closure?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

well me an dmy exBPD had a face to face conversation last night. Its been 2 monts of one minute she texts or calls and the next she doesnt want to do this anymore. 3 weeks ago she shwoed up drunk, wanted sex and then was tellng me just how much she still loved me. yesturday we talked. she told me she was happy with her life and dont know if she was ever ment to be married and she was searching for her purpose in life. But we had to stop doing this because it was insanity. Which I agree. Her version (shes therapist) is that we get back together and the sex is awesome, we started the honeymoon phase and then all the problems come back. Which I agree except for the problems come back they do but shes the one that cases them. But of course she will never change that and will admit that it is her at diffrent times but yet then turns around and blames it on me. I know classic BPD. She says there is noone else but that she is texting with other men. But not dating she just filling her time with her friends. Whcih could be true becasue her freinds are her world. She cant function without them. She says we should go NC. and if it is ment to be god will put us back together. at point she said she was in love with  me anymore and then she added if that will help you get over us thats what i will tell you.

Is this closure has she fnally showed me her true self?

will most likley will sh estick to her words this time and not bother me. since it is alway her that reaches out for me. One few rare occasions I have reached her for but most of teh time it is her.

and has she mostly likely found a my replacement or is she just developed a heart and decided to stop torturing me.

[mitchell16]

well me an dmy exBPD had a face to face conversation last night. Its been 2 monts of one minute she texts or calls and the next she doesnt want to do this anymore. 3 weeks ago she shwoed up drunk, wanted sex and then was tellng me just how much she still loved me. yesturday we talked. she told me she was happy with her life and dont know if she was ever ment to be married and she was searching for her purpose in life. But we had to stop doing this because it was insanity. Which I agree. Her version (shes therapist) is that we get back together and the sex is awesome, we started the honeymoon phase and then all the problems come back. Which I agree except for the problems come back they do but shes the one that cases them. But of course she will never change that and will admit that it is her at diffrent times but yet then turns around and blames it on me. I know classic BPD. She says there is noone else but that she is texting with other men. But not dating she just filling her time with her friends. Whcih could be true becasue her freinds are her world. She cant function without them. She says we should go NC. and if it is ment to be god will put us back together. at point she said she was in love with  me anymore and then she added if that will help you get over us thats what i will tell you.

Is this closure has she fnally showed me her true self?

will most likley will sh estick to her words this time and not bother me. since it is alway her that reaches out for me. One few rare occasions I have reached her for but most of teh time it is her.

and has she mostly likely found a my replacement or is she just developed a heart and decided to stop torturing me.

[DragoN]

Mitchell,

This reads like classic Push/ Pull BPD behavior and add this in

She says there is noone else but that she is texting with other men.

I think you know what that means as well. She is busy lining up her replacement for you.

My spouse, same about a year ago or more. Be glad that you are not married as that complicates matters greatly.

Sorry you are going through this, I remember the pain of the chaos. After many years of it and knowing that it is BPD that drives it. Little less affected by it and long since detached from the brutal heart ache.

Take good care of yourself and know that you deserve much better than that.

Marek

[Learning_curve74]

She says there is noone else but that she is texting with other men. But not dating she just filling her time with her friends.

Booty calls and one night stands don't count as dating. That doesn't mean you should accept these behaviors if you are in a committed monogamous relationship, right? Believe me, my exBPDgf was full of the same BS, and I know what she was up to: all lies and cheating. 

Is this closure has she fnally showed me her true self?

and has she mostly likely found a my replacement or is she just developed a heart and decided to stop torturing me.

What do you mean "finally showed [you] her true self"? Everything you've seen up to now is her true self! All the messed up things she does is exactly who she is. Just because SHE doesn't have a sense of her own identity doesn't mean it should blind YOU from what you've seen of her. You KNOW what she is and what she does, what she says is immaterial. If I keep punching you in the face but tell you it's for your own good, are you going to believe what I say or believe that I'm hurting you?

