Broke NC

[Ironmanrises]

Yes.

Because they don't properly detach... .

From us.

Their lack of grieving... .

At the end... .

Is evidence of that.

See how the non... .

Grieves at the end.

We are trying... .

To find closure... .

To a relationship... .

That has ended.

The pwBPD does not.

NC is for your well being.

To give you... .

That space... .

To heal.

Constant exposure... .

To them... .

Inhibits... .

That healing.

[strikeforce]

Thanks for your insight IMF 

She was hurt badly at seeing me on a dating site and used her friends account to contact me on it.

I never seen the message until the next day as I was out, but she couldn't hold back and also text me a long message of how I was a knob and must have been cheating on her.

I text her back nicely and within a few hours said she loved me as her best mate.

[Ironmanrises]

Welcome... .

Strike.

To give you an analogy... .

Of what... .

Her constant intrusions... .

Are going to do to you.

If you have seen the movie... .

Matrix Revolutions... .

The scene where the robot sentinels... .

Are digging to find the city of Zion... .

Is a visual I have of all of this.

City of Zion... .

Is you... .the non.

The machines(diggers, sentinels)... .

The pwBPD(your ex)... .

The walls of the city... .

The docking ring... .

(Is your wall of NC... .

Meant to keep you safe)... .

The diggers reach the wall of NC... .

(Your haven)... .

And one makes it through... .

(PwBPD sends a direct re engagement to you)... .

That breach... .

Allows a stream of sentinels... .

To come pouring through... .

(Manipulations)... .

The inner dock of the city... .

(You)... .

Defended by APU mech suits... .

(Your defense system)... .

Immediately... .

Trains their guns to resist the breach... .

But that very breach... .

By those diggers... .

Was all it took... .

For enough sentinels... .

To make it through... .

And wipe out... .

All of your defense APUs... .

That valiantly tried to keep them out.

The docking ring... .

Gets swarmed... .

And overwhelmed... .

Along with the APUs.

That is why... .

You cannot allow them... .

To breach... .

Your wall of NC.

You will get... .

Literally... .

Overloaded... .

At the end.

That was what it was like for me... .

In round 2.

I couldn't keep her out.

All of my APUs... .

Were firing nonstop... .

And... .

Ultimately... .

Were completely wiped out... .

As her sentinels... .

Poured through that breach... .

Of my wall.

Here is a clip of that scene.

www.youtu.be/5q5rsQJpGV0

Don't let her back in.

[strikeforce]

Its a great analogy.

I guess its where we all fall down, thinking a text here or there wont matter but by then its too late, she's got over the NC wall and is staring you in the face.

[ucmeicu2]

It seems they don't like it when you appear to have moved on.

something strange to me, i can't really explain, but my xBPDgf seems to always come out of the woodwork when i am moving on... .when i've reached some new hallmark of healing... .when i've let go just a little more... . when i'm happier, etc etc... .  i know i'm not imagining it b/c my best friend has noticed it too, on many occasions.

the only social media i ever used was FB and i unfriended her/blocked her/and don't even give status updates there anymore anyways!  and as far as i know we don't share any mutual friends - but even if we did i do NOT talk to anybody about her, except my best friends and you guys here at BPDfam.  so how do they do it?  it's almost as if they have some radar, some psychic connection or knowing... .creeps me out at times.

icu2

[strikeforce]

It seems they don't like it when you appear to have moved on.

something strange to me, i can't really explain, but my xBPDgf seems to always come out of the woodwork when i am moving on... .when i've reached some new hallmark of healing... .when i've let go just a little more... .  when i'm happier, etc etc... .   i know i'm not imagining it b/c my best friend has noticed it too, on many occasions.

the only social media i ever used was FB and i unfriended her/blocked her/and don't even give status updates there anymore anyways!  so how does she do it?  it's almost as if she has some radar, some psychic connection or knowing... .creeps me out at times.

icu2

My BPD ex claimed she was psychic and was able to know how I was feeling.

I too had no contact with her, but yet she knew I was moving on and was happy. Maybe the NC made her aware of that fact?

