Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 28, 2024, 10:01:10 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Depression = 72% of members
Take the test, read about the implications, and check out the remedies.
111
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: With Friends Like These  (Read 367 times)
Pretty Woman
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1683


The Greatest Love is the Love You Give Yourself


« on: November 14, 2013, 04:09:56 AM »

So tonight I did something I am not proud of.   I had suspected my ex had been cheating on me with a friend, a friend who recently attended my birthday party.  I was getting really cryptic answers from this friend so I decided to take a drive through my ex's parking garage in the center of town. Sure enough, her car is there with my ex overnight sticker, while my exes truck is in the street. 

I text this friend and ask if she is seeing my ex and she says no.  She gets really upset that I told her "I know" and to lose my number.  We play this game while, she calls me and asks, "if J wanted to get back with you would you take her back?" I thought that was a weird question so I said, "I don't know". She proceeds to tell me she doesn't talk to my ex often and is not with her at the moment.

That's when I drop the parking garage comment.  She freaks out and says she has no idea what I am insinuating and is getting very angry.

what the heck?

I am beyond hurt.  This person has no reason to lie.  I do not want to be friends withna liar.  It really is beyond comprehension.  Is everyone around me so f'd up?  I'm really hoping she won't file a restraining order on me now for looking inti this... .it was eating away at me.

It's sad that people can be so dishonest.
Logged

HarmKrakow
*******
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1226


« Reply #1 on: November 14, 2013, 05:50:44 AM »

So tonight I did something I am not proud of.   I had suspected my ex had been cheating on me with a friend, a friend who recently attended my birthday party.  I was getting really cryptic answers from this friend so I decided to take a drive through my ex's parking garage in the center of town. Sure enough, her car is there with my ex overnight sticker, while my exes truck is in the street. 

I text this friend and ask if she is seeing my ex and she says no.  She gets really upset that I told her "I know" and to lose my number.  We play this game while, she calls me and asks, "if J wanted to get back with you would you take her back?" I thought that was a weird question so I said, "I don't know". She proceeds to tell me she doesn't talk to my ex often and is not with her at the moment.

That's when I drop the parking garage comment.  She freaks out and says she has no idea what I am insinuating and is getting very angry.

what the heck?

I am beyond hurt.  This person has no reason to lie.  I do not want to be friends withna liar.  It really is beyond comprehension.  Is everyone around me so f'd up?  I'm really hoping she won't file a restraining order on me now for looking inti this... .it was eating away at me.

It's sad that people can be so dishonest.

A person has no reason to lie, no. Someone with BPD has. You threaten their emotional stability (which is never stable to begin with) thus the rainshower of lies, deceit, etc. comes.

You don't blame a wild dog for biting you when you get to close to it no? That was suppose to happen. If you push the boundaries of a BPD person, what you describe in your post... happens.
Logged
strikeforce
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 336


« Reply #2 on: November 14, 2013, 05:51:23 AM »

It is sad that people can be this way.

If it is true then it sounds like she's not a worthwhile friend to have around. She will also get caught up in the crazy nightmare that you went through with your ex.

The fact she freaked out and got angry says a lot.

Logged
babyducks
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2920



« Reply #3 on: November 14, 2013, 07:15:38 AM »

So tonight I did something I am not proud of...



I am beyond hurt. 

Earth Angel,

As long as you continue to participate in the drama you will continue to get hurt.

ducks
Logged

What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us.
itgirl
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: 4 years living together
Posts: 195



« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2013, 07:33:19 AM »

that is very true ducks.  you need to detach. 
Logged

Pretty Woman
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1683


The Greatest Love is the Love You Give Yourself


« Reply #5 on: November 14, 2013, 08:00:11 AM »

Agreed, Ducks.  I am a little obsessive from all the lies.  At least now I know who my friends are.   
Logged

babyducks
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2920



« Reply #6 on: November 14, 2013, 08:50:09 AM »

Agreed, Ducks.  I am a little obsