A success story (2 years later)

[Sword]

Hello everyone, I never come to this site anymore so I am sure no one here knows me any more (I hope!) I had a post like this about a year ago, and came to leave another here as an inspiration IT CAN BE DONE!

The short story (if you care about the long, look into my past posts I created) is that I was a virgin through my early 20s, and got involved in a very promiscuous BPD girl 'friend' from college who I fell in love with for about 9 months of what would turn into hell.  I had everything you guys suffer from, the highs, the lows, the rage, the 'love'. 

I remember how UTTERLY mind-consuming it would be, I would work all day and the only thing that mattered is if I had a text from her.  Or I would count the days so painful by last time I heard from her push-pull etc.

I am not going to keep this long unless someone wants details, but know when you do decide to pull out there are likely going to be a lot of 'attempts' at leaving, you need to make a strong 'this time is it' push that you will forever know that was the time.  Those days leading up to you leaving, and the days after will be hell, trust me I went through it.

You wonder 'did I do the right thing'? Did she really love me?  How will she not kill herself with me?

I cried a lot, and I am not emotional.

The doubt and question does not leave for at least a month.  YOU MUST REMAIN VIGILANT.

But you know what happens on the other side?  Clarity, and relief.  I remember thinking 'wow, I sure was in a really really bad place with her, I am so glad it is over.'  Even for about 3 months I still thought about her every day, but the obsession from their addiction they give us slowly died.  I actually rarely think about her, like less than once a week.  It is no longer in the insanity-inducing way either simply a 'well, good riddance' no different than other people in my past.


In closing, in your heart if you know you need to leave, know there have been others before you.  It is not easy, but it can be done, and it gets better.  IT GETS SOO MUCH BETTER.  My life was an emotional hell during that time period, and now I am so much more calm, and I look at life with renewed happiness.  You can do it.  I did it, and so have others.

[hopealways]

Thank you SO MUCH for this! I hope more people read this - it is rare that people return to write success stories and this is exactly what we need to remain positive.

Great to hear you are doing so well.  I am sure she is still going through her same cycles.

[Surnia]

Thank you so much for sharing this, sword.

And great you found peace and emotional healing. 

[SeekerofTruth]

thanks for sharing sword.

[DragoN]

Thank you Sword. Gives me hope for relief some day.

[ogopogodude]

 I was told by medical physicians that there really is zero hope for BPD's . So, what about this: www.clearviewwomenscenter.com/category/treatment-success-stories

is this just wishful thinking.

[Knowingishalf]

As someone 4 days from stepping out I needed to see this!

[ShadowDancer]

I was told by medical physicians that there really is zero hope for BPD's . So, what about this: www.clearviewwomenscenter.com/category/treatment-success-stories

is this just wishful thinking.

They are selling a "product" IMHO. Just like most things in the capitalistic world... .it's a jippo! Trust your Doctors in that they are in part correct. This place may be a staring off point but successful DBT techniques and healing takes extended "long term" and arduous effort... .not a month at a catered resort.

[Sword]

Its painful for me to come back here actually, I see a lot of pain in these people that I once held.  Where we (I) held onto any LITTLE scrap of attention, oh that smile, or that text or that email, THEY MUST LOVE US RIGHT?

Its painful seeing post after post like this, it really is, it reminds me of the chaos I went through.  It was always one step away from leaving her, or one step away from wanting to drop everything to be with her.  THIS IS WHAT THEY DO TO US.  We come here and if we 'only had a little more information', what about this thing she did, what about that she said... .what about... .

This is the self-created chaos.  It does not help us get out, because anything will drag us back.  We addict ourselves with their 'intermittent reinforcement' (research that term if you dont know it, because it is what happens to us) until either 1: its years later and we are still waiting for some condition to come to pass 'if she does this' or 'if this happens than I... .' and the irony is nothing changes, or 2: you see what a nightmare your life has become, and that it WILL NEVER GET BETTER with this person, and as hard as it is, you have to leave.

The biggest problem so many people here have (and I know because I had it) is CARING ABOUT THE OTHER, (these ^^^ posts) as typified by having 'hope' for them.  You can not care, because the more of you that cares, the more of you that wont actually want to leave, the more of you that is not really committed.

I am not saying things I have not gone through myself, I cried so many times.  But you really just have to bite the bullet and do it.

Look guys (and girls) I am a success story, it dredges up a few bad memories coming back here, but I want to be that 'one more piece of information' we so endlessly seek.  You can get out, and it is soo much better in a few months.  Trust me.

As a famous song goes "I'm gonna harden my heart... .I'm gonna swallow my tears~"

[ShadowDancer]

"Bite the bullet", "Suck it up", ":)eal with it", "This too will pass". All true, all reality. Life is not always "fair". "Count your blessings".

Sword Thank you for coming back and doing the "play it foward". Very honorable and decent of you. "It is what it is"... .