My letter to my exBPDgf after 3 years of hell.

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3 year relationship, engaged to be married. Its a long story and i WILL post it. The short is we lived together for two years in las vegas in our house. She moved out of state temporarily to help her family, was supposed to be 4 months, I visited her every week for a year at great cost to my own future, and a great detriment to my car lease. She had slept with 6 or 7 guys behind my back, most I had met, and had a serious Colorado BF who didn't even know I existed, and vice versa. I payed for her and 3 of her friends to come down to las Vegas for the EDC concert. They all stayed at our house, after leaving one of her friends calls me and tells me I'm way to nice of a guy to not know the truth, he told me that when my fiancee first got to Colorado he had slept with her a bunch, and told me about the new BF as well. Its sick really what these people are capable of doing.

ExBPDGF,

   There is little point in talking when nobody is listening, and I've seen first hand how little you care, so I will keep this short. The last few months I have been taking careful consideration of your behaviors toward me. For the better part of a year you were leading me on, lying to me, using me and emotionally abusing me with your juvenile behavior and cave-woman like defense mechanisms. I spent a lot of time and money, sacrificed a portion of my future, and trusted you with my heart, while you were looking me right in the eyes and lying to me about anything and everything. You even went as far as to project your lies and infidelity onto me, making me feel bad about my feelings and questioning my own reality, a form of psychological emotional abuse, unfair to a normal person who had done nothing wrong. You allowed me to purchase you dinners and presents, leading me to believe you were my girlfriend when your actions toward me during and especially after the revelation clearly reveal that you really didn't care about me at all. Because of this I can come to no other logical conclusion other than the fact that you were using me. You know fully well I would not have bought you and your friends three hundred dollar EDC tickets, given you a place to stay or bought anyone’s dinner or given your friends gambling money, bought you jars of marijuana, or traveled out to steamboat, or been intimate with you, if I knew what was going on. It was your responsibility to tell me the truth, but you deliberately withheld, and told your friends and those closest to you to hide the truth from me.  I was taken advantage of plain and simple. You never valued me as an actual person, viewed me as an autonomous human being or cared about the way I felt, otherwise you would not have treated me in the way you did, or discarded me so easily. Throughout our “relationship” you rarely cared about my point of view or how I felt, you treated me as an object, without feelings, convenient for you to use and keep around when you needed me, this is demonstrated by your entirely self serving and selfish actions. A real case of “I love you because I need you”  not, “I need you because I love you.”  Because you cared so little about my feelings, I see no point in me caring about how you feel in this matter now.  I respected you as a person, I acted toward you in a loving, caring manner, I respected your boundaries and treated you like a human being. I took care of your feelings and well-being to the best of my ability and at great cost to my own health and future, In return, you disrespected, devalued, manipulated, humiliated me and trampled all over my boundaries and then discarded me. Your psychological projecting and gas lighting left me lonely and questioning my own reality,  an awful form of mental torture. You are an incredibly damaged, self-obsessed, emotionally stunted, psychologically immature, entitled, manipulative, selfish, empathy challenged, blame shifting, unaccountable, monster that is trying her best to masquerade as a human being.  No functioning human being capable of empathy would be able to do the awful things you do to people and be able to sleep at night, especially to someone who gave them so much. You had a man in your life, that would literally carry you in his arms through the Disneyland parking lot when you were too tired to walk yourself, push you around all night in a wheelchair so you could go on the rides, drive you to California when you were sick, checking your pulse, visit you as often as he could no matter where you were, pay your rent, pay your bills, all while skirting his own life responsibilities and needs, You are an idiot for ever discarding someone like that from your life. I am far to valuable of a human being to be made an option and not a priority.  No Matter how you twist it in your mind, or manipulate the truth you know that you used me as a pawn in a sick game of validation, lies, deceit, self loathing and the need to be wanted. It was , and always will be , about you.  You sabotage everything good in your life, and you will play out the same sadistic role with whatever host you latch onto next. I say “host” instead of partner because that's all people are to you, a host for the parasite to use up and then discard.  