Does it really boil down to "You got played, deal with it"

[Waifed]

But for the sake of argument... how do we know they suffer so horribly? Is it professionally established truth or just an amalgam of our wishful thinking (self-validation), their statements (which should be taken with grain of salt - she is a professional victim - of course she will claim to be perpetually suffering) and application of low-functioning profile to high-functioning. What if she is actually happy having no obligations and unending supply of validation and enjoys making others suffer. Mine for sure had some pretty sociopath attitudes.

This is a good point.  Suffering, outlook on life, dealing with relationships is all very relative.  I think that we may overemphasize the pain and suffering that they are feeling.  They have nothing to compare it too.  Their "pain" is their comfort level.  I have read that a pwBPD does not feel comfortable without crisis like a healthy person does (and strives for).  This is their reality.

I do feel like many of the low functioning and relatively few high functioning pwBPD do suffer and seek therapy.  It also seems like most of the high functioning pwBPD have narcissistic traits that make them very different from other BPD's.  They are the ones who don't seek therapy because they think they are normal.  My "P" does not like to "label" people and basically said that these people are just like you and me.  They may feel like they suffer from depression, bad choice of partners, etc. but have no idea that they are personality disordered or any different than anyone else mentally. 

Obviously some do realize they have issues but don't necessarily attribute it to having mental issues.  This would be far to much for a narcissistic person to accept.

[santa]

Sometimes it does feel that way. When I think about it though, it's like, why would this girl give me 4 years in her 20's and have a baby and put herself through all of this just because she was trying to play me? Maybe she was. I don't know. That doesn't sound like a game that either of us wins though.

[fromheeltoheal]

Sometimes it does feel that way. When I think about it though, it's like, why would this girl give me 4 years in her 20's and have a baby and put herself through all of this just because she was trying to play me? Maybe she was. I don't know. That doesn't sound like a game that either of us wins though.

Her disorder was playing her, and she was doing the best she could inside the chaos.  And you're right, the only winner is the disorder.

[santa]

Sometimes it does feel that way. When I think about it though, it's like, why would this girl give me 4 years in her 20's and have a baby and put herself through all of this just because she was trying to play me? Maybe she was. I don't know. That doesn't sound like a game that either of us wins though.

Her disorder was playing her, and she was doing the best she could inside the chaos.  And you're right, the only winner is the disorder.

You're probably right. It's frustrating trying to make sense of it all though.

[fromheeltoheal]

Sometimes it does feel that way. When I think about it though, it's like, why would this girl give me 4 years in her 20's and have a baby and put herself through all of this just because she was trying to play me? Maybe she was. I don't know. That doesn't sound like a game that either of us wins though.

Her disorder was playing her, and she was doing the best she could inside the chaos.  And you're right, the only winner is the disorder.

You're probably right. It's frustrating trying to make sense of it all though.

Yes it is, because it doesn't make rational sense.  Learning the clinical side of the disorder helped me get my head around it, but it took a while; complex disorder.  You can start by reading the posts of a member named '2010' on this site.  Also, make sure you read all the Articles here as well.

[santa]

Sometimes it does feel that way. When I think about it though, it's like, why would this girl give me 4 years in her 20's and have a baby and put herself through all of this just because she was trying to play me? Maybe she was. I don't know. That doesn't sound like a game that either of us wins though.

Her disorder was playing her, and she was doing the best she could inside the chaos.  And you're right, the only winner is the disorder.

You're probably right. It's frustrating trying to make sense of it all though.

Yes it is, because it doesn't make rational sense.  Learning the clinical side of the disorder helped me get my head around it, but it took a while; complex disorder.  You can start by reading the posts of a member named '2010' on this site.

Thanks. I'll check it out. I'm pretty new to all this stuff. My ex was diagnosed bipolar when I first started dating her. She was prescribed lithium. She'd always drink and take more than she was supposed to though, so I have no idea if that is what the deal was. Then I got her pregnant and she stopped taking her medication. She was the sweetest girl on the planet the entire time she was pregnant and during the first 6 months while she was breastfeeding. Then, after she stopped breastfeeding, it took a few months, but she started getting all crazy again. I guess her hormones were getting back to normal. I'm not a doctor, but after reading this stuff, it seems likely that she had borderline pd.

[zkirtz]

@waifed

How do we know indeed.

Open brain surgery is not as widely accepted as it used to be.

I think that sociopaths, psychopaths and extreme borderliners (or "my exboyfriends" as I call them) can suffer from their disease. There is hardly any love and friendship in their lives, they are painfully aware that they do not live in the normal picture and are misfit in society; the rage that comes along is a deeply felt agony of this neeeed.

I cannot/do not want to believe that every thought they have shared with me about their suffering is projection on my side. Nor can I accept that they kick on rage.

I remember how my ex was He was struck from a letter from his mother that read that he should take care of himself now that he was all grown up.  `If there is anyone who cannot say that, it is she, the abandoning mother.´, he´d cry. That's what the rage started and is was not a leisure kick. For months I suffered through his rage and despair. Their agony is just not ours, it is in the feeling completely abandoned, not alone but rather left alone.

":)on't leave me now. I need you. Hey. Babe. Why are you running away."

[fromheeltoheal]

Sometimes it does feel that way. When I think about it though, it's like, why would this girl give me 4 years in her 20's and have a baby and put herself through all of this just because she was trying to play me? Maybe she was. I don't know. That doesn't sound like a game that either of us wins though.

Her disorder was playing her, and she was doing the best she could inside the chaos.  And you're right, the only winner is the disorder.

You're probably right. It's frustrating trying to make sense of it all though.

Yes it is, because it doesn't make rational sense.  Learning the clinical side of the disorder helped me get my head around it, but it took a while; complex disorder.  You can start by reading the posts of a member named '2010' on this site.

Thanks. I'll check it out. I'm pretty new to all this stuff. My ex was diagnosed bipolar when I first started dating her. She was prescribed lithium. She'd always drink and take more than she was supposed to though, so I have no idea if that is what the deal was. Then I got her pregnant and she stopped taking her medication. She was the sweetest girl on the planet the entire time she was pregnant and during the first 6 months while she was breastfeeding. Then, after she stopped breastfeeding, it took a few months, but she started getting all crazy again. I guess her hormones were getting back to normal. I'm not a doctor, but after reading this stuff, it seems likely that she had borderline pd.

There are a lot of chemical changes with pregnancy.  I've read that PMS can exascerbate borderline symptoms, and that was certainly true in my case; the rage that came out of that woman at that time of the month rattled every window in the house, and I got punched more than a few times.  I started planning for it and took tampon vacations.