Moving Day quetions- has anyone else experienced this?

[MyKryptonite]

So Monday I move. I am moving to a new town 45 minutes to an hour further away from my ex-UBPDGF. This has been causing some struggle and I have posted about it once already. But a thought came to me as I grabbed a short from the closet before going o pack up the garage. I was a shirt she had bought for me on a vacation she took a couple months after we started dating. It was one of those awesome gifts I loved that as we split up she referred to as one of my many 'parting gifts'. So the question/ thought is:

Has anyone else struggled wearing clothes, or using gifts that your ex- had bought for you? As soon as I saw the shirt I thought "Ya I like that shirt" as soon as it went on my heart hurt. I am still wearing it and is that masochistic, or necessary to desensitize, or both?  The only other option to wearing/using it is throwing it away. . . Right?

off to pack up the garage. 

[MyKryptonite]

And Thank You EVERYONE for the support It has hurt on occasion but sometimes you have to move through "Yucksville" to heal.

[Learning_curve74]

Hi MK, sorry it's such a hard time for you now. 

I have some framed pictures that I got from my exBPDgf. I can't look at them, and sometimes I even feel like smashing them with a hammer. Right now I can't look at them without feeling bad, so I put them away.

Did you keep wearing wearing the shirt for the rest of today? How did you feel about it later on? Maybe over time the significance will fade for you, who knows?

You don't necessarily have to wear it or throw it away (or donate it) right now. A third option could be that you just pack it away until a later time when you're not feeling so hurt.

[ShadowDancer]

 Man I was so disordered for a time myself that I actually had her voice messages on my answering machine for over six months that I listened to on the occasions when I really wanted to whip my psyche.

I finally had enough of treating myself so badly. I removed EVERYTHING she was connected to in ANY WAY in my life and in my household and put it ALL in a trash bag out in the garage.

Then a week passed and finally "the day" came. It was trash pick up day. I erased the voice messages and ANYTHING and EVERYTHING connected to her went straight into the trash can, valuable or not, five minutes before the trash pickup truck arrived.

I remember the trash truck driver looking at me curiously as he pulled away. Me standing there with a big ol smile on my face as I waved to him like we were old friends. My heart was beating, my mind was clear, and I was thinking... .LIBERATION!

[MyKryptonite]

I have some framed pictures that I got from my exBPDgf. I can't look at them, and sometimes I even feel like smashing them with a hammer. Right now I can't look at them without feeling bad, so I put them away.

Did you keep wearing wearing the shirt for the rest of today? How did you feel about it later on? Maybe over time the significance will fade for you, who knows?

It's only been a little over 2 months since I saw her last which was ten minutes of hostility reinforcing my decision to end things a week prior. It took me a while to take down the pictures I had of her and for a while even though she "Unfriended" me I looked her up on Facebook just to see her picture there, even though I still have all the pictures of her on my FB account. I didn't watch a lot of TV before she and I got together, but I got hooked on a couple shows that I still watch sometimes painfully, because I enjoy them now that I am into them and it seems to be getting easier with each viewing. I am taking a break from packing to watch football and Yes I am still wearing the shirt. Still feeling heavy hearted, but most of my wardrobe was revamped when she and I started dating because she DEFINITELY had better fashion sense then I did. She bought me a lot of clothes for gifts for my birthday and on holidays. The items I wear regularly eventually desensitize. The shirt I put on today I have only worn once since we split. I'm not one to purge everything like shadowdancer mentioned, The "keepsakes I choose to keep remind me of the good times which is where I choose to focus. The double edged sword of that is the risk of minimizing the bad times and trying to reconnect. But that is part of who I am I focus on the good, of situations and people, and that is why I stayed as long as I did even with the signs. There was good in the relationship, and there definitely was/is good in her, but that in no way means I have to subject myself to the bad in her or the relationship. So much more to say, but I'll stop there now.

[ShadowDancer]

Respectfully,

                  I don't play with swords anymore. Especially double edged ones.

