Broke NC

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Last night I was out my a friend when my phone went around 11. I noticed it was her number.

My mate had asked just 5 mins before what I would do if she text? I said delete her message without reading it.

However I looked at the message. She sent me a massive rant about me being on an online dating site. And the fact that I had put in my profile 'please no weirdos'

I broke no contact. She was expecting an argument, she loves that, but I acted nice and explained my position to her.

She continued to text me through the night and today says she wants to be my friend.

Im at the stage where I don't care anymore. I am at the stage where I can say I have moved on.

[strikeforce]

Last night I was out my a friend when my phone went around 11. I noticed it was her number.

My mate had asked just 5 mins before what I would do if she text? I said delete her message without reading it.

However I looked at the message. She sent me a massive rant about me being on an online dating site. And the fact that I had put in my profile 'please no weirdos'

I broke no contact. She was expecting an argument, she loves that, but I acted nice and explained my position to her.

She continued to text me through the night and today says she wants to be my friend.

Im at the stage where I don't care anymore. I am at the stage where I can say I have moved on.

[starshine]

I would respond to nothing more.  All it does is give her the opportunity to engage.   

[strikeforce]

She seems concerned that I may have met someone

[strikeforce]

Now shes telling me shes met a new guy

[PhoenixRising15]

can you see what is goin on here?

[DragoN]

Now shes telling me shes met a new guy

wish them luck.

She's playing a game to bait you back into texting her.

[strikeforce]

She saying shes happy and settled.

I text her saying that's great, im happy for you.

[strikeforce]

So what is her intention here?

[GlennT]

What is the difference between getting hit by an out of control razor scooter and a BPD mack truck? Keep moving forward. N.C...

[HarmKrakow]

What is the difference between getting hit by an out of control razor scooter and a BPD mack truck? Keep moving forward. N.C...

Either physically dead or brain dead.

Truth, I rather get hit by a out of control razor scooter than a BPD mack truck.

Truth be told even further, I wish I never met the BPD person in my life. Ever. I rather have staid single my entire life rather than having been with her.

[Ironmanrises]

Last night I was out my a friend when my phone went around 11. I noticed it was her number.

My mate had asked just 5 mins before what I would do if she text? I said delete her message without reading it.

However I looked at the message. She sent me a massive rant about me being on an online dating site. And the fact that I had put in my profile 'please no weirdos' lol

I broke no contact. She was expecting an argument, she loves that, but I acted nice and explained my position to her.

She continued to text me through the night and today says she wants to be my friend.

Im at the stage where I don't care anymore. I am at the stage where I can say I have moved on.

I can understand... .

Why you broke NC.

She baited you.

She got you to respond.

Any response... .

To a pwBPD in NC... .

Whether negative... .

Or positive... .

Is validation for them... .

And... .

A way... .

To get a foot in the gate... .

Of your NC wall.

Do not let them get that foot in the gate.

Manipulations will follow.

That is where... .

If your boundaries... .

Are not strong enough... .

Will leave you... .

Easily susceptible... .

To succumbing... .

To the successful re engagement... .

Which will only mean... .

Hurt for you... .

The non... .

At the end.

In bold.

That is the stalking behavior.

A pwBPD does not properly detach.

My exUBPDgf stalked me on Facebook... .

When I was just friends with her.

My exUBPDgf stalked me in NC period... .

After she left me first time.

Now in the NC period... .

After she left me the second time... .

Can we take a wild guess... .

Based on above mentioned behavior... .

If she is stalking me now... .?

Yes.

A part of the disorder.

Strike... .

Try and not reply... .

To any further... .

Inbound messages.

It is for your sanity.

It is for your well being.

NC is your barrier... .

To keep that person away from you.

I know it is not easy... .

By any stretch.

Hang in there buddy.

[DragoN]

So what is her intention here?

Validation. To know that you even think about her the 3 seconds that it required to respond. It's a game and a manipulation. When you are detached and not being pulled around by the heart strings, it can be a little bit funny. But if you are still emotionally caught up, it will hurt.

Truth be told even further, I wish I never met the BPD person in my life. Ever. I rather have staid single my entire life rather than having been with her.

Same. It was much nicer not having been run through the emotional meat grinder of the soul. I don't look at people and situations in quite the same light. Sad to lose that. At the same time, will protect from running into PD's in the future as well.

[starshine]

Truth be told even further, I wish I never met the BPD person in my life. Ever. I rather have staid single my entire life rather than having been with her.

It was much nicer not having been run through the emotional meat grinder of the soul. I don't look at people and situations in quite the same light. Sad to lose that. At the same time, will protect from running into PD's in the future as well.



Boy, both of these statements hit home.  I honestly wish I had never met my children's father and my last ex.  Both of these men really caused so much pain and destruction in my life.  I was single for 8 years after my baby daddy, knowing that I was attracted to toxic bad boys.  Then my uBPDexbf came along and mirrored me- I thought I was the luckiest woman alive to land such a wonderful man!  After what he did at the end of our relationship, I am no longer the same person.  I don't interact with my community the same, nor do I want to.  It's very sad. 

I have limited contact with my children's father, and my baby turns 18 soon.  At the end of this school year I will be done relating with baby-daddy, except for the rare occasions moving forward.  Maybe I won't have to see him before I'm a grandma... .I can only hope.  Then I can really be NC.

[DragoN]

After what he did at the end of our relationship, I am no longer the same person.  I don't interact with my community the same, nor do I want to.  It's very sad.

Battle that too. Next year I will push myself. Now? Take my time.

[GreenMango]

Last night I was out my a friend when my phone went around 11. I noticed it was her number.

My mate had asked just 5 mins before what I would do if she text? I said delete her message without reading it.

However I looked at the message. She sent me a massive rant about me being on an online dating site. And the fact that I had put in my profile 'please no weirdos'

I broke no contact. She was expecting an argument, she loves that, but I acted nice and explained my position to her.

She continued to text me through the night and today says she wants to be my friend.

Im at the stage where I don't care anymore. I am at the stage where I can say I have moved on.

Unfortunately when you get into a relationships like these and then breakup trying to uncode the language and dynamic is maddening.  Getting drug into it can really set you back and it straight up can be painful.

Trying to detach and not take it personally takes some mindfulness and to exercise some skills.  If you look at motivations - both hers and yours.  Hers it looks like a proof scenario - she saw the weirdo part and your dating thing.  It's about proving to herself she isn't that person.  She'll prove it she's happy and with someone.  This doesn't have anything to do with you and it doesn't change your reality or prove anything. 

But you got looped into her ridiculous proof scenario here... .and its not something either of you are gonna be to prove.  She has her version and you have yours - you are entitled to yours BTW. 

These are circular arguments ... .And conflict is still attention as demented as it seems.

How can you extricate yourself from this?  And its good to look at our motivations - what do you hope to get out of engaging with her?

[HarmKrakow]

Truth be told even further, I wish I never met the BPD person in my life. Ever. I rather have staid single my entire life rather than having been with her.

It was much nicer not having been run through the emotional meat grinder of the soul. I don't look at people and situations in quite the same light. Sad to lose that. At the same time, will protect from running into PD's in the future as well.



Boy, both of these statements hit home.  I honestly wish I had never met my children's father and my last ex.  Both of these men really caused so much pain and destruction in my life.  I was single for 8 years after my baby daddy, knowing that I was attracted to toxic bad boys.  Then my uBPDexbf came along and mirrored me- I thought I was the luckiest woman alive to land such a wonderful man!  After what he did at the end of our relationship, I am no longer the same person.  I don't interact with my community the same, nor do I want to.  It's very sad. 

I told this to my ex BPD.

She went like; Boo-hiting-hoo... .stop pointing the finger at me? You don't feel the same anymore? That's not my problem. Stop drowning in self pity and do something with your life...

I told her often that she has no idea what she does to people.

However, my therapist agrees, I have changed, Harm isnt' Harm anymore. He feels I am not to blame for that.

[ucmeicu2]

She continued to text me through the night and today says she wants to be my friend.

Im at the stage where I don't care anymore. I am at the stage where I can say I have moved on.

that sounds awesome!  so, is there something standing in your way of sending one last text saying to her exactly what you said to us:  "Im at the stage where I don't care anymore. I am at the stage where I can say I have moved on."  and... then... move... on... ?

don't respond to any more texts, don't even read them, just delete; don't answer calls, don't listen to voicemails, just delete.  how does that sound to you?  do-able?

icu2

[strikeforce]

She continued to text me through the night and today says she wants to be my friend.

Im at the stage where I don't care anymore. I am at the stage where I can say I have moved on.

that sounds awesome!  so, is there something standing in your way of sending one last text saying to her exactly what you said to us:  "Im at the stage where I don't care anymore. I am at the stage where I can say I have moved on."  and... then... move... on... ?

don't respond to any more texts, don't even read them, just delete; don't answer calls, don't listen to voicemails, just delete.  how does that sound to you?  do-able?

icu2

I did that last week. Im happy, time to move on etc.

