Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
January 19, 2021, 01:18:10 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
  Help!   Groups   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
84
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: He dropped a cat at the Shelter, and I went to the shelter to walk dogs... and  (Read 11588 times)
Findingmysong723
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 210


« on: November 05, 2013, 02:26:19 PM »

Well, I saw my Ex Boyfriend at the Shelter. I saw his car and I almost left but I decided, screw it he's not going to stop me from doing what I like to do, so I went in. I hasn't seen him since January. However, I went in the back way so I didn't have to talk to him. However, he came out to say "Hi" to Hondo (the dog) and me. He was pleasant, which of course makes me think of his last contact with me in a text saying,"I'm happy not to have people like that in my life." He sent this after I refused to reply back to him and he said I was being F**ing childish. I had told him I couldn't be friends with him. Luckily he spent most of the time cleaning and working with the cats, since he had found a stray and decided to drop it off. Yes, he can be a nice guy, but hey those cats never tried to have a relationship with him haha! He's better with animals than he is with people!

I feel like I did really well, I wasn't mean, but not friendly just straightforward. My Ex did all the pleasantries, asked me how my Dad was and if I still was working my retail job, unfortunately I didn't want him to know I was still working there oh well. Asked me about the last season of Dexter since we used to watch it together, made some stupid joke that he hadn't seen it and that he used me for that (since he didn't have Showtime), very funny Not! Anyway, the worse thing was, my cousin announced her engagement on Facebook and I'm not on it, so guess who was the first to tell me, yes my Ex. Felt pretty stupid because I wasn't sure which cousin, since their both in serious relationships. I called my cousin as soon as I got home to congratulate her and she felt really bad, she forgot that I wasn't on there. I told her that she must still have my Ex as a friend, didn't know they were friends, so she told me she'll get him off there, I'll make sure to remind her ; ). My cousin has a lot of friends, so I know it was an oversight, because she is not a fan of him!

Well, I've been doing much better getting over him. However, I've always had slight social anxiety but I've been having some panic attacks in the last few weeks, nothing too bad but it hasn't been fun and seems to be out of nowhere. I feel like it might just aftershocks from the relationship. Surprisingly I didn't feel a panic attack or anything around him.

I did notice he lost weight but that doesn't impress me, I mean great that your healthier but still know what's going on inside that body and I don't want anything to do with that! So, I'm getting to indifference, but not quite but much closer than before. However, I still hope that he goes on my off days to the shelter, because I don't want to do too much small talk with him!

I'm proud of myself, I haven't seen him since January, and only called him in Feb to congratulate him on his sobriety anniversary, since I felt that I was part of his life for a year and half of that! So, been awhile 9 months of NC, well until today but will continue NC.
Logged
fromheeltoheal
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up, I left her
Posts: 5642


« Reply #1 on: November 05, 2013, 03:06:04 PM »

Good for you!  I haven't seen mine in over a year and she lives a long way away so not likely; I would like to think I'd do as well as you did.  NC and detachment are two different things, and it seems you've been doing the latter.  It will be interesting to hear how you feel about it in a few days once you process fully.  Stay strong, and again, good for you!
Logged
Findingmysong723
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 210


« Reply #2 on: November 05, 2013, 03:34:33 PM »

 Thanks fromheeltoheal for the encouragment!

Yea, I'm not totally detached, because I had to come here to process but hey much better than before. It must feel better to have your Ex further away, not worrying you'll bump into them. However, I saw my Ex and I'm not falling apart I'm okay, I'm ruminating some but not too bad. I admit I might feel bad in a few days but I might not, I'm really at the point that I would never go back, I saw the mask come off and I can't forget how that was! I mean, he can be pleasant and be a good volunteer but I know what a different story it is to try to have an intimate relationship with him!
Logged
fromheeltoheal
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up, I left her
Posts: 5642


« Reply #3 on: November 05, 2013, 04:03:14 PM »

The distance was both good and bad, long distance relationships are tough for anyone.  The way I look at it now the realities of the situation pushed us and the dysfunction showed up quicker, so I left her sooner, a good thing, and yes it's nice that she's not around now.

I can relate to the public persona; we all do that BTW, it is just so much more intense with a borderline.  Mine could turn on the flirtatious charm like nobody's business, and she was smart and good looking, so folks just ate that up.  In the end I saw it for what it was, a stage act designed to manipulate, and it had zero pull on me anymore, I'd seen too much of the dark side.

Please keep us updated; you're in a similar spot to me with detachment it seems, and I'd like to compare notes.  Take care of you!
Logged
Findingmysong723
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 210


« Reply #4 on: November 05, 2013, 05:38:27 PM »

Will do!
Logged
peas
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: single
Posts: 376


« Reply #5 on: November 05, 2013, 05:44:20 PM »

Great update, Findingmysong. It's just what I needed to read today. I am four months NC and for some reason today was particularly difficult for me.

I'm glad to see that for you nine months NC has helped. Good for you for carrying on with your mission at the animal shelter even though you knew you'd see your ex.
Logged
Findingmysong723
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 210


« Reply #6 on: November 05, 2013, 06:37:05 PM »

Glad my post helped ya peas! Yea, I volunteered there before I met him and I'm doing it after him! Seeing him is not fun but luckily this is the first time I've seen him in 9 months and hopefully if I do it will be few and far between! However, what keeps me strong is I know what he is like as a boyfriend and I don't want that in my life, he will never give me what I need in a partner and I can't live with that! He broke up with me, but as others have said he did me a favor, a chance to be happy with someone else!

Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2021?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2020 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
40days_in_desert
Ahquei3s
alphabeta
Amethyste
Angie59
ArtistGuy70
AskingWhy
assumezero
At Bay
Avanzando
Baglady
Beneck
bigredneck
Bittlecat
Boll Weevil
calmboom
Cat Familiar
Chosen
Dnmtnbkr
drained1996
Eggshellsbroken
FaintTheGoat
FaithHopeLove
FindingMe2011
Forgiveness
freespirit
GaGrl
ggGreg
Gift to Myself
gotbushels
Harri
hopeandchoices
I Am Redeemed
Imatter33
Jazzy48
jdc
jones54
Jonthan
Katrinalove
Kwamina
l8kgrl
LLgreen
Longterm
lorymac
lovenature
loyalwife
lucidone
Manifest32f
MariannaR
Meridius
Methuen
mgirl
Minttea
Mommydoc
Mutt
narcdaughter2
needPeace
NorseWoman
Notgoneyet
oceanheart
oftentimes
Omega1
once removed
Only Human
otherlife
palynne
PeacefulMom
Pedro
pest947
podsnapG
ProudDad12
pursuingJoy
Radcliff
Raul
Recycle
Resiliant
Rev
Rosheger
Sad4Her
SamwizeGamgee
Sandalwood
SBBayArea
SCM
SerendipityChild
SES
Silverhope
Skip
songbirdtwo
StillStuck
Swimmy55
Teno
townhouse
truthbeknown
turtleengine501
Ventak
vinnie77
Violet00
wavewatcher
wendydarling
WhatJustHappened?
Whichwayisup
whirlpoollife
Wicker Man
WindofChange
worn_out
WTL
zachira
zaqsert

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!