Since this is Personal Inventory, I'll ask why you think you're still replaying these conversations over in your head? Do you feel you owe friends an explanation? Or is this more a way for you to try to process the relationship and break up?
breifcase, thanks for the question! i thought this thread was maybe dead
so, apparently it mattered a lot to me not just what friends thought of the whole situation, but that my ex would be spreading lies about me. the two big ones that i think affected me most was that she told a few people i was cheating on her, also that i was emotionally abusive. the other lie i later came to find out is how she would hide the fact that we still communicated post-breakup -- basically i realized she would be flirting with me during this time or even saying that she loved and wanted to be with me at one point but then amongst mutual friends or neighbors saying that she hadn't even spoken to me (when she had actually initiated contact). i don't really care about her friends, but just the people that she knows only because of me, people whose opinions and friendships i value.
overall i feel like i can overreact sometimes b/c i just didn't know what/if she was saying anything. so it took several months, but over time i reconnected with friends and found about the lies about cheating and what not, however it wasn't the worst thing that could have happened so i'm
thankful.
i think a lot of why it means much to me is that i really try hard to act with integrity and character. and this is what i value in others. and well i guess it makes me feel uncomfortable to think that friends of mine would have this skewed view of who i am--that i am secretly a liar, cheater, angry/abusive person who puts on a front; when in reality this is exactly her.
i'm feeling safer now, don't really feel like much more damage will be done, so i realize that these mental conversations i keep having aren't so necessary any longer to protect me--but maybe they are just reinforcing my boundaries to keep away? my practice now is trying to become aware of these convos before getting too far into them, so that i don't waste a lot of time unnecessarily.
i hope this answers your questions briefcase but also i'm a little unsure? i would say that i do feel like i owe my friends an explanation and also this is all in some way processing the r/s and breakup. i'm really glad i got to talk with a couple friends a few months ago... .just needed to get things off my chest, had a pretty depressing 3 days or so thereafter, but since then it kind of felt like being... .cleansed or baptized maybe? it just feels good to get the thoughts outside of my head...