For a pwBPD their feelings in the moment are their facts. That's how they can say totally opposite things at different times. Like a kid that hates their parent when they don't get what they want but then loves them when they do. A pwBPD is a severely messed up kid masquerading in an adult body. 

[mitchell16]

I get stuck between seeing her with a mental illiness. Even though she fits most of the critiria to be diagnosed with BPD. Our therapist alike he said he couldnt diagnose her he only seen her on two occasions but met with me and he agreed that her actions, her behaviors were all indicative of BPD. The push/pulls, teh wording she use saying things like " if only I could trsut love" In the  beginning our relationship I would often wake up hearing whisper to me " please dont ever leave" she would be saying it low enough not to wake me but yet where I could here it. Her sudden mood swings and her getting so angry if I left when we would have a fight ( that she would start) she would tell me I abondened her. Most people would never look at that way, they would know it was just a cooling off period. But to her it was extreme. knowing all this  and then see her acting so normal it truly confusing to the mind. Just like Our ending conversation last night. She was very calm, no emotions and she was making perfectly good sense. she is right we dont need to be together. I know this in my heart but Im having a hard time seperating that from emotions and logic. most of the time I was the logical one and she was the complete irrational one. This time I was irrational but was still having a hard time letting go and  shes cool, calm and making all these intelligent decision. Just last year whne I decided to walk away after one her crazy raging epidosed and she demaned a break up. I agreed and walked. It was her that called my phone all hours of the day and night, clinging, driving to my house in teh  middle of te night and then threating sucide and I caved in and we recycled. This time Im the clinging one but not to her extremes but I havng trouble letting go and she jsut making all the sense in the world and walking away without a care in the world.

[DragoN]

Mitchell:

From my experience yes its very common BPD behavior. and from my point of view you cna not make them understand any logic, its almots like they refuse to. Thats why what is in bold make so much sense to me I have lived and saw it first hand over and over.

her: yes, I lied but it was your fault.

her: you dont trust me. me: becuase you have lied to me over and over.

Her: yes but that your fault becuase I couldnt tell you the truth.

this conversation was in reference to her going and meeting her ex behind my back for a weekend. In a way she was right she couldnt tell me the truth becasue at that point I would have walked away from the relationship. she couldnt risk that.

An older post of yours.

You are dealing with completely irrational self serving selfishness of a hideous order that in no way shape or form shows any consideration for your feelings, no respect for you nor the relationship.

She walks and talks like a "normal" human, but inside? There is nothing.

This time Im the clinging one but not to her extremes but I havng trouble letting go and she jsut making all the sense in the world and walking away without a care in the world.

She doesn't make any sense. Look at her past actions. That is her reality and your pain. Most likely you are clinging due to cognitive dissonance and betrayal bonding. It's pretty normal. Need to recognize it in ourselves in order to break the bonds. It's still hard work.

None of this is easy and I know how much it hurts.

[mitchell16]

Silentium, I know she dont make any sense she never has. maybe thats why im having such a hard time letting it go. It shas never made any sense. Which undertsand is the nature of BPD. the oterh night she told me she dindt love me anymore. A week earlier she told me she was still in love with me and coudnt move on with her life just yet. 2 weeks before that showed up at my house two nights in a row to have sex and lay in my arms and tell me it teh bets she felt in weeks and bets sleep she had in months. Now she says she dont love me anymore " if that will help you get past us" is what she said.

another funny thing is I was at her house that night first time I had been there since the break up in july. She still has our pictures up. She had put the cards I had got her up on display. she didnt even have them up when we was together. My shirt which is what she sleeps in was laying out from where she had taken it off that morning. She had pulled all of our pictures down from facebook but as of friday she still has that one up. It like she dont want to be with me but she dont wnat to move on. Im sure she did love me, the best she could. But whats terrible for me is that now she is happy. Like it was all my fault and in her mind i guess it is. It amazes me how much she can twist things to make it what she wants it to be. Like I told her the other day that certain things about people couldnt not be changed but communications problems could be. I told her if I didnt look good enough, could change it, how much money I make will probabley all i will ever make but our communications problem could be fix with therapy and work. She said " see your insecure because of how much money you make" which is not what I said but she was able to twist it to he logic. I know this is BPD but its so hard to accept. and that where I get stuck.