Now shes ramping up the contact with me

[ucmeicu2]

My BPD ex claimed she was psychic and was able to know how I was feeling... .I too had no contact with her, but yet she knew I was moving on and was happy. Maybe the NC made her aware of that fact?

hmmm wow, there's another one:  mine told me the same thing!  she's psychic, she's an empath, she can feel people's feelings - tries to block them but they get through and overwhelm her, etc.  

i thought those were "out there" kinds of things.  until i researched!  astrology, for example, i looked up her astrology chart and it said, in many different resources, that she actually is all those things.  same thing when i played around with her name and numerology - also said the same things about her.  fascinating, but creeped me out some more.

now, your question about the NC tipping them off?  sure, NC gives someone a clear msg that you're moving on or at least trying to.  but still, that doesn't explain, for me in my case at least, the timing of her reaching out to me... .how it so often co-incides with more than just "NC" but more with how i'm actually feeling/adjusting "inside myself"... .  and how could she know that?   

[hopealways]

I don't get it either but they do sense it-I think they have an internal clock that tells them "hey this NC has gone farther than my previous victims and probably means he is over me so let me try to reel him back in!"

My BPDx has a 2 month cycle with this feeling. She has reached out to her 2 past boyfriends 2 months after a "final" breakup.

[ucmeicu2]

I don't get it either but they do sense it-I think they have an internal clock that tells them "hey this NC has gone farther than my previous victims and probably means he is over me so let me try to reel him back in!"

My BPDx has a 2 month cycle with this feeling. She has reached out to her 2 past boyfriends 2 months after a "final" breakup.

well mine isn't on any schedule, hehe.  i'll give you an example.  i was NC for abt 5-6 months.  during that time, she tried over and over to reach me by phone, eventually i blocked her.  so i'm sitting with my best friend, after a couple months of her being blocked, and crying and saying , like "i can't believe she isn't trying harder to contact me!  if she really loved me she would WRITE after the CALLS were ignored"... .  i swear to god, 7-10 days later?  i got a 2 page handwritten love letter in the mail!  in that letter she said everything i could've wanted to hear.

so, see what i mean abt the timing?  nobody told her that i wanted her to write to me, i just THOUGHT abt it, and she DID it.   stuff like that... .when i say we were "connected", i mean seriously connected.  never had stuff like that happen with anyone else but with her, these... .well, what people generally call "coincidences", happened at an alarming rate.

at what point would any sane rational person stop calling them "coincidences" and start calling it something else?  shrug... .i've always leaned towards science/evidence/rationale/etc but it's hard to get this stuff/these "coincidences" out of my mind... .

[allweareisallweare]

They want their cake and eat it too - that's the audacity of them - they think they can ruin our lives, cause us maximum damage, and then suddenly we'll be having coffee with them as friends?  My ex implied that we could remain friends too - that is INSANITY, she rebounded after manipulating a breakup, that's mortal enemy material. We're six weeks no contact and counting.

[maxen]

They want their cake and eat it too - that's the audacity of them - they think they can ruin our lives, cause us maximum damage, and then suddenly we'll be having coffee with them as friends?  My ex implied that we could remain friends too - that is INSANITY, she rebounded after manipulating a breakup, that's mortal enemy material. We're six weeks no contact and counting.

same story. as she was announcing her infidelity and abandonment, mine finished with 'i hope we can be friends someday.' lunatic, cheap-minded stuff.

i'm 4 weeks no see and almost 3 weeks total NC. the rage is strong today. i'm really afraid for my stability sometimes.

[hopealways]

Rage is okay for me it helps me get through the day.

I do feel that some of their craziness rubs off on us which is yet another reason to run away! I DO NOT want to be like her.

[peas]

Just after idealization my ex tried to dial back our r/s to "just friends." I told him no. After all he said to me about wanting to combine our lives, marry, I was his one and only, whatever, I said I can't switch to friends mode. He complied and we were okay for a while. A few months later we were done. 

[HarmKrakow]

Just after idealization my ex tried to dial back our r/s to "just friends." I told him no. After all he said to me about wanting to combine our lives, marry, I was his one and only, whatever, I said I can't switch to friends mode. He complied and we were okay for a while. A few months later we were done. 

