to sleep with or not?

[eyvindr]

ShadowDancer --

Still -- pretty awesome that you walked away. Good for you.

e.

[sandym]

hi guys

i am a woman who has just 'detached' from another woman who has BPD.

Yup sex is very tempting, as it is so good... .but

it is definitely the hook that will draw you in.  We are talking again after I ended it a few weeks ago, but I can see that from one discussion she believes 'all will be ok'... and it definitely wont!

Dont have sex guys, woman are more manipulative that you could imagine

sandy m

[ShadowDancer]

ShadowDancer --

Still -- pretty awesome that you walked away. Good for you.

e.

Thank you. That felt very good reading that.

I did care deeply for the person. I wanted to be chivalrous and be my usual white knight self. I was attempting some kind of rational closure to the relationship that seemed to me so very unrepairable at the time. And also in addition after all of her stories about being "used just for sex" I had a instinctual bad feeling about her offer. I suppose in the looking back I was seeking that elusive "closure" that was not to be. Now after over a year of NC I feel good about and awesome in my conduct as well. Thanx again.

[Century2012]

Sirens of Homer. Be strong.

[fakename]

there's been a lot of talk about sex not meaning anything to the BPD on this thread, and it brought up a question of curiosity... .

i dont see how that can be true if the BPD is going around telling people how they think they're in love, etc, how can the BPD not feel that same way when they are with the person and able being physically affectionate? especially when thats their intention... .i compare that to other girls i've known and i'll point out an example of say my ex as well as another girl i knew... they both would tell me they would get wet when they were around me... .i dont see how the resulting sex from that would mean nothing to the other person, BPD or not... .

maybe i'm wrong, but i would need further evidence to tell me the sex didnt mean anything... .maybe it did in the beginning and then when i wasnt the knight in shining armor maybe then it just turned into her just seeking orgasms... .i dont know... .


but to answer your question, no way is it worth going back to her for sex... .its just not worth it the after effects... .you can lie and tell yourself you can treat it as just sex and it wont mean anything to you, but that won't be the case... .theres much more to just the sex, its the time spent together around the sex when she's presenting her perfect/fake image

[2pts]

I'm so weak.

I gave into the "I want you to hold me" after 3 days of nc, which I broke myself, before her.

I made the 40 minute drive for what I wasn't sure. Maybe a booty call, maybe a snuggle session, maybe a get back together session.

So we ended up having the crazy long sex, after her big O, I O'd. Well in the past it was always inside her. ( we have probably had sex well over a thousand times) I decided to pull out.

Wholly poop did that ever send her into a rage. So what do I do? Well a replay with her ending in the morning.

What the heck is wrong with me? Oh yeah, she tells me two therapists (hers) have diagnosed me with narcissist disorder, I have never seen them. My therapist who has spent,guessing here, 20 hours with me says no way.

I asked her why she thinks she has become so frequent at raging lately, she says it's me.

I feel like massaging my forehead with a brick wall. (Not literally).

[fakename]

dont beat yourself up too much... .

it happened, nothing to gain from dwelling on that, but just figure out what you can learn from that and what your next course of action should be... .

i know i've gone back to my ex when i knew i shouldnt have... .i'm even sure she came to me when she knew she shouldnt have... .

i think its just important to figure out what you want... and to decide that with a clear head... .

dont beat yourself up... .___ happens... just take next steps...

[winston72]

4815162342…she lied about the cookies!  Not that is a boundary violation that cannot be tolerated.  At least you have this as a historical guidepost. 

[havana]

Your user name is "bruisedbattered." I'm guessing that there was a reason that you picked it! Try and remember how you came to call yourself that.

[winston72]

Havana!  Well said.  Case closed!

[eyvindr]

2pts --

Wait, now... .this --

What the heck is wrong with me? Oh yeah, she tells me two therapists (hers) have diagnosed me with narcissist disorder, I have never seen them. My therapist who has spent,guessing here, 20 hours with me says no way.

WOW. Do they all have "two therapists" who, without knowing us from Adam's housecat, is able to DX us with personality disorders? No lie. Same. Exact. Words. from my ex.

Thank GOD for this site. For reading and understanding and posting myself hundreds of times -- "dx'ing personality disorders is difficult, even for professionals!" And, one of the therapists she claims said this is one that we saw together a few times -- and I like her, and am sure she'd never make some fly-off-the-handle unprofessional statement like that. Sure -- she may have said something, based on my ex's distorted version of reality, like -- "if all of that really is happening, he could have some kind of mental illness" -- which she immediately interpreted as "Yes! Validation from a professional! I am innocent! He is abusive! and bipolar! and narcissistic! Yay! Thank you!"

Crazy-making for sure.

[Clearmind]

Bruised, there are many facets to good sex and the act is only a mere portion of it. Yes the acts provides instant gratification, those endorphins make you feel great then you crash like you are coming down from an hour long candy binge.

If you follow through it will be short term gain for long term pain. It will do nothing to help you move forward and in fact will only keep you back where you are. Fear can often cause us to be impulsive – it’s easier to give in than not! It’s the easy road because all it does it avoid the real issue…that is…she is disordered and can never give you the relationship you deserve.

Ask yourself what you fear? And what you trying to mask by being impulsive with no promise of anything but instant gratification.

On the flipside some of us “go back” in whatever capacity because we innately believe that we will never get another like them, we are destined to be on or own forever – none of this is true however it’s your negative self talk that is crushing us at this point.

Think with your mind my friend and as Havana said – remind yourself of the devastation ahead if you go through with it and how that devastation cycle will repeat itself every single time you engage with her – in whatever capacity.

[bruisedbattered]

Thanks for all the advice, and shared experiences.    I have been maitaining NC in person, but have replied with simple, non emotional txt messages of encouragement for her and therapy.    However, I think she might be stalking me... .   Last night, 5 minutes after I got home, she called and txted me if it was possible for me to go outside... .     Ive blocked her calls, so can only see txts.   I briefly answered "Sorry, no"  and that I wasnt ready, and have my own anger issues to deal with.   She said she understood.    Well I think she knows the longer we dont have sex, the less control she has over me...    I too believe that this talk of therapy could just be another ploy to get her hooks into me.    I must be weary, vigilant, and realistic. 

"I want to live, I want to give, I've been a minor for a heart of gold.

It's these expressions, they never give. That keeps me searching for a heart of gold,

and Im getting old"   N.Young