Your world is very much “here and now” You never formed a deep emotional bond with me, you just existed with me on the surface,  you only “loved” me when you needed me. No Amount of time or distance effected my love for you,  I never even looked at another woman for 3 years, but you were easily distracted by whatever loser was easily available to you at the time. You have the emotional maturity of a child, and now that the next new shiny toy has caught your eye, you've exercised your emotional amnesia. I'm just another unfortunate victim, another discarded empty shell you sucked the life out of and moved on from. You don't love O, you don't know how,  but you will do anything to ensure that you get it, It's just a means of filling up your loneliness and lack of self through another person rather than what it should be; an expression of regard or caring for someone as an equal partner. This was the worst, most painful, emotionally draining, degrading, devaluing “relationship” (If I can even call I that) I've ever been involved in. While I loved you with all of my heart I'm walking away half a person because you sucked all you could from me and then discarded me. Then you say you were never serious about all the things you told me in those wonderful first few months, you even blew off the most important gift anyone ever gave me, my most treasured possession, the letter you wrote to me from rehabilitation. In other words, it all meant nothing to you. You have an attractive personality that does an excellent job of hiding the morally and ethically corrupt abuser who is coldly and ruthlessly calculating in perusing her own selfish ends.  Because you clearly took advantage of my kindness, generosity, and normalcy,  I have decided to recuperate a very small portion of my financial and emotional loss to the best of my ability.  Since you will never be able to repay your broken promises, I have decided to sell my belongings that you abandoned at my house over one year ago. Make no mistake this decision does not come lightly and is a direct result of you bringing four people into my home, two of which you had slept with behind my back and two that you manipulated into lying to me, and then standing in my room and making me feel like an idiot for thinking their was a conspiracy against me, and yelling at me claiming you had “done nothing wrong”.  A string of the most incredibly ed up, indescribably vile, disrespectful actions anyone as ever done to me. One day, while you are busy ing everyone around you (emotionally and literally) someone is going to  you back. With the departure of said items you now have an convenient excuse to turn me into the bad guy, an easy and childlike way to cope with the awful things you did to me. I've never come across a human as adept at lying as you are, You've lied to me for years straight, you've lied to several friends but don't keep lying to yourself, your smart, and you know in your heart there is right and there is wrong, and there is good and there is bad.  What I did, coming back to get you off  of (you know what), even though you were treating me like trash,  and what I sacrificed for you, was right, and good, and your behaviors toward me were wrong, and bad. No one ever asked me to help you, but when something is wrong, those that have the ability to take action have the responsibility to take action. At Van Patten you put your hands on my face and laughed at me when I considered the fact you might get clean and want to move on to someone else. You called me a fool for even saying that and told me that you wanted to marry me, I believed you, I always believed in you. All I ever asked for in return is the basic amount of respect that any human deserves, but you disrespected, used, and abused my trust in you. I'm proud of myself because Honesty, truthfulness, loyalty and putting someone else before your own needs are qualities to be admired. You didn't deserve a person like me in your life, and subsequently you don't deserve someone who cares to store, move, care take,  or allow you to have the items you left with me while you were out busy trying to fill the giant hole in your soul with every penis around you. Now you can live your life for that "flavor of the month" that catches your eye, and off you will go, chasing that drug-like Honeymoon Phase and validation and rush of chemicals that a new "love" brings to you. Until of course they figure out the first time you lie right to their face, or you get bored with them because they can't feed your self esteem anymore and you start cheating on them. You gave up a man who stood by your side during the worst time in your life, who never let you down and always gave you a shoulder to lean on. Someone who sacrificed a good portion of his being, bank account, and emotional energy to save your life. Most people wait their entire lives to meet someone like that, and most never do.  Remember that confident guy you couldn't resist, that laughed you right out of your pants at the Rhino, danced on the hood of his car, skipped down Disneyland main street with you, ordered blindly off the menu at golden gate, and took you on the best date of your life?  That's still who I am, I just put my trust in a loser. Its your shame, not mine, and it's your loss too, and it always will be.