After 7 days of NC she texts me, even after she said she had deleted my number and that she was gone forever.

Shes text me more in the last 24 hours than in the last 24 weeks of our relationship

[strikeforce]

Thanks everyone 

She told me about her new man in a way to get a response from me. I told her that was great news.

But she seems more interested in who I am seeing and talking to.

If shes happy and settled why is she texting me so much?

[strikeforce]

IMF 

Did you stay friends with your ex after the first breakup? Then get back with her later on?

[Ironmanrises]

Strike... .

In round 1... .

My exUBPDgf tried to whittle... .

The relationship down to friends/relationship... .

But... .

Would not come out and say it directly... .

She kept the lines blurry.

So i could not pin it on her later.

(Manipulation)

Silent treatment quickly followed.

Then another RAGE at discard.

She returned to me 3 months later.

Begging and crying... .

"I want my man back... ."

[strikeforce]

Im thinking that my situation might be heading in a similar direction

[Ironmanrises]

Resist it... .

With all of your might my friend.

She is stalking you.

A precursor... .

Of future re engagements.

Also gives the pwBPD... .

The perfect angle... .

From which... .

To come at you with.

Since i removed myself... .

From facebook/instagram... .

After second discard... .

She has no idea at all... .

Of what i am doing... .

And what not.

She knew based on my instagram(it was public)... .

That i had started... .

Moving on(healing)... .

When she started the intrusions... .

Which led to the direct text re engagement... .

Followed by... .

17 more texts from her... .

The next morning.

And then i caved.

Stay strong strike.

[strikeforce]

What do you think she was hoping for when she told me she was settled with a new guy?

Why the need to be 'best mates' with her?

[Ironmanrises]

To hurt you.

With maximum damage... .

On you.

So in case... .

It doesnt work out... .

With the new person... .

(You know it wont)... .

She can come back to you.

Also... .

As a way of staying connected to you... .

(I hate you, dont leave me)... .

Also... .

A pwBPD does not properly detach... .

From the non.

They dont grieve... .

The end of the relationship.

(Thus they never left it it to begin with)... .

Hence... .

The re engagements... .

When they keep returning.

Ultimately... .

All of that will only hurt the non... .

Us.

You.

Me.

[strikeforce]

So she wants to hurt me but also keep me there incase she wants me back?

Its truly bizarre isn't it

I know for a fact she wasn't expecting me to take it all so well.

She knew I was moving on. She knows I have moved on, well beyond ever wanting the nightmare back.

[Ironmanrises]

So she wants to hurt me but also keep me there incase she wants me back?

Its truly bizarre isn't it

I know for a fact she wasn't expecting me to take it all so well.

She knew I was moving on. She knows I have moved on, well beyond ever wanting the nightmare back.

In bold.

Yes.

That is... .

"I hate you... .

Don't leave me... ."

The contradiction... .

From hell.

The contradiction... .

That has... .

Catastrophic consequences... .

On the person... .

Who gets closest to them... .

The non.

We do not operate like that.

Bizarre... .

Yes.

She wasn't expecting you... .

To take it so well... .

Because that means... .

You are not operating... .

According to the script... .

That  her disorder... .

Compels her... .

To operate on.

She will try and re engage you again... .

Do not let your guard down.

A slight shift... .

In the wall of NC... .

Is all that is needed... .

For a manipulation... .

To flow through.

Keep healing my friend.

Keep her away from you.

 

[strikeforce]

She would have expected me, like most of her exs, to freak out at the idea she's with another guy. She may or may not be with anyone.

If I had freaked out she would have got what she wanted, drama, an argument, another opportunity to rage and tell me I'm no good for her, possessive etc.

I told her something last night that used to always scare her. I told her I was going out with friends. She hated the idea I would meet someone else.

Today she's being all nice asking If I had a good night, if I met anyone

[Ironmanrises]

All of that... .

That you mention... .

Is validation... .

For her... .

Whether negative... .

Or positive.

Try and resist... .

Any further replies to her.

Her presence... .

To you... .

Will erode... .

You from underneath.

Almost like waves... .

Constantly... .

Eroding away... .

A wall... .

That is placed... .

In its way.

It is why I do not want... .

Any kind of exchange... .

With my exUBPDgf.

Her intrusions... .

Are overwhelming... .

To me.

Literally.

Swamps me.

My radio silence... .

Is my last defense.

And as you can see... .

She is searching... .

To get me to surface.

To destroy me... .

Ultimately.

[strikeforce]

It seems they don't like it when you appear to have moved on.

NC for me again