At my home I have taken down anything that reminds me off us because its to painful to look at every day. 

I the past she has said the same things. She didnt love me anymore, only to turn around 3 weeks later and tell me she just said it to push me away. I know I have to let go but i am truly stuck and where i dont want it anymore but I cnat let it go completely.

[DragoN]

Mitchell,

You are right. She doesn't make any sense. The more you try to make sense of her lack of logic and reason, the more you will frustrate yourself.

Now she says she dont love me anymore " if that will help you get past us" is what she said.

That wasn't about you, it was about her. She doesn't love you in that moment, and it will change in 10 minutes. Or, she doesn't love you anymore until the next fish on the line gets reeled in. Look at her actions.

Her words don't align with her actions do they? Words from a BPD are a false currency in communication or trust. You cannot trust them, and they tend not to follow through on most agreements and promises. True only in the moment, forgotten the next.

I told her if I didnt look good enough, could change it,

Mitchell, this sort of thing is a question of self esteem and self worth. Don't do that to yourself. You are good as you are. Period. Who is she? Angelina Jolie? I doubt it.

I know I have to let go but i am truly stuck and where i dont want it anymore but I cnat let it go completely.

That's because you have to take the Red Pill. You are stuck in the BPD Matrix of confusion created by emotional , psychological abuse and cognitive dissonance.i.e. comes to your house for sex, blabs how wonderful it is to be with you, then tells you she doesn't love you to make it easier for you. What planet is she on?

She is already lining you up for the discard, and you are clinging to what you know you cannot hope to salvage from the BPD maelstrom that is slamming you from all sides. It's really up to you. How much pain can you take? You deserve better than that don't you think?

[fromheeltoheal]

She says we should go NC. and if it is ment to be god will put us back together.

What does god have to do with this?  Humans have free will, and if you both want to be together you will be.  Although for a BPD their disorder is their god, they have lost their free will to it and will continue to live in chaos and crazy against their will, not knowing why, not being able to control it.  Knowing this it's up to you how you use your free will.

[happylogist]

What does god have to do with this?  Humans have free will, and if you both want to be together you will be.  Although for a BPD their disorder is their god, they have lost their free will to it and will continue to live in chaos and crazy against their will, not knowing why, not being able to control it.  Knowing this it's up to you how you use your free will.

Exactly! I was reading our last emails and skype calls and what I notice now, that he never used the word "I don't want" or "I will not" when it came to making decisions about us, but instead the passive "I can't" in a very unhappy way... .always victimized.

[goldylamont]

most of the time I was the logical one and she was the complete irrational one. This time I was irrational but was still having a hard time letting go and  shes cool, calm and making all these intelligent decision. Just last year whne I decided to walk away after one her crazy raging epidosed and she demaned a break up. I agreed and walked. It was her that called my phone all hours of the day and night, clinging, driving to my house in teh  middle of te night and then threating sucide and I caved in and we recycled. This time Im the clinging one but not to her extremes but I havng trouble letting go and she jsut making all the sense in the world and walking away without a care in the world.

power grab. last year when you broke up she ended up being the weak one. then after she came back for more and got her fill, now she's going to harness that power and abandon you, makes her feel stronger, more in control. don't feed her any more power it's all she's after. no more apologies. no more i love you's or any of that--at this point all this would do is hurt you more. and, if she's acting this strong now most likely it's because she's already got a replacement (more than likely has had one for quite some time). sorry you are going through this, the recycles suck i know.

[Ironmanrises]

most of the time I was the logical one and she was the complete irrational one. This time I was irrational but was still having a hard time letting go and  shes cool, calm and making all these intelligent decision. Just last year whne I decided to walk away after one her crazy raging epidosed and she demaned a break up. I agreed and walked. It was her that called my phone all hours of the day and night, clinging, driving to my house in teh  middle of te night and then threating sucide and I caved in and we recycled. This time Im the clinging one but not to her extremes but I havng trouble letting go and she jsut making all the sense in the world and walking away without a care in the world.

power grab. last year when you broke up she ended up being the weak one. then after she came back for more and got her fill, now she's going to harness that power and abandon you, makes her feel stronger, more in control. don't feed her any more power it's all she's after. no more apologies. no more i love you's or any of that--at this point all this would do is hurt you more. and, if she's acting this strong now most likely it's because she's already got a replacement (more than likely has had one for quite some time). sorry you are going through this, the recycles suck i know.

In bold.

Spot on.

In bold/italics/underlined... .

That is what she will do to you... .

Again and again.

Only if you let her back in.

That is why you need to go NC.

Save yourself Mitchell.

[mitchell16]

thanks you all once again great advice. I figure last year was because I was the one who broke up with her and how dare I do that to her. as far a replacement i suspect but not for sure. She admitted to texting with someone but has claimed that it was nothing. But then she lies so much who can tell. BUt we are broke up so i cant say anything about that. Even though her phone and her changing her password was what cause this last break up. In that past she has lied about her phone to seeing her ex boyfriend. The last time she changed all her pass words it was because her ex was contacting her via emails and texts. In the week of our break up she changed her email password and her cellphone password in a week. I didnt know it until she annouced it to me. Then I become suspcious. When I asked her about it, she exploded and then started saying I didnt trust her and that we should just break up. I felt like it was a set up and she was just looking for an excuse to break up.

My typing got cut off when I was talking about looks. I told her if I didnt look good enough, there was nothing I could do about it, I couldnt change it. But with her she alway say we have a communication problem. And I agree we do. Know matter what I say Im wrong. if agree with her, that is subject to change. if i disagree I like to argue. if I dont say anything, I dont care about the relationship. its a BPD nightmare.

Your responses have gave me strength to try and go back nc. I should have never broke it but I find her so alluring and hard to resist. I still care about her so much. even though I wonder why after all the things she has said and done.

as far as God goes. She is always babbling about religion and god. Its conveint excuse in my opinion for her. After having sex from every possible way for a year and half. One day she starts wanting to break up with me and starting quotiing her spritiual convictions becasue we was having sex unmarried. of course when I suggested we get married she shot that down. and when I asked her about all the sex she had before us unmarried. that opened a whole another chapter. So god is just an excuse she uses when she needs an out and doesnt want the blame.

Since our break up she has intergrated herself in with her female bossess family its very weird, she has made fb friends with all of her bosses family, her boss friends that doesn even work for the company, her boss minor daughter, her boss daughters best friends. Just very strange. and I still cant understand why she is keeping up our picture in her home, and the card displays. It all very strange to me. of course I know i should no better not to try and figure her out but some how I just cant stop trying to make sense.

[bpdspell]

Back and forth antics aside... .Mitchell... .you are ultimately the one who has to cut the cord for good.

You are torturing yourself with her emotional dsyregulation when her behavior is telling you everything you need to know.

She isn't capable of giving you the happiness you desire. I know that hurts to read but going back and forth and swirling her pretzel logic words around in your head is simply going to keep you in a state of confusion and inertia.

I think you're holding on in the hopes that somehow this can all fix itself if she'd just "act" normal.

I think you're even more afraid of facing your own mirror.

A mentally ill person cannot give you closure. They can only give you more of who they already are: toxicity, self-hate and shame. We delude ourselves into believing that they can give us more than that. We want diamonds from them when they can only give us coal.

Your closure lives within you. Sounds cliche but its the only place that it can genuinely come from. I get that our ex's look normal on the outside but they are very sick human beings. Stop giving your ex the opportunity to pour acid on your open wounds. You have the power to end this dance for good.

Spell

[slimmiller]

Since our break up she has intergrated herself in with her female bossess family its very weird, she has made fb friends with all of her bosses family, her boss friends that doesn even work for the company, her boss minor daughter, her boss daughters best friends. Just very strange. and I still cant understand why she is keeping up our picture in her home, and the card displays. It all very strange to me. of course I know i should no better not to try and figure her out but some how I just cant stop trying to make sense.

The pictures being up gives her a sense of security as she contemplates jumping off the cliff so to speak. Its her security blanket. Once she gives you enough reasons for you to completely push her away (which will make things easier for her) then she will put up pther pictures. Probably with the person she is looking to leap to.

Yes her talking about God and going all Spiritual about it and complaining about having sex outside of marriage with you, She wont complain about that when she finds the new one that gives her the warm feelings that she is refusing to allow herself to feel with you. Im not trying to be crude about it. Mine did the EXACT same thing. In the end it was her not only having sex outside of being married but while STILL married to me and yet she had issues with her and I having sex before marriage. (or so she said)

It does not make sense to us nons, it does not make sense to them either

[mitchell16]

I know I cant depend on her for closure and its has to be up to me. I wish I could muster the strength that i have in the past. been many time i walked away from her without feeling this levle of pain. Maybe cause ddep down i always thought we would recycle and it would be better. I dont really know. But this time it has been terrible, and the pain is almost unbarable. I dont know why? is it becasue she is being so cold and showing o sign of emotions. I cna reallt put my finger on from my perpsctive.

[mitchell16]

sorry to continue. But yes she has always showed me her true self. I guess what I was talking about is her cold, way of cutting you off now that she has milked it all for what is worth. In that past she has alway shwoed some emotions but this time it was like she could care less. She said she wasnt going to gte involved with anybody else that would cause her to run back to me. I the past I have suspected whenever we broke up it was becasue she had interest in other man. she would date the them, become disappointed and the n run back to me.

[goldylamont]

sorry to continue. But yes she has always showed me her true self. I guess what I was talking about is her cold, way of cutting you off now that she has milked it all for what is worth. In that past she has alway shwoed some emotions but this time it was like she could care less. She said she wasnt going to gte involved with anybody else that would cause her to run back to me. I the past I have suspected whenever we broke up it was becasue she had interest in other man. she would date the them, become disappointed and the n run back to me.

yup. same thing happened to me and it sounds like lots of us. the harsh reality is that she has been looking for a way out for a while--the only way out for her being "love" or sex with someone else. and she'll say or do anything to you, whether it be to string you along, recycle or devalue you if you get in her way.

trust yourself when you look back at arguments and conversations and feel she was falsifying things or making a commotion over nothing. you're perception of truth is better than hers.

i want to be straightforward with you mitchell16, but I want you to know that i do this with full compassion b/c i went threw pretty much exactly what you did. yes, you guys broke up before and she wasn't quite ready to let go. she tried out some other guys, most likely lied to and/or hurt them (or perhaps it was just casual) and then she comes back to you when she's bored or they won't put up with her.

i think it's healthy to understand the full scope of what is going on which is why i share and why i am frank. and what everyone is saying is true that everything comes back to you and your decisions in this situation. eventually you will *have* to completely shed all forms of self-victimization from this whole ordeal. this will take a lot of work, a lot of healthy grief for the loss, a lot of natural time to wash your psyche clean and let the understanding trickle in.

i don't say all of this stuff about your ex to talk bad about her. nor do i say it so that you don't have to focus on your issues. rather, i know how i felt when in your shoes just several months ago; and understanding the full scope of who this person truly was, and then accepting this allowed me to not need to seek out answers any more and radically accept my reality. the bright side is that (i don't believe) you have children together, and although you lost some dough on her (many of us lost some  ) it doesn't sound like the finances will destroy you. in time, after you honor your anger you'll begin to see her more just as a sick person rather than the evil force that is out to get you now. forgiveness doesn't mean saying nice things about someone who we still hate. forgiveness means "this person can no longer hurt me, i'm not afraid of him/her any more"--then you just don't care, even if you see her. and this will happen for you i'm sure of it. i'm most of the way there but i had lots to process, friends to talk to, things to understand. just make sure that you conduct yourself as best you can, b/c she's reached defkon 9 and there's no coming back at this point, but what you can do is be kind to yourself, wait it out. be strong in front of others and be weak only to close trusted friends who will really listen. and don't play into her games... .it's always no-win, she's got decades of practice. hang in there! we're with you

[GreenMango]

Her version (shes therapist)

She's a therapist?  That's scary.

Just enough authority to do damage and not enough sense to know otherwise.

[mitchell16]

thank you all. I woke up this morning with my renewed vow of going NC and staying that way. My goal today is make a list of all things i would like to do with myself. I invited a friend out for dinner tommorrow night. So that will be nice evening.

yes, she is a therapist, which is very scary. Our therapist said to me out of her presence. If you just listen to her she never stops diagnosing everyone but never looks at herself. and he was right. I regret that she is ever allowed to help people with their problems, it is very scary. To listen to her at times is a nigtmare. Like i said in the beginning she could convince me I was the devil himself. But once I found out about BPD it all made so much sense. yes, it still hurts that she blames me for all these awful things and I know Im not doing them. But it still hurts. To love someone, who you was good to, cared for, and then treated like you was the bad one. It stings.

Our therapist also told me that he believe she is bPD but cant diagnose it with more indepth time with her but of course she wont go back and that is fine. i will be going back to him. It brought me alot of peace the last time I through this with her. Its hard not see her as a monster. i wish I didnt but I do. I feel like she tried to destroy me but for why. I will never understand that and maybe im not supposed to.

I am thankful that we didnt marry a few months back when she impulsively wanted us to. One say she just got up and said we should get married today. I talked my way out of by suggesting we wait and make it special. BUt my gut instinct was not to. No, we dont have children togther and that is a blessing. Her poor ex husband had a child with her nad he is for chained to her. she always talks about how wondeful their relationship is but I bet he just keeps the peace with her becasue the do have a child if not he probaley would never speak to her again.she cheated on him, like 3 times during their whole relationship, she destroyed his relationship with his brother by convincing him that his brother was after her sexualy and now his brother is dead. Which is ironic she tried to convince me right before our last break up that my brother gave her the creeps and was after her sexually. I just now remember that. She got furious when I wouldnt side with her against him over something else.

so I have alot to be thankful for. This has been a complete mind screwing, I feel rejected, I dont trust my insticnt now, I feel loss for alot of wasted time with a person who has no soul.

I hope I will get to the point where I stop caring why or for wat reason she does things. Like all the recycles, all the chasing she did when we would break up. 15 times she could have just let me be and I would have already been over this. BUt each time she had those magic answers, I will get therapy, It was my fault but... .or I relaized that i want to get married. I fell for it each and every time. I was a sucker for her.

[Ironmanrises]

thank you all. I woke up this morning with my renewed vow of going NC and staying that way. My goal today is make a list of all things i would like to do with myself. I invited a friend out for dinner tommorrow night. So that will be nice evening.

yes, she is a therapist, which is very scary. Our therapist said to me out of her presence. If you just listen to her she never stops diagnosing everyone but never looks at herself. and he was right. I regret that she is ever allowed to help people with their problems, it is very scary. To listen to her at times is a nigtmare. Like i said in the beginning she could convince me I was the devil himself. But once I found out about BPD it all made so much sense. yes, it still hurts that she blames me for all these awful things and I know Im not doing them. But it still hurts. To love someone, who you was good to, cared for, and then treated like you was the bad one. It stings.

