Hi all
This is a brief history of my relationship and the mistakes I own;
Met uexBP end of January 2010, both in our early 40's.
Him single, (as it turned out not really!),
Me single but fresh out of a 2 year relationship with a Narcissist, and very vulnerable.
Him no children
Me two grown children both living with me, (then a 19 year old daughter working full time, and a 16 year old at High School and working after school with me).
I was working a lot, split shifts, in a Supervisory role, and very busy being a Mother to my grown children and running our home. At times, my life was quite stressful due to so many taxes on my time.
Ex BP found this hard to deal with, (he was always bringing up my 'responsibilities' like he resented them and wanted to be living the life of a beach comber). I do admit that life was at times tough and stressful, but I managed it.
I can accept that it would have been hard for ex to deal with the external stressors in my life, and also to come into a 'ready made family' especially having no experience of his own.I had some male friends, and can accept that BP found this hard to cope with, (activated his 'abandonment issues I guess).
As soon as the very serious
started to appear in BP's behaviour, I at times admit that I didn't react very well to them, and said some things that were highly inappropriate, for that I have always accepted that it didn't help, (only made things worse!).
I can however, let myself off, in that I did not realise exactly what I was dealing with in terms of his illness.
My reactions to his abuse, were not appropriate, and that is the biggest thing I take onus for, I wish I could have known better, but I did make a huge effort to save things, and tried to the best of my ability to do the right thing.
I do not take responsibility for the things he did to me that often prevented me from doing the right thing. Trapping me in his car
Parking behind my car so I could not leave my home to take a time out
Following me to my workplace and publicly humiliating me at work, and refusing to leave or respect my boundaries about not coming to my workplace if he was upset or angry with me.
Attempts to smear my reputation at work, and to others I knew.
Attempts to cause damage at my workplace by kicking in the mall doors, (I had refused to be engaged by his rages/provocationary tactics)
His refusing to leave my home to take a time out from his own provocations
His death threats to me, my family and friends.
His lies and double standards
Premeditating my murder by hiding a huge wrench under the passenger seat of my vehicle and lulling me into taking him on a local walk so he could do this to me.
Being at that local walk and harrassing me and provoking me with his rage the whole walk. He refused to take time out, or allow me to walk off ahead and take a break. Instead provoked me and screamed at me, following me around and around that lake, screaming abuse, and knowing I was afraid to walk on the street for fear of public humiliation again. In the end, I yelled back in retaliation, and when I gave up, and just told him to leave me alone, he walked off, and threw 3 huge rocks at my head, which nearly connected.
Trying to drive both of us off the road, and threatening to kill me first, (by careering towards a powerpole), by this time I had been trapped in his car with him raging, being verbally abusive and threatening for 3 hours. I began to yell back, and he threatened to kill both of us.
In an argument at my house, he lost it again, and began punching me and pushing me hard into the brick pillars in my patio, (I thought he was going to kill me at that point since he was threatening to).
Assaulting me again at my home, pushing me into walls and damaging them, and me.
His allowing a young native bird we had taken in to die in the heat of summer, whilst I was at work and my daughter and her partner were out. The bird had been in their room, and they had left the fan on, BP must have gone down that end of the house to notice the bird wasn't doing so well and was on the floor of the cage, but he left it to flounder, and by the time I got home, the bird was past the point of saving. He then went into a nasty rage about it when I got home, and provoked a fight with me, denigrating my daughter and her partner for leaving the poor bird.
The bird died, but who nursed it, and rung the vets? Me! Who tried to save it's life? Not him, he sat in my lounge in the freezing Air Con in comfort, and left the bird in there to die, and blamed them, (after all it wasn't his bird, or his responsibilty!).
He went to bed before I did, and then once the bird actually died, he got up and refused to let me sleep, instead provoking an argument with me refusing to allow me to sleep, (I was extremely exhausted after working all week whilst he did virtually nothing).
He was always nice to me (well mostly) whenever he wanted something from me, or I was doing something for him, after he succeeded in getting whatever it was he wanted at that time, he would turn again into a jerk.
The latest he got off me (in the last dying months?) a trailer/ride on lawn mower he could sell to make money after fixing up.
In times past whilst we 'weren't in a relationship' as he liked to tell me often in the past 6 months, he tried to get me to buy him an old truck project for $800, and another project car. I remember how nice he was being at that time, (rare!)
He could be nice to me before making love, and then be nasty again almost immediately after.
I don't take onus for his lack of ability to do the things he needed to do for his own physical and mental well being.
I don't take responsibility for him having nowhere to live of his own.
That about sums it up for now.
Thanks for letting me share
