Can BPD forgive?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Every thread I read is just another look at my own life. I met my husband in 1970--we were kids in high school. We were a couple, then we each fooled around with some other kids. then we got older, then married in 1976.

He STILL brings up the other guys I was with in high school! Never once have I mentioned the two other girls he was with--both of whom were my close friends back then.

What is he thinking when he brings this up? Doesn't he realize I have the same ammo he has, or did he forget that part? I won't stoop to that level, and I honestly don't care about stuff that happened more than 40 years ago.

[PaulaJeanne]

Every thread I read is just another look at my own life. I met my husband in 1970--we were kids in high school. We were a couple, then we each fooled around with some other kids. then we got older, then married in 1976.

He STILL brings up the other guys I was with in high school! Never once have I mentioned the two other girls he was with--both of whom were my close friends back then.

What is he thinking when he brings this up? Doesn't he realize I have the same ammo he has, or did he forget that part? I won't stoop to that level, and I honestly don't care about stuff that happened more than 40 years ago.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[charred]

They can need you so much they want you back... . despite having said and done atrocious things.

In my experience... . never really got an apology or a well formed statement that I was forgiven for anything.

What I did notice is that they can have extremely good memories (practice from making/remembering fabrications I think)... . and they remember whatever it was and watch for the tiniest thing to trigger over.

As a result the cycle time seems to be half or less of the prior one... . so if things were okay for 3 months, after a blowup... be doing good to go a month, then 10 days... by the very end I could just stay on the phone and she was going to go from idealizer, to clinger, to hater.

I found I can forgive and forget... . decided to forgive her since she is mentally a mess... and forget trying to make it work.  Been the best decision I have made regarding her.