Hi Eodmava
Welcome to our community! Although I'm sorry for the reasons you're here, I'm glad you've found us.
First of all, I'm a little worried about what you said regarding throwing the knife and the clock. When did this happen? Here's a link with some very helpful information how to handle situations like that:
TOOLS: Domestic Violence Against Men----------------------------------
As for constant blaming, it is something many of our members are familiar with. People with BPD are overflown with emotions and aren't able to handle it very well. And since they have trouble with self criticism and introspection, they look elsewhere to find a reason for feeling bad/angry/sad etc. So they project it onto someone else, usually their partner or someone else emotionally close to them. Hence it becomes your fault and you are blamed.
It helps to know that it's part of the disorder, to start with. And when it happens, state your truth once if you wish to, then disconnect from the conversation. You could say something like "I've already given my opinion on it, I'll go do mow the lawn now" Having some things you could do in another room or outside is good.
It's easier said than done, but the more you try to do it, the better you get. Personally, I find that when I'm tired or stressed, it's harder to disconnect so that's when I pay more attention to how I respond.
What really gets us is the "kernel of truth", like you said. Keep in mind that it's used to drag you into the discussion so that you will dysregulate with her. Try to keep out of it. Breath, take a time-out, do something else.