[redbaron5]

3 year relationship, engaged to be married. Its a long story and i WILL post it. The short is we lived together for two years in las vegas in our house. She moved out of state temporarily to help her family, was supposed to be 4 months, I visited her every week for a year at great cost to my own future, and a great detriment to my car lease. She had slept with 6 or 7 guys behind my back, most I had met, and had a serious Colorado BF who didn't even know I existed, and vice versa. I payed for her and 3 of her friends to come down to las Vegas for the EDC concert. They all stayed at our house, after leaving one of her friends calls me and tells me I'm way to nice of a guy to not know the truth, he told me that when my fiancee first got to Colorado he had slept with her a bunch, and told me about the new BF as well. Its sick really what these people are capable of doing.

ExBPDGF,

   There is little point in talking when nobody is listening, and I've seen first hand how little you care, so I will keep this short. The last few months I have been taking careful consideration of your behaviors toward me. For the better part of a year you were leading me on, lying to me, using me and emotionally abusing me with your juvenile behavior and cave-woman like defense mechanisms. I spent a lot of time and money, sacrificed a portion of my future, and trusted you with my heart, while you were looking me right in the eyes and lying to me about anything and everything. You even went as far as to project your lies and infidelity onto me, making me feel bad about my feelings and questioning my own reality, a form of psychological emotional abuse, unfair to a normal person who had done nothing wrong. You allowed me to purchase you dinners and presents, leading me to believe you were my girlfriend when your actions toward me during and especially after the revelation clearly reveal that you really didn't care about me at all. Because of this I can come to no other logical conclusion other than the fact that you were using me. You know fully well I would not have bought you and your friends three hundred dollar EDC tickets, given you a place to stay or bought anyone’s dinner or given your friends gambling money, bought you jars of marijuana, or traveled out to steamboat, or been intimate with you, if I knew what was going on. It was your responsibility to tell me the truth, but you deliberately withheld, and told your friends and those closest to you to hide the truth from me.  I was taken advantage of plain and simple. You never valued me as an actual person, viewed me as an autonomous human being or cared about the way I felt, otherwise you would not have treated me in the way you did, or discarded me so easily. Throughout our “relationship” you rarely cared about my point of view or how I felt, you treated me as an object, without feelings, convenient for you to use and keep around when you needed me, this is demonstrated by your entirely self serving and selfish actions. A real case of “I love you because I need you”  not, “I need you because I love you.”  Because you cared so little about my feelings, I see no point in me caring about how you feel in this matter now.  I respected you as a person, I acted toward you in a loving, caring manner, I respected your boundaries and treated you like a human being. I took care of your feelings and well-being to the best of my ability and at great cost to my own health and future, In return, you disrespected, devalued, manipulated, humiliated me and trampled all over my boundaries and then discarded me. Your psychological projecting and gas lighting left me lonely and questioning my own reality,  an awful form of mental torture. You are an incredibly damaged, self-obsessed, emotionally stunted, psychologically immature, entitled, manipulative, selfish, empathy challenged, blame shifting, unaccountable, monster that is trying her best to masquerade as a human being.  No functioning human being capable of empathy would be able to do the awful things you do to people and be able to sleep at night, especially to someone who gave them so much. You had a man in your life, that would literally carry you in his arms through the Disneyland parking lot when you were too tired to walk yourself, push you around all night in a wheelchair so you could go on the rides, drive you to California when you were sick, checking your pulse, visit you as often as he could no matter where you were, pay your rent, pay your bills, all while skirting his own life responsibilities and needs, You are an idiot for ever discarding someone like that from your life. I am far to valuable of a human being to be made an option and not a priority.  No Matter how you twist it in your mind, or manipulate the truth you know that you used me as a pawn in a sick game of validation, lies, deceit, self loathing and the need to be wanted. It was , and always will be , about you.  You sabotage everything good in your life, and you will play out the same sadistic role with whatever host you latch onto next. I say “host” instead of partner because that's all people are to you, a host for the parasite to use up and then discard.  