Why Would She do This?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Still trying to understand why my BPD ex would break up with me to my face, want to be friend and then went nasty, cold and blocked me from everything and rid of my pictures? Is she dealing with the fact she still has feelings and is trying to erradicate them?

This makes no sense to me whatsoever? The whole BPD process.  In the past she blocked me for a day or so tops. This has been since Monday night. I do have another FB account and saw her recent profile pictures she has posted. One was of an angry lion roaring with a quote about being "free" another one about honesty.

She most likely knows I have another account so she is sending a message. It does get to me. If you hate me so much why torture?

Today I also found I might be losing my job. Just an awful time all around. Saturday is my birthday. Good times

[Pretty Woman]

Still trying to understand why my BPD ex would break up with me to my face, want to be friend and then went nasty, cold and blocked me from everything and rid of my pictures? Is she dealing with the fact she still has feelings and is trying to erradicate them?

This makes no sense to me whatsoever? The whole BPD process.  In the past she blocked me for a day or so tops. This has been since Monday night. I do have another FB account and saw her recent profile pictures she has posted. One was of an angry lion roaring with a quote about being "free" another one about honesty.

She most likely knows I have another account so she is sending a message. It does get to me. If you hate me so much why torture?

Today I also found I might be losing my job. Just an awful time all around. Saturday is my birthday. Good times

[Aw511]

If there is one thing I have learned here, it is this: no matter how much I try to make sense of what happened/continues to happen, it is just not possible. They don't think the way we do. They have a mental illness that causes their behavior and thinking patterns to differ greatly from the rest of the population so to try and put ourselves in their shoes, or comprehend why they do the things they do, is a lost cause. Acceptance of that fact has helped me more than anything... .

Hang in there 

[EdR]

What Aw511 said!

I already posted some reasons behind other BPD traits in your other thread. But as much as we can rationalize and 'explain' their behaviour, we will never truly 'understand' it.

understanding in an academic sense: sure... I've come a long way in that regard

'understanding' in an emotional sense: no way... not possible for me

[Ironmanrises]

Why would she do this... .?

To hurt you.

She knows those behaviors... .

Will have a maximum effect on you.

I know it hurts.

We all do.

Hang in there.

[maxen]

hi earth angel. i'm so sorry for your situation, be sure to see to yourself. 

i second what was said by the other posters, and has been said to me by counsellors irl: don't even try to understand it. you'll only break your own mind. this:

my BPD ex would break up with me to my face, want to be friend and then went nasty

is exactly what happened to me, all three bits of it. i've spent going on 5 months in insanity pondering it, and it doesn't undo what she did. people with BPD are emotionally disturbed, and they have created emotional disturbance in us. as edr said:

understanding in an academic sense: sure... I've come a long way in that regard

'understanding' in an emotional sense: no way... not possible for me

[GlennT]

I am very sorry you may lose your job.Happy Birthday Blessings for making more positive things happen in your precious life from now on.  There is a solid and valid reason to be sad or angry about losing a job... Bpd's do not have a solid/valid reason to hurt or hurt others... It could only be a mere word, or mere act,that will deregulate them. Bpd is an emotional disorder, more than an mental disorder. Like the pic of the lion on facebook. They can mentally categorize their emotions, but do not truly know, nor understand, the what for, or why.They just do what they feel,and that is why they suffer, and cause suffering in others.Your job loss, is a very valid reason to feel angry or sad. Those who suffer from BPD, do not know, or cannot know, why or where, nor care to understand, the real deep-seated reasons, why they become so deregulated, no matter how right or wrong. Much like a schizophrenic, who thinks the voices they hear are real, but they are not.  

[fromheeltoheal]

The genesis of borderline personality disorder happens when someone is very young, probably less than three.  When we are born and for a time thereafter, we consider ourselves and our mother to be one person with no boundary, which is an obvious extension of when we were inside her.  At some point we disconnect and become our own 'self', separate from our mother and everyone else.  A borderline never does that.  Think about that, hard to get your head around.  A borderline gets stuck in that place of one person-detach-two people-no too scary-one person.  Flash forward to their adult life, and that manifests as an extremely close bond initially, in their head the two of you are one person with no boundary, and then at some point it's time to detach, so they push you away.  Then feel abandoned and start to cling again.  Continuous push/pull with the only comfort being on the unstable fence between the two.

All of that is subconscious for the borderline mind you, they just know how they feel, and trying to make rational sense of it will drive you crazy.  You might agree.  Being on the receiving end of that pathology can be extremely traumatic, hence this website and all the other resources.  And the shame a borderline feels over the wreckage they cause is just too much, so they off it on the other side of themselves, which is you, so you get to be the scumbag.  Unfortunately the only way is to let go of the dreams you had with this person, disconnect, and heal.

Happy Birthday!  Next year is going to be the best year of your life!  Make it happen.

[Hazelrah]

The genesis of borderline personality disorder happens when someone is very young, probably less than three.  When we are born and for a time thereafter, we consider ourselves and our mother to be one person with no boundary, which is an obvious extension of when we were inside her.  At some point we disconnect and become our own 'self', separate from our mother and everyone else.  A borderline never does that.  Think about that, hard to get your head around.  A borderline gets stuck in that place of one person-detach-two people-no too scary-one person.  Flash forward to their adult life, and that manifests as an extremely close bond initially, in their head the two of you are one person with no boundary, and then at some point it's time to detach, so they push you away.  Then feel abandoned and start to cling again.  Continuous push/pull with the only comfort being on the unstable fence between the two.

