game... and if he tried I would get a restraining order so he has left me alone. I did, however, see 1 of his friends drive by obviously looking in my window! Now I have been getting private # calls that I don't answer. We'll see how much farther he goes... .

[Moonie75]

So frustrating this BS we go through with them.

I had been NC for 6 weeks till today & had to txt her to ask for bank details to pay her some money I owed her. All belongings have been sorted out at the ctual time of the break up. The money was the only hook she had left in me. What do ya know, after 6 weeks of her behaving, within hours of her being paid & last hook gone, I'm getting withheld number calls to my land line, caller hangs up when I answer!

She's with a new dude now & still in honeymoon phase so didn't expect this cr@p to start already.

It's utterly maddening!

[Moonie75]

Undine,

Just curious, how long have you been NC this time? And is it the 1st time?

[Ironmanrises]

My reason to try and stay NC... .

She will only hurt me.

Again and again.

She hurt me bad the first time she abruptly left me.

When she came back to me 3 months later(3 months NC), begging and crying(i still hear her voice that very day and it saddens me)... . I knew it was a matter of time before she would do it to me again.

I still let her back in. I might as well have torn my own heart out of my chest right then and there.

She hurt me far worse when she left second time.

Her behavior was almost a carbon copy of the first time.

But with more lethality.

Had i not let her back into my life and stayed NC like i had been doing.

I would have been so further along in my life.

I cannot allow her back in. Not after that. My destruction would be complete if i did.

47 days of NC. I tumble still.

[Moonie75]

If I'm really honest with myself, at the moment I'm still not recovered from her and main reason for my NC at the moment, there's only one!

She's a better manipulator than I'll ever be & I'm no match for the skills she has in that craft!

Suspect Ironman is in same boat?

[Ironmanrises]

Moonie,

Well said. Yes, i am in the same boat.

My Ironman suit could not protect me. She tore right through it.

My personality... . was literally no match when her abusive behavior that overflowed from that other side. I still recoil and close my eyes when i remember that time period. I dont like what i saw.


NC was final barrier that i had to implement right away.

[mcc503764]

She's a better manipulator than I'll ever be & I'm no match for the skills she has in that craft!

You're SPOT ON with that one!  I knew what I was dealing with and I thought that I could play the BPD game right along with her... . she was the puzzle that I just had to solve I guess... .

Well, needless to say, she was able to hurt me even more... . Until I just finally threw in the towel and walked away... .

NC for about a month now

MCC

[Undine]

Moonie-I have been in no contact before-last time it was 2 &1/2 years ago and I told him to leave me alone-which he did, after making 2 phone calls that I would not answer and leaving voice mails. Unfortunately I broke contact after a month & then got back with him and stayed for 2 more years in hell! So now I have been burnt to a crisp and do not want to talk to him or see him again. I didn't actually tell him not to call or talk to me when we were breaking up, I had made it clear during a previous fight as a boundary & I think that he knows I meant it. A counselor told me it usually scares them away if you say the "R" word I feel it is so abusive for him to tug on my heartstrings so that he can toy with me. I have been in NC for 1 month counting today.

[Moonie75]

Undine,

What's the 'R word'?

If it scares them away I NEED TO KNOW!

[Undine]

Moonie-The "R" word is RESTRAINING ORDER (!) It really puts the fear of God into them Some people think it is too extreme but even the mention of it seems to work. Of course they can still use the "private #" ploy & use their friends but it at least keeps their more blatant games in check. I don't know if they have the equivalent in other countries (you are in Great Britain I think?). Alot of abused women have to resort to this.

[Moonie75]

Ha ha oh I see.

I've been getting 'withheld number' calls to my land line since the last tie was severed. It's also been noted that she's making excuses to contact friends of mine who she otherwise probably wouldn't be too bothered with. Things like calling a painter & decorator friend of mine & talking to him about doing some work for her at the house (not yet, much later in the year, of course)! Then she tried to direct conversation round to my name, but friend saw it coming, humored her inquiry & stuck to business till she ended the call.

Other examples of her doing the same sort of stuff with other friends of mine here & there.

Like she's not got any hooks in me anymore so she's trying to get them talking about her to me. To stop me from forgetting her? I don't know, but it's VERY annoying!

It's so subtle I sometimes think I'm paranoid, but she just wouldn't be contacting these friends when we were together.

Who knows when or how it will end?

[Undine]

I know- I am totally paranoid. I am sure he would love to know that. He is very status conscious- would really hate trying to explain a restraining order to people. He is a master at turning things back on people so I have to be mindful of my own actions. He liked to call me crazy and point out how superior he was. I had to stop being friends with one of our mutual friends because he seemed to be using her to inform me of all the wonderful things he was now doing without me. I called her on it and she started screaming at me!

[tailspin]

Reason #1 for me (and really, the only reason I need):

I deserve to protect myself from harm (mental and emotional abuse)

I know it's difficult to sustain... . but the discipline required to stay NC will pay huge dividends for you in the end.

tailspin