Your world is very much “here and now” You never formed a deep emotional bond with me, you just existed with me on the surface,  you only “loved” me when you needed me. No Amount of time or distance effected my love for you,  I never even looked at another woman for 3 years, but you were easily distracted by whatever loser was easily available to you at the time. You have the emotional maturity of a child, and now that the next new shiny toy has caught your eye, you've exercised your emotional amnesia. I'm just another unfortunate victim, another discarded empty shell you sucked the life out of and moved on from. You don't love O, you don't know how,  but you will do anything to ensure that you get it, It's just a means of filling up your loneliness and lack of self through another person rather than what it should be; an expression of regard or caring for someone as an equal partner. This was the worst, most painful, emotionally draining, degrading, devaluing “relationship” (If I can even call I that) I've ever been involved in. While I loved you with all of my heart I'm walking away half a person because you sucked all you could from me and then discarded me. Then you say you were never serious about all the things you told me in those wonderful first few months, you even blew off the most important gift anyone ever gave me, my most treasured possession, the letter you wrote to me from rehabilitation. In other words, it all meant nothing to you. You have an attractive personality that does an excellent job of hiding the morally and ethically corrupt abuser who is coldly and ruthlessly calculating in perusing her own selfish ends.  Because you clearly took advantage of my kindness, generosity, and normalcy,  I have decided to recuperate a very small portion of my financial and emotional loss to the best of my ability.  Since you will never be able to repay your broken promises, I have decided to sell my belongings that you abandoned at my house over one year ago. Make no mistake this decision does not come lightly and is a direct result of you bringing four people into my home, two of which you had slept with behind my back and two that you manipulated into lying to me, and then standing in my room and making me feel like an idiot for thinking their was a conspiracy against me, and yelling at me claiming you had “done nothing wrong”.  A string of the most incredibly ed up, indescribably vile, disrespectful actions anyone as ever done to me. One day, while you are busy ing everyone around you (emotionally and literally) someone is going to  you back. With the departure of said items you now have an convenient excuse to turn me into the bad guy, an easy and childlike way to cope with the awful things you did to me. I've never come across a human as adept at lying as you are, You've lied to me for years straight, you've lied to several friends but don't keep lying to yourself, your smart, and you know in your heart there is right and there is wrong, and there is good and there is bad.  What I did, coming back to get you off  of (you know what), even though you were treating me like trash,  and what I sacrificed for you, was right, and good, and your behaviors toward me were wrong, and bad. No one ever asked me to help you, but when something is wrong, those that have the ability to take action have the responsibility to take action. At Van Patten you put your hands on my face and laughed at me when I considered the fact you might get clean and want to move on to someone else. You called me a fool for even saying that and told me that you wanted to marry me, I believed you, I always believed in you. All I ever asked for in return is the basic amount of respect that any human deserves, but you disrespected, used, and abused my trust in you. I'm proud of myself because Honesty, truthfulness, loyalty and putting someone else before your own needs are qualities to be admired. You didn't deserve a person like me in your life, and subsequently you don't deserve someone who cares to store, move, care take,  or allow you to have the items you left with me while you were out busy trying to fill the giant hole in your soul with every penis around you. Now you can live your life for that "flavor of the month" that catches your eye, and off you will go, chasing that drug-like Honeymoon Phase and validation and rush of chemicals that a new "love" brings to you. Until of course they figure out the first time you lie right to their face, or you get bored with them because they can't feed your self esteem anymore and you start cheating on them. You gave up a man who stood by your side during the worst time in your life, who never let you down and always gave you a shoulder to lean on. Someone who sacrificed a good portion of his being, bank account, and emotional energy to save your life. Most people wait their entire lives to meet someone like that, and most never do.  Remember that confident guy you couldn't resist, that laughed you right out of your pants at the Rhino, danced on the hood of his car, skipped down Disneyland main street with you, ordered blindly off the menu at golden gate, and took you on the best date of your life?  That's still who I am, I just put my trust in a loser. Its your shame, not mine, and it's your loss too, and it always will be.

[DragoN]

That is horrific.

Its sick really what these people are capable of doing.

Yes it is, and run run run and don't look back.

Peace and healing to you.

[Ironmanrises]

That is hell on earth.

Powerful letter.

I literally cried reading that.

When you wrote "you live in the here and now... ."

You might as well have described my ex.

[nolisan]

Go NC asap,spend time and share with good friends, vent, cry. Don't contact her. One letter is more than enough.

Time will heal you.

[Clearmind]

Welcome!

Sometimes we stay hoping they will change. For me, it was very obvious all the way through the relationship that I was not being treated the way I deserved yet I stayed.

Have you sent the letter?

Is she diagnosed?