Done, as in for good?

[peas]

Done, as in for good?

Yes. We have not had any contact in three months. Break up was four months ago. Toward the end he started saying he wanted to take it slow. He didn't go back to the "just be friends" mindset, which was around mid-r/s, but he did try slowing things down again. That's when I noticed the detachment setting in. He mentally checked out.

[Ironmanrises]

Peas... .

Don't assume that he is done for good with you.

The pwBPD... .

Do return more times then not.

Regardless... .

If they say the words

":)one forever... ."

"Cycle stops here... ."

"I found someone else... ."

Remember... .

The pwBPD lives in transitory moments... .

From point A... .

To point B.

Not just in idealization... .

But in devaluation... .

And discard too.

[strikeforce]

Well it happened last night, what I had expected NC or no NC it was going to happen.

The drunk texts asking if I ever loved her, that she's lost everything, that everything she touches breaks etc.

[strikeforce]

My BPD ex claimed she was psychic and was able to know how I was feeling... .I too had no contact with her, but yet she knew I was moving on and was happy. Maybe the NC made her aware of that fact?

hmmm wow, there's another one:  mine told me the same thing!  she's psychic, she's an empath, she can feel people's feelings - tries to block them but they get through and overwhelm her, etc.  

i thought those were "out there" kinds of things.  until i researched!  astrology, for example, i looked up her astrology chart and it said, in many different resources, that she actually is all those things.  same thing when i played around with her name and numerology - also said the same things about her.  fascinating, but creeped me out some more.

now, your question about the NC tipping them off?  sure, NC gives someone a clear msg that you're moving on or at least trying to.  but still, that doesn't explain, for me in my case at least, the timing of her reaching out to me... .how it so often co-incides with more than just "NC" but more with how i'm actually feeling/adjusting "inside myself"... .  and how could she know that?   

I have always been opened minded about these things until I met her, now I have no doubt, its creepy.

She knows when to contact me and when not to.

[ucmeicu2]

so, strikeforce, what do you attribute it to?  how does she know when to and not to contact you?  what do you think this "connection" is?  it's like a superpower or something?  seriously, they are not your average bear, eh? 

this burning question, HOW does she know these things, thats what drove me to surf the web and it led me to Twin Flames.  and it's a fascinating concept.  and if it's true, it sure does explain a lot. 

and the really "freeing" thing about it, is these "experts" on twin flames, they say these r/s's are super hard and don't expect it to be easy or happily ever after, in fact don't even expect it to last, sometimes it's too much of a struggle for one or both.  the TF theory takes away the 'creep factor'.

so that would

A) explain it, for me in a way that makes more sense than just it reducing 'the love of my life' to that my broken child met another broken child and we had the perfect ___ storm (that leaves me feeling incredibly umm disappointed!)

B) leave me guilt-free and

C) allow me to come away feeling like i'm not a loser but, in fact, a winner and have learned a lot, and evolved.  i saw someone else something to that effect too, getting the greatest gift from their BPDx.  i think that's a lovely way to look at it.

My BPD ex claimed she was psychic and was able to know how I was feeling... .I too had no contact with her, but yet she knew I was moving on and was happy. Maybe the NC made her aware of that fact?

hmmm wow, there's another one:  mine told me the same thing!  she's psychic, she's an empath, she can feel people's feelings - tries to block them but they get through and overwhelm her, etc.  

i thought those were "out there" kinds of things.  until i researched!  astrology, for example, i looked up her astrology chart and it said, in many different resources, that she actually is all those things.  same thing when i played around with her name and numerology - also said the same things about her.  fascinating, but creeped me out some more.

now, your question about the NC tipping them off?  sure, NC gives someone a clear msg that you're moving on or at least trying to.  but still, that doesn't explain, for me in my case at least, the timing of her reaching out to me... .how it so often co-incides with more than just "NC" but more with how i'm actually feeling/adjusting "inside myself"... .  and how could she know that?   

I have always been opened minded about these things until I met her, now I have no doubt, its creepy.

She knows when to contact me and when not to.