update... phone call out of the blue

[stronger123]

Hey everyone... . havnt been on here for a few weeks now... but update... about nealry 8weeks ago I got a call out of the blue ... . he said he wants me back, missing me (he sounded very scared and very disorientated)... he was very repetitive too! He asked me if im going to divorce him... . if I will take him back... he addmitted to sleeping with another women... . ( well I knew he was chating on me... thats why I left him!). He said he wanted back what we used to have etc... that im his best friend etc... . loves me... ! My words were... . u know where I live and were I work... u can easly cone find me... . as I dobt know where the hell u are... so I will give u all the answers u require... only face to face, eye to eye... so all I have to dobis wait because your illness eill bring u back to me... . in the mean time im going to get on with my everyday life take care bye. Then I hung up!... That evening I recieved 2x witheld phone calls on house phone. And again acoupke of days later... . but neaely 8weeks on... and nothing... . but my question is... that its my birthsay nxt weds... will that trigger him? Please help x

[stronger123]

Its my birthday next week... is there a high chance this will teigger him? X

[an0ught]

Hi stronger123,

it may well be that your birthday may trigger him somehow. Did it trigger him in the past? And if it did - does your birthday now trigger anxiety in yourself?

You are separate right now. What are you particularly afraid of?

 a0

[Aussie0zborn]

Do you want to get back with him?

[Reg]

Hi stronger123,

May I add a question to that as well ?

If you do have the talk, face to face, what will change in this situation ?  Please be honest with yourself in that answer, whatever way it goes.  We're not here to judge.

Reg

[stronger123]

Hello and thank u for yr replies. It didnt trigger him... . and I dont know about the past causr we  wasnt separate on any of my birhtdays. I want closure. I feel hurt and alone. Ive tried to start a new relationship ... ( with a new man) 3 weeks it lasted... he just messed me abour! I feel alone. And sad with it all. Im having therapy but I dont feel its helping!. Can u tell me... . is he really happy in his new relationship. ... when I rang me out of the blue in july ... . telling me he loves me misses me and wants me back? Yet hes put on fb making out hes happy? I dont even know where hes living... he just abondoned me! Please help me  to under stand all this pain?

[bauers220]

Stronger,

I understand your pain. Its very important to get the notion out of your head that he has moved on with someone else and is giving her all the things you never got.  That is a farce.  That girl is in for hell as well... . I know it seems like he is flaunting this new relationship as happy - but that is what they do.  No one can fill the hole inside of them - but themselves.  Without serious help they will remain as they are.

I know it hurts like hell.  I have said the same thing - I just want closure.  I want her to tell me she does understand that I turned to another woman when she broke my heart - but you know what?  Each time I said I wanted closure - I'd hear from her and get sucked back in!  So right now - her N/C request is a GIFT to me - one I didn't want but boy do I need it.  I am having a stronger day today - and I thank God for it.  They are far and few between.

And for therapy - usually feels worse before it gets better.  You have a lot of junk to clear and heal.  Stay focused on you - and if you can get those junkie thoughts out of your head that he's off and happy as a clam you will do much better... . Keep venting - it helps!   

[stronger123]

Thankyou for your advice ... reading it really is helping me. Today iv e just been crying non stop... because its all so unfair. We were best friends ... . soul mates... . been together 12years... . I wad his first love ... . the hardest parts yet to come... . I know that... . as when I c see him... as much ad I care about him... ive got to break his heart and tell him wr cant be together because ofbhisnhealth. I cant cope or wont except his behaviour anymore thats why I left him. I left him our rented house and I moved bk in with my mum and I thought he would live there but instead... the eve I left him... the very nxt day he moved in with her ( dont know where) and he abandoned me with our house... . left me with cleaing the house out etc handing notice in etc... . oh and to topnit off ... . we was nealry finalising a morgage ( that he claimedbhe was so happy about doing) and he legt me to cancel that and sirt that out too! So as u can see I've been though hell... and its 6months now... . and no sogn of him! Its like hes just disappeared? X

[stronger123]

Oh and one more thing that is making me anxious is that on the 21st it would of been our wedding anniversary. ... and we both got the same week off from work ... . and last time he contacted me in july... . was when we both had the same holiday also. Oh and before I forget... . when he contacted me in july... . I wasnt at home... . but he was at my house so he did come to c me... . but we ended up talking on the phone causr I wasnt there... I do regret that abit... . cause I think what if I had of seen him and said what I wanted to say... that I woykd feel beeter now? Any advice plz?

[DetroitDame]

Right now, your health is top priority.  Take care of yourself both emotionally and physically.  Tend to all the daily details of your life and this should serve to distract you from the time.  However, I suggest you alot yourself specific time to grieve, cry, reminisce, but do not reach out to contact him.  Just attempt to work through the difficult emotions the best you can.  Hope all the best for you.

[bauers220]

One thing I have to say is this... . The BEST thing someone said to me in all my tears and anguish was - "if this was your daughter, what advice would you give - what would you want for her - how would you feel?"  That really hit home as it would KILL me to see my child be treated in this manner.

This is why I am in therapy.  This is why I have to keep healthy boundaries for MYSELF.  I know I will feel guilt if she does reach out and I tell her no more.  I KNOW her abandonment issue - she TOLD me what happened to her as a child... . I HELD her while she sobbed in my arms... . so yes it KILLS me cause I feel like I am abandoning that little girl... . And everyone has left her life eventually - and so will I... . How I lament over that - over and over... .

Sorry this is a bad day for you.  One thing to remember is - bad days happen and so tomorrow could be better.  The bad get fewer and fewer between - this I know from the N/C last May/June that lasted 6 weeks... . it DOES get easier.

I for one am back to square one... .

[stronger123]

Thankyou for your help and advice! I like talking to u! It just seems so long (6 months and counting)... . and not knowing when hits going to kick off ( or if it will wver kick off) will he return for sure at some point in the future... from your experience?