Our therapist also told me that he believe she is bPD but cant diagnose it with more indepth time with her but of course she wont go back and that is fine. i will be going back to him. It brought me alot of peace the last time I through this with her. Its hard not see her as a monster. i wish I didnt but I do. I feel like she tried to destroy me but for why. I will never understand that and maybe im not supposed to.

I am thankful that we didnt marry a few months back when she impulsively wanted us to. One say she just got up and said we should get married today. I talked my way out of by suggesting we wait and make it special. BUt my gut instinct was not to. No, we dont have children togther and that is a blessing. Her poor ex husband had a child with her nad he is for chained to her. she always talks about how wondeful their relationship is but I bet he just keeps the peace with her becasue the do have a child if not he probaley would never speak to her again.she cheated on him, like 3 times during their whole relationship, she destroyed his relationship with his brother by convincing him that his brother was after her sexualy and now his brother is dead. Which is ironic she tried to convince me right before our last break up that my brother gave her the creeps and was after her sexually. I just now remember that. She got furious when I wouldnt side with her against him over something else.

so I have alot to be thankful for. This has been a complete mind screwing, I feel rejected, I dont trust my insticnt now, I feel loss for alot of wasted time with a person who has no soul.

I hope I will get to the point where I stop caring why or for wat reason she does things. Like all the recycles, all the chasing she did when we would break up. 15 times she could have just let me be and I would have already been over this. BUt each time she had those magic answers, I will get therapy, It was my fault but... .or I relaized that i want to get married. I fell for it each and every time. I was a sucker for her.

In bold.



That is a start.

Yours is a therapist... .?

That is scary.

Imagine her patients all looking up to her for guidance... .

And not knowing what she truly is.

Terrible and awful... .

And just sad.

Mine is a health coach for a fitness company... .

Helping others have a healthy body and mind frame ... .

And she gets tons of validation from that... .

They have no idea how she really is.

A cruel paradox.

[mitchell16]

I know it is very scary. Mine gets validation from being a therapist. I thinks it means in her mind she is normal. and it gives her power over other people. Builds her up. I remmber a story she told me a few weeks ago, how one of our friends husband has a serious drinking problem. she had an intervention with him. Now mind you she has been doing this with them for years, and she really dont have anyroom when dealing with drinking problem. She cant control her own. But anyway after the interventions, He was cured. Ha Ha. She told me how they told her she was the best therapist ever. what a joke and she was just glowing when they said that. Now really, she cured a man who has been is a severe alcoholic for 25 years with one intervention. more like enabled him in my book, cause now he wont really seek help. Just like she dont. She gets therapy from her best friend who is a therapist herself. My therapist heard that and about fell out of his chair laughing.

[Ironmanrises]

That very validation that they are getting from others... .

Undermines the non... .

Us... .

The very people closest to them in the process.

They have all these other people enabling them... .

And the non... .

Literally gets outnumbered... .

Out voiced... .

They have 20 people telling them... .

You are great, awesome, cool, and what not... .

And one person(us)... .

Telling them... .

No... .

You are abusing me... .

You are treating me really bad... .

You insulted me... .

You are ignoring me... .

We stand no chance against that.

Other then... .

To keep them away from us... .

For good.



 

[slimmiller]

That very validation that they are getting from others... .

Undermines the non... .

Us... .

The very people closest to them in the process.

They have all these other people enabling them... .

And the non... .

Literally gets outnumbered... .

Out voiced... .

They have 20 people telling them... .

You are great, awesome, cool, and what not... .

And one person(us)... .

Telling them... .

No... .

You are abusing me... .

You are treating me really bad... .

You insulted me... .

You are ignoring me... .

We stand no chance against that.

Other then... .

To keep them away from us... .

For good.



 

This is good and so damn true!  My ss14 and I were talking about 'mom' and her craziness (she is being interviewed/investigated because her ex is suing for full custody) and I told him basically what you are saying here. No one will believe us when he and I tell everyone how she TRULY is. They will think we are crazy, not her. You have to be extremely close to her to see it and then you are in her grasp and at her mercy. (if she has her way)

On a side note, mine is going for her Masters in psychology and the few people that really know her all laugh out loud when they talk about it. There is no one that they know that functions or rather disfunctions like her and her she will be counseling others  

If there was just an accurate screening process to prevent this from happening because I can only imagine her telling a 33 year old wife and stay at home mother that its okay to sleep with a 23 year old exchange student while her husband 40 is home raising her kids... .I hope she nevers gets the opportunity to validate that kind of morality in someones elses life

[mitchell16]

its a complete mind screwing deal with this disorder. I could only imagine what mine tells her clients. I know she has one that I always thought it inappropriet relationship. he is very young and she has passed him over to another therapist but yet she still stays in contact with him on her off time. He has sent her pictures with his shirt off and I dont think that is right or professional.

mine is surround with  a group of enablers you wouldnt believe. Not one of them hold her accountable for anything. which helps her continue on this road she is on. She once told me that her male friend didnt care who she slept with becasue her accepted her as she was. I wouild agree. I dont care who my firends sleep with either Im not in a sexual relationship with them. BUt in her mind this made complete sense. If i was her best friend I shouldnt mind. who think this way? she ws always caomparing our relationship to everyone else in her circle. but what she compared it to was unrealistic. like one of he rmarried friends. She says they come every evening and sit down togther and he has her dinner fixed. Why didnt I do that for her. When I tried to explain that they live togther in the same house its possible. Me and her live in diffrent states and dont live with each other. When she stayed with me I did those things. it is crazy how warped their perceptions are.

[GreenMango]

Some, not at all, but some people get into psychology because they are trying to answer their own questions and make sense of theory own struggles.

Some make it through it and learn about the ins and outs of being a good therapist and proper boundaries... .then there are the ones who don't.

First and foremost in almost any relationship is boundaries.  It's like skin.  You need it or you are vulnerable to getting sick.  Same goes for therapists.

It makes sense if a person has BPD, they are a therapist, and they are unwilling to do the work on themselves that they same level of boundary-lessness exists with patients.  The really sad part is the patient is trusting in the therapist to do the healers mantra "do no harm" and they are vulnerable.  Most people don't go to therapy for feeling awesome.

It is scary.  And her having having an ex patient send sexual body photos is really questionable - shows awful judgment and care regardless if he's her patient anymore.

Mitchell and Slim - seeing this kind of stuff in action with them - does it change tu feelings a little about them? Like a cold water bath?

[slimmiller]

Mitchell and Slim - seeing this kind of stuff in action with them - does it change tu feelings a little about them? Like a cold water bath?

It scares the hell out of me. I envision someday a couple sitting before her and her giving the offender/cheater in the relationship an out because the cheater is following her or his, 'heart' as she is doing and the other one being cheated on even further bewildered. I know this is in all reality is never going to happen though for several reasons. She has never held a job over a few month and as she is going to school she has managed to be fired from several jobs that are almost impossible to be fired from. So to see her as a professional with a clientelle and as therapist is just a dream in her grand ideastic thinking.

That being said I wonder at times if the amount of BPDs, or what ever disfunctions, could be more prevalent in the psychology world then in many other professions. Partially for the reason you cited. They cant fix themselves but know how 'they' think so she can fix 'them'

I have seen many posts here by those that seem to be professional giving advice and insight that you would truly have to be BPD in order to give. As I detach and move forward it shocks me less every time but I always feel so bad for the new person asking questions and in deep pain for the advice to be so cold and institutional. Being human to the victim (non) would be much more usfull.

Thank You for the question! It always helps when we go inside and ponder (to answer a question)