Physical ailments associated with BPD?

[Depression = 72% of members]

When we were in the devalue stage of our relationship, my uBPDexgf began having severe stomach problems, vomiting in the middle of the night (she actually thought she was pregnant), panic attacks and she would get a burning sensation in her ears and the tip of her nose. I am wondering, has anyone else had an experience like this where your pwBPD would have somatic illness associated with the devaluation or discard stage? Is this common?

[DownandOut]

When we were in the devalue stage of our relationship, my uBPDexgf began having severe stomach problems, vomiting in the middle of the night (she actually thought she was pregnant), panic attacks and she would get a burning sensation in her ears and the tip of her nose. I am wondering, has anyone else had an experience like this where your pwBPD would have somatic illness associated with the devaluation or discard stage? Is this common?

[Turkish]

When we were in the devalue stage of our relationship, my uBPDexgf began having severe stomach problems, vomiting in the middle of the night (she actually thought she was pregnant), panic attacks and she would get a burning sensation in her ears and the tip of her nose. I am wondering, has anyone else had an experience like this where your pwBPD would have somatic illness associated with the devaluation or discard stage? Is this common?

Mine had hypochondriac tendencies, though not as bad as some. The thing that scares me is that I am starting to see them in our S3! I try to nip it in the bud now, but at 3? Seriously? "If it ain't bleedin' or broken, it ain't worth cryin' over. And then, not so much, unless it's spurtin'."

[fiddlestix]

My diagnosed bipolar/borderline ex wife had some issues toward the end of our time together.  During some horribly toxic times she would suffer from a mysterious rash all over her body.  Red bumps and itching, with no apparent cause, would afflict her entire body.  She blamed it on stress.  I think it was the massive amount of deception and betrayal leaching out of her soul.  I believe psychosomatic responses can occur in such cases.

Fiddlestix

[Oliolioxenfree]

Mine had exceptionally high blood pressure for most of the time we were together and had started to develop migraines towards the last 3 months of our relationship he also developed possible cancerous lesions in his throat the month we broke up.

I didnt stick around for his diagnosis. 

[Learning_curve74]

She was sick often when she was in the inbetween stage of cutting off her previous ex and solidifying the relationship with me. I'm not sure how much of it was due to lowered immune system due to alcohol and drug abuse tho. She was much healthier the last month before I left, but she did suffer insomnia which I believe was due partially to the anxiety of always wondering when I'd drop her a$$.

[DownandOut]

She was sick often when she was in the inbetween stage of cutting off her previous ex and solidifying the relationship with me. I'm not sure how much of it was due to lowered immune system due to alcohol and drug abuse tho. She was much healthier the last month before I left, but she did suffer insomnia which I believe was due partially to the anxiety of always wondering when I'd drop her a$$.

Amazing! Mine began to experience these physical symptoms very strongly when she was basically cutting me off and jumping into a relationship with my replacement. This disorder is so crazy!   

[KE151]

Headaches, back aches, sinusitis, sore ears, upset stomach.

Many times these appeared just before a push period, or were used later as reasons for bad behavior.

[rags_and_feathers]

The way I understand it, a lot of the physical problems are results of a body that is almost as dysregulated as a BPD mind -- the bodily systems are exhausted from constant over-activation, and that causes a lot of chronic, stress-related illnesses.  The physical symptoms are real, and based in the body,  but the ways they are used to manipulate others/excuse behavior/ etc. are tied into the mental/emotional piece of the disorder.

[Lucky Jim]

Well said, r&f.  I'm sure the stress does cause a lot of physical symptoms which may or may not be psychosomatic, but seem real to the pwBPD.  One time when my Ex was having stomach issues I went to a Dr. appointment with her, at her request, and afterwards asked the Dr. what I could do to help.  He replied, don't come to these appointments!  Nothing was wrong and I'm sure he suspected my Ex was just looking for attention, which is pretty typical for a pwBPD.  Lucky Jim

[Iwalk-Heruns]

Headaches, back aches, sinusitis, sore ears, upset stomach.

Many times these appeared just before a push period, or were used later as reasons for bad behavior.

Mine had constant sinusitis, back problems, knee problems, stomach problems, headaches, problems with muscles in hand, sleep apnea, tired a lot and he is a big strapping healthy looking guy who looks young for his age. Always wondered the connection. I have read somewhere there is.  Also extreme anxiety issues where he somewhat abuses xanax. I have also done research and xanax is one of the worst things you can take for BPD. It Has a paradoxical effect. More anxiety, more anger... .

[Century2012]

Mine had deep vein thrombosis. For real! No has blood clots in his lungs!

[Hazelrah]

Also extreme anxiety issues where he somewhat abuses xanax. I have also done research and xanax is one of the worst things you can take for BPD. It Has a paradoxical effect. More anxiety, more anger... .

Interesting... .I never heard about the adverse effects Xanax might cause for BPDs.  The first of two docs that diagnosed my wife also prescribed Xanax for her, so this is obviously a red flag regarding the physician's capability for treating BPD.  My wife generally used it to help her sleep, and I didn't really notice any issues with her use, though she did grow to depend on it a bit more than she should.  I did encourage her to skip some nights in an effort to ensure she didn't develop any real physical dependence.  She eventually discontinued using it altogether. 

[suffering_parent]

Mine had deep vein thrombosis. For real! No has blood clots in his lungs!

Hilarious mine thinks she has nonstop blood clots going to her heart.   Always has heart pain from it.   Sad thing is she taught kids this.  Anytime she had pain she would drink an ounce of alchohol or rub it on her legs.   She thought it thinned her blood and stopped the clot.

[rags_and_feathers]

I couldn't tell from Century's post if the deep vein thrombosis in her ex was real, or imagined.  (Not sure if that "no" was a typo, or not).   

Mine had all sorts of health problems, too -- part of the reason she weaseled her way into my sympathy so easily, since I am a chronic illness sufferer myself (I had Lyme disease that wasn't treated when I first got infected, so I have some lasting problems from that). 

The thing is, chronic, prolonged activation of the stress systems in the body does cause real and lasting changes to the immune system, and to just about every other bodily system too. If one is subjected to early, prolonged stress and  trauma (which most BPD folks were), the body develops in a state of chronic stress, and that does cause real, physical problems.  So, my take on it is that the pain and suffering is very physical, and very real, for a lot of these people. Add to that, the pain-relay systems in the body seem to get about as dysregulated as the emotional relay systems, so the sensation of pain becomes hugely magnified.

The problem is that when you have a BPD person, what would be a minor event to a non, often becomes a HUGE event.  Take, for example, the splinter that my ex got in her foot, as we were getting ready to go to a concert.  WOW, the world is ending, she has a splinter in her heel!  Drop everything! Everyone needs to cancel going to the concert so we can take her to the EMERGENCY ROOM to get the SPLINTER OUT OF HER HEEL!   (I didn't cancel going, btw, and somehow, miraculously, she managed to go too).

It makes it hard to know when something is serious, and when it isn't. Often any hint of disbelief on my part (real or imagined), or of thinking that she was blowing something out of proportion, brought on a rage.

The really sad part is that these people then get labeled as hypochondriacs, and aren't taken seriously when something actually does go wrong in the body.  And for non-BPD people, who have difficult-to-diagnose or chronic illnesses, it isn't uncommon to have their symptoms blown off as being imaginary, because doctors are quick to label invisible symptoms as "psychosomatic."  It's a mess!

I do have to say that the "alcohol on the legs" cure for "blood clots" is a pretty creative one, and that gave me a chuckle.

[Ironmanrises]

Mine told me... .

Towards the end of idealization... .

That her skin... .

Was becoming so sensitive... .

That me merely touching her... .

Would cause it to feel... .

Like it was burning her.

Also complained of various ailments... .

Headaches... .

Migraines... .

Irritable bowl syndrome... .

Which increased... .

In devaluation.

Not that having headaches... .

And IBS... .

Signifies BPD... .

It doesn't... .

I know.

But it increased significantly... .

In that time period.

[rags_and_feathers]

All of those conditions are stress-mediated -- and during devaluation, our partners tell us about their pains a lot more than they do during idealization, I think.  It's yet another guilt inducing, sympathy inducing way to get what they are needing.   

[DownandOut]

Headaches, back aches, sinusitis, sore ears, upset stomach.

Many times these appeared just before a push period, or were used later as reasons for bad behavior.

Mine had constant sinusitis, back problems, knee problems, stomach problems, headaches, problems with muscles in hand, sleep apnea, tired a lot and he is a big strapping healthy looking guy who looks young for his age. Always wondered the connection. I have read somewhere there is.  Also extreme anxiety issues where he somewhat abuses xanax. I have also done research and xanax is one of the worst things you can take for BPD. It Has a paradoxical effect. More anxiety, more anger... .

Mine also liked xanax, although I wasn't sure how she got it and I'm pretty sure she couldn't get it on a consistent basis since she didn't have a prescription. Also, she would take serotonin (5-HTP) every day.

[DownandOut]

Mine told me... .

Towards the end of idealization... .

That her skin... .

Was becoming so sensitive... .

That me merely touching her... .

Would cause it to feel... .

Like it was burning her.

Also complained of various ailments... .

Headaches... .

Migraines... .

Irritable bowl syndrome... .

Which increased... .

In devaluation.

Not that having headaches... .

And IBS... .

Signifies BPD... .

It doesn't... .

I know.

But it increased significantly... .

In that time period.

My experience was very similar. She began complaining of stomach pains when devaluation started and as the relationship got deeper,the stomach pains became more frequent. Then the vomiting in the middle of the night, making sure that I woke up with her to listen to her puke. In the later stages of devaluation, and ultimately discard, she had frequent stomach pain (every day) and she started having panic attacks and weird physical problems associated with those attacks. There has to be a reason for all of that?    

[Sluggo]

My dBPDw has had her appendix, gall bladder, tounsils, adnoids, vein stripping  2 times each leg, and has had had multiple cortisone hits in her back all in a span of 8 years all for pain reasons.  She doesnt take the pain medicine but more than a couple days after each surgery- so it is not to get the meds.  I think she feels very soothed by the attention she gets from the docotr and people who come t I her aid.  I can see her spirits lift up during these times.   About 3 years ago finally a  doctor said that there isnt anything else that ciuld be wrong except that u are depressed or it is mental. 

[suffering_parent]

What is interesting after BPDw got with a new man magically all her physical ailments stopped.

She gave up on doctors and ER visits after a number of years.  They caught on and wanted to treat her for mental problems.  So she started going to non-traditional medicine.   I am pretty sure they knew she was nuts, but had no problem taking my money laughing to the bank.

[momtara]

Yes, he said it was IBS.  Always tummy stuff, always seemed to get worse before we were going to meet friends or go on a trip or go to marriage counseling or basically when he was angry at me.  I'm sure some of it was stress and some was real and some was just him making excuses.

[UmbrellaBoy]

So interesting that fiddlestix mentioned a rash... .

My guy displayed hypochondria when under BPD relation-related stress, during "crisis" moments where his abandonment and/or engulfment fears would set in towards me and/or his ex. Sometimes he'd freak out and leave him for me, or me for him; would push him to pull me and vice versa. It often felt like he set things up as a triangle so that he never got too attached to either of us and so that when he felt like he was getting in "too deep" with one of us, could use the fear of losing the other as an "out" to prevent the engulfment. It was odd, it was almost like he strategically used his abandonment fears to "balance" his engulfment fears by suspending himself in the tension between two of us like that.

Anyway, lots of hypochondria, yes. He'd say he "felt unwell" and report vague physical symptoms during these stressful moments for him like a headache, stomach ache, sore throat, fatigue. He would then be terrified that it was some fatal illness, especially HIV (which specifically seems connected to sexual guilt and gay-related ambivalence) and seek out several different doctors' opinions etc etc.

