the worst comes out when your sick?

[suffering_parent]

Sick this weekend and having bad memories.    My BPD wife would be at her worst when I was sick.   I could be in bed dying and she would be screaming at me non-stop.

When I needed her it seemed to set something off.   I am not sure if this is because the attention was off her?  It really was a horrible thing to live through.

Now I have a friend taking care of my kids and I am resting in peace.   What an amazing difference!

[ShadowDancer]

Very interesting that you point this out. It was actually a bout of the flu that was the final straw for my relationship. I was in bed for 11 days and during the worst I had a fever of 103 degrees.  That woman came in the first day and I said I was sick. She asked if I need anything, I said yes a cup of hot tea. She did indeed bring me ONE cup of tea and left the house.

I NEVER SAW HER AGAIN FOR THE NEXT 11 DAYS.   I heard her moving around the house a couple of times but mostly she was GONE! I got up each day to attend to the critters. Never actually saw her. She never fed the dogs or even took out her trash.

When I got up out of bed she said she was going to the store. I said some cream of rice would be good because I was so weak I could hardly walk. She comes back with cream of wheat. I said I asked for cream of rice and she said if it makes that big of a difference I could go to the store and get it myself and stormed out. After a shower and a shave that is exactly what I did. She came back later in the afternoon acting as if NOTHING HAPPENED!

I stopped "liking" her that day. I really did. Never touched her or said much of anything. Remained in the guest room until she was gone. No hostility on my part, I was simply DONE! She had a legal 30 day notice to move out in her claws within a week. Despite her tears and her begging I was firm in my decision, so much so that I shelled out over $2,000.00 to rent her a place to live. I never really even told her why in a big long discussion or was I willing to back down. When the chips are down is when the character of a person is revealed in my book. That's all I really told her. The chips were down for me and she was gone. I'd seen enough.

[UnLuckyLady]

I agree with all of you... .it seems so true.

My uBPDexbf left me on the 9th day if treatment if my skin cancer.  I was trying to avoid expensive and scarring surgery on my face.  He was there for the first nine days of treatment, taking pictures in creating a folder of pictures in his phone so we could track the progress daily. By the 9th day of a roughly 60 day treatment plan... .poof!   He's outta here.  had a few conversations after and not one time did he ask me about the cancer.  Selfish ass.

I beat it in 47 days and I'm now cancer free 

[Reg]

Know the feeling, when she was sick, she was pampered by me.

When I finally got sick, she couldn't stand it that  I was in bed the whole day.  Very curious behavior, they don't seem to know how to cope with the situation.

That and a lack of empathy... .

[strikeforce]

I agree with all of you... .it seems so true.

My uBPDexbf left me on the 9th day if treatment if my skin cancer.  I was trying to avoid expensive and scarring surgery on my face.  He was there for the first nine days of treatment, taking pictures in creating a folder of pictures in his phone so we could track the progress daily. By the 9th day of a roughly 60 day treatment plan... .poof!   He's outta here.  had a few conversations after and not one time did he ask me about the cancer.  Selfish ass.

I beat it in 47 days and I'm now cancer free 

So glad to hear you beat it   

[ShadowDancer]

I agree with all of you... .it seems so true.

My uBPDexbf left me on the 9th day if treatment if my skin cancer.  I was trying to avoid expensive and scarring surgery on my face.  He was there for the first nine days of treatment, taking pictures in creating a folder of pictures in his phone so we could track the progress daily. By the 9th day of a roughly 60 day treatment plan... .poof!   He's outta here.  had a few conversations after and not one time did he ask me about the cancer.  Selfish ass.

I beat it in 47 days and I'm now cancer free 

So glad to hear you beat it   

Me too... .so very very glad!

[UnLuckyLady]

Thanks you guys!   

I dont think they can stand to see us sick or weak... .it's just another way they look down on us for being human... .

[caughtnreleased]

Know the feeling, when she was sick, she was pampered by me.

When I finally got sick, she couldn't stand it that  I was in bed the whole day.  Very curious behavior, they don't seem to know how to cope with the situation.

That and a lack of empathy... .

Same here. He couldn't STAND that I was in bed all day. He seemed to think I was being manipulative and doing it on purpose to get him to do more of the house chores or something.  I remember feeling incredibly helpless.

[caughtnreleased]

I agree with all of you... .it seems so true.

My uBPDexbf left me on the 9th day if treatment if my skin cancer.  I was trying to avoid expensive and scarring surgery on my face.  He was there for the first nine days of treatment, taking pictures in creating a folder of pictures in his phone so we could track the progress daily. By the 9th day of a roughly 60 day treatment plan... .poof!   He's outta here.  had a few conversations after and not one time did he ask me about the cancer.  Selfish ass.

I beat it in 47 days and I'm now cancer free 

So glad to hear you beat it   

Me too... .so very very glad!

Also glad you beat it... .cancer AND BPD free

[Learning_curve74]

I would like to resist generalizing too much as "not caring about sick partners" isn't on of the diganostic traits of BPD. 

My experience was different as when I came down with the flu, my exBPDgf was very caring. She checked on me a lot and was very caring towards me almost like a mother towards a son. I was laid up in bed for almost a week, so it was nice when she checked on me so often.

On the other hand, now that I think of it, she was also probably trying to line up other guys to take my place in case I didn't get better. 

[Reg]

Hi learning curve !

Yes I do agree with you, there is no such thing a generalisation with BPD, the behavior can be very different on many points.

But some of the behavior we talk about will be similar in some cases.  There's no such thing as a typical person with BPD, there are to many variants.

Even what you mentioned, trying to line up other guys to take your place is not typical for all of them LOL    Some of them can actually be alone for a longer time.

It is a most curious beast the BPD as a pd... .

Reg

[slimmiller]

One of the memories that will never leave me about mine is how cold and uncaring mine was the one time I actaully allowed the flu to get me down. She did not stay home and ever attempt to assist me in any way to recover till I was so bad I begged her to take me to the hospital. I remember telling myself if I was on my deathbed, she would probably go shopping. I guess it was one of the days of reckoning when the truth stared at me but I was not ready to see it

[suffering_parent]

Same here. He couldn't STAND that I was in bed all day. He seemed to think I was being manipulative and doing it on purpose to get him to do more of the house chores or something.  I remember feeling incredibly helpless.

This was it exactly.   Who was going to do the house work and take care of the kids!  It was so frustrating.   It made being sick so much worse.

[Oliolioxenfree]

Sick this weekend and having bad memories.    My BPD wife would be at her worst when I was sick.   I could be in bed dying and she would be screaming at me non-stop.

When I needed her it seemed to set something off.   I am not sure if this is because the attention was off her?  It really was a horrible thing to live through.

Now I have a friend taking care of my kids and I am resting in peace.   What an amazing difference!

Mine left me for my replacement a day after I had serious surgery, completely out of the blue.  One week later I had a follow up surgery where I nearly bled out and died on the operating table, a week later he texted to see how I was and when I told him, he sent me an email asking my sexual history to see if I had any STD's, insinuating that I had given him one.