All of that is subconscious for the borderline mind you, they just know how they feel, and trying to make rational sense of it will drive you crazy.  You might agree.  Being on the receiving end of that pathology can be extremely traumatic, hence this website and all the other resources.  And the shame a borderline feels over the wreckage they cause is just too much, so they off it on the other side of themselves, which is you, so you get to be the scumbag.  Unfortunately the only way is to let go of the dreams you had with this person, disconnect, and heal.

Happy Birthday!  Next year is going to be the best year of your life!  Make it happen.

This is a wonderful, simple distillation of the whole dysfunctional BPD/'non' relationship dance.  Thanks, heal.

Earth Angel... .I hope your birthday was a wonderful one.

[DownandOut]

There is no use in trying to make sense of it all. I, myself, am a thinker. I cannot deal with not knowing why something has happened - there must be a reason! The truth is, the only reason is what those above said, a pwBPD does not think the way we do. My uBPDexgf came to Europe with me for two weeks, treated me coldly for two weeks with spurts of love and care in between, met my family overseas, entered a realm of my world that I would only let someone special into and when we returned home, I was discarded. Although I was the one who broke things off a week later, I was essentially forced to by her evil disorder. I was in some of the most romantic places in the world and my so-called "girlfriend" didn't even want to touch me and acted as if I repulsed her. She didn't post one picture of us on our trip on social media! A week after we broke-up, she starts posting pictures of her and her new victim. They went on a much less glamorous trip together two weeks later (she loves using guys for vacation, it's her MO) and she was posting so many pictures of them - kissing, holding hands, and acting as if they'd been together for years. All done two weeks after our breakup and 3 weeks after we returned from what was supposed to be a romantic trip traveling Europe that I paid for about 90% of! It's difficult to understand, but it doesn't matter now. Normal people just don't act that way... .just remember that.

[fromheeltoheal]

Same thing happened with us DownandOut, on a cruise.  On a fcking cruise!  So I was incarcerated on a boat for a week with someone who was being a caustic btch and wanted nothing to do with me.  Fortunately I'm a pretty social guy and made a lot of friends, but what a frickin waste, and I too paid for it.

See my post above for the explanation; we tried to get too close, so they freaked out and headed the other way.  And you can be sure it will play out the same way with the new guy, rosy until he tries to get too close.  But you know what?  One thing I'm absolutely sure of is we are more than enough, and we just hit a borderline speed bump on our way to an appreciative girl who was raised right.  Take care of you!

[goldylamont]

well while i don't feel like i could understand, and never want to understand how this person thinks, or how she feels, i think given time it's pretty easy to understand how this person behaves. my ex could be genuine, loving and supportive many times. but ultimately she is selfish, manipulative and a bit narcissistic over the long run.

the reason why i'm saying this is not to go down the path of saying bad things about a person and getting stuck in the blame game. however i feel that all of us have been forced to see that our version of reality was incorrect, so naturally we are trying to reconstruct a reality that makes sense. it's only natural we want to know why? and i feel it was healthy for me to take liberties, use my common sense and just come to my own conclusions why: when she did things that seemed childish or manipulative or revenge seeking--i've concluded because that's because this is exactly what she wanted to do, because she has a disorder. when she did things that were nicer and more respectful, sometimes i feel like it was just her idealizing me in the moment, other times i feel she did feel a deep respect for me. she's just all over the place.

all in all i don't really care how she feels at this point. however i would definitely say that there is an easy to spot method to her madness. it's no longer this big mystery since i've been able to discuss, research and "compare notes" with others. in fact, i was able to predict her behavior more than once even after we separated (when i still gave a damn  ). i don't need to be right about everything but in a way understanding the situation as i do now has restored some trust and balance for my own perception of things, which is healthy and natural, imo.

[DownandOut]

well while i don't feel like i could understand, and never want to understand how this person thinks, or how she feels, i think given time it's pretty easy to understand how this person behaves. my ex could be genuine, loving and supportive many times. but ultimately she is selfish, manipulative and a bit narcissistic over the long run.

the reason why i'm saying this is not to go down the path of saying bad things about a person and getting stuck in the blame game. however i feel that all of us have been forced to see that our version of reality was incorrect, so naturally we are trying to reconstruct a reality that makes sense. it's only natural we want to know why? and i feel it was healthy for me to take liberties, use my common sense and just come to my own conclusions why: when she did things that seemed childish or manipulative or revenge seeking--i've concluded because that's because this is exactly what she wanted to do, because she has a disorder. when she did things that were nicer and more respectful, sometimes i feel like it was just her idealizing me in the moment, other times i feel she did feel a deep respect for me. she's just all over the place.

all in all i don't really care how she feels at this point. however i would definitely say that there is an easy to spot method to her madness. it's no longer this big mystery since i've been able to discuss, research and "compare notes" with others. in fact, i was able to predict her behavior more than once even after we separated (when i still gave a damn  ). i don't need to be right about everything but in a way understanding the situation as i do now has restored some trust and balance for my own perception of things, which is healthy and natural, imo.

Thank you for that! That first line in bold is so on-point. Key word - long-run. In the long-run these people are not healthy and, irrespective of any semblance of humanness they may exhibit during moments in time, they are ultimately harmful to your health.