Specifically, during this last crisis (which lasted several months of devaluing me until he finally broke free of me again to go back to the ex) he had a rash or eczema that he broke out in. It may have really just been related to his allergies (he had a lot) or just some other cause (lots of people get minor eczema like that) but I also think now there is a big chance it was purely stress-related or psychosomatic related to the relationship freak-out again.

Either way, whatever the cause, he interpreted it again in a terrified fashion, thought it might be HIV (though he is not high risk at all; he's only been with me and the ex in the past four years, and didn't do any high-risk activity with either of us... .), went to a bunch of doctors, tried to cut out gluten (but only did it for 10 days and then decided it wasn't that, even though to see results you'd have to try abstaining for at least 6-8 weeks), told me he had prepared a letter for his family in case he was dying. It all seemed absurd to me.

When I later learned about BPD, I thought that hypochondria under stress like this probably fulfills the conditions for symptom 9: "Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation"

[starshine]

The last year of our relationship found him cycling through IBS, panic attacks, depression, back pain, stomach pain.  Within 2 months after we broke up he had his gall bladder removed.  I don't know if he's any better, in any way- but I can almost bet you that he's not.

[rags_and_feathers]

Really great observations about the stress related paranoid ideation, UmbrellaBoy -- it sounds like that is exactly what is going on with your ex. 

[Lucky Jim]

I think that, on some subconscious level, my BPDxW "enjoyed" it when she was in poor health, because it brought her attention and sympathy.  Yet she cried wolf so many times that eventually I took her health concerns with a grain of salt, so this approach ultimately yielded diminishing returns in terms of attention and sympathy.

Luck Jim

[Oracle]

Mine was losing weight, cracking teeth through grinding, stomach pains and head aches... .all my fault of course.

[Bit Lost]

Wow! Reading all this is very insightful my ex suffered from everything too... .ibs, stomach pains, neuralgia, constantly had a cold, tonsillitis, headaches, toothaches, muscle aches... .I could go on... .he lost a tremendous amount of weight in such a short space of time too I'd say he was around 11 and a half stone when I met him and he looked good, very attractive, he was never fussy about his food and how much he ate (although he's a vegetarian) but now he's got very picky with what he eats and has lost around the 2 stone mark... .I don't even want to know what he looks like as I've not seen him in such a long time albeit to say I think he has an eating disorder... .no I don't think he has an eating disorder I KNOW he has.

[Emelie Emelie]

This is interesting.  My xBF did have a lot of physical ailments.  But the last few weeks of our rs, why he was pushing me away hard, he had terrible neck and shoulder pain.  Debilitating.  It could have been all the stress and confusion he was feeling about the rs.  He's all better now. 

[monqui]

Wow... .again just so blown away by the similarity of symptoms amongst folks. My ex broke out in rashes, seemed to hurt herself a lot, would obsess over eating & body issues, and had a major breakdown after breaking a bone. I know broken bones cause a lot of pain but I've never seen anyone wail like this & I've seen people in great pain from serious disease & accidents. This also begs another question:

Do BPDs sometimes not react well at all to painkillers? I've been wondering if the painkillers initiated a major long rage period as the timing matches up. It could also be related to subsequent lack of exercise & work distraction after injury.

[SweetCharlotte]

Haven't seen this one yet in the thread, despite all the tummy problems:

diverticulosis/diverticulitis

My uBPDh recently had a couple inches of his large intestine removed. The doc said it was all out of shape and useless. Stuff was getting impacted in there and infected, sending him to the hospital once a year. The cause? Well, the predisposition is hereditary, but all the yoyo-ing on his food intake and weight has got to be the main cause. He binges on high-sugar and fatty foods; his weight can range from close to normal to just over the line into obesity. When he binges he will eat a huge quantity in one sitting, then hibernate for a full day.