[Turkish]

So Monday I move. I am moving to a new town 45 minutes to an hour further away from my ex-UBPDGF. This has been causing some struggle and I have posted about it once already. But a thought came to me as I grabbed a short from the closet before going o pack up the garage. I was a shirt she had bought for me on a vacation she took a couple months after we started dating. It was one of those awesome gifts I loved that as we split up she referred to as one of my many 'parting gifts'. So the question/ thought is:

Has anyone else struggled wearing clothes, or using gifts that your ex- had bought for you? As soon as I saw the shirt I thought "Ya I like that shirt" as soon as it went on my heart hurt. I am still wearing it and is that masochistic, or necessary to desensitize, or both?  The only other option to wearing/using it is throwing it away. . . Right?

off to pack up the garage. 

I find burning things works well (no, I am not being psycho... check your local laws and ordinances before performing these feats, and take all necessary safety precautions).

I don't know about a shirt, but I have several pictures of us I took down from the wall in our room after I knew it was done (as she is still and will sleeping in another room). My X never really bought me things... .but the day she moves out, I will burn those pictures, safely. I will take a video and post it on youtube (no, probably not ;^)

That is after a friend, who has already agreed to stay with me and witness Moving Day for her, and I go on a marathon painting session of the living room and hallway. Change, like she changes her hair color all of the time. But mine won't be due to a lack of self worth. Exactly the opposite.

[MyKryptonite]

Respectfully,

                  I don't play with swords anymore. Especially double edged ones.

Taken in the spirit it was intended my friend, we all have our path to walk and lessons to learn, and we all have to cope and deal in the best way we can based on those lessons and what we learn and know of ourselves.

For me purging everything and not remembering the good times that were there would lead to my beating myself up worse for staying in as long as I did, for not seeing the signs clearly etc. Again What I know of Me. The time of course will come when some things are disposed of, but I will always have some keepsake to remind me of this time in my life, my life with her and the good parts.

[MyKryptonite]

I find burning things works well

I am planning on doing a lot of writing once I am in my new place getting everything out and then burning the papers in a little ceremony. Part of my challenge is that my ex helped re-awakened things in me that I love about myself that I had long ago buried. That is part of my motivation to desensitize, if I don't, then I have to let these parts of me go again because I will not be able to express them without thinking of her.

[marbleloser]

I threw everything away that my exW gave me. It was easy,because she never knew what I wanted. I'm jeans/tshirt/boots and she would buy me polo shirts.Nope! I also like barn coats,but she bought me a leather coat.WTH? I'm not a leather jacket guy!

And finally,a  bathrobe. Ummm,I don't have time to sit around in a robe,nor do I want to. I shower and dress.Done!

Your mileage may vary,but don't get hung up on "things". Buy things that YOU like and if she got you something you like,keep it.

[ShadowDancer]

Respectfully,

                 I don't play with swords anymore. Especially double edged ones.

Taken in the spirit it was intended my friend, we all have our path to walk and lessons to learn, and we all have to cope and deal in the best way we can based on those lessons and what we learn and know of ourselves.

For me purging everything and not remembering the good times that were there would lead to my beating myself up worse for staying in as long as I did, for not seeing the signs clearly etc. Again What I know of Me. The time of course will come when some things are disposed of, but I will always have some keepsake to remind me of this time in my life, my life with her and the good parts.

Thank you for your sense of humor. I do need to say this this not happen for me overnight. It was SIX MONTHS  that I had these "reminders" in place. Now my home feels like "my" home.

[MyKryptonite]

if she got you something you like,keep it.

Kind of my thoughts also, which is why I decided to wear this shirt today it definitely is something I would have bought for myself. My ex did pay attention to things that I liked. Bought them whether she could afford them or not, without my ever asking, and then threw it in my face as proof that she loved me more then I loved her, or that she was more committed to the relationship than I was, if I was to tired to jump when she said jump, and she said jump a lot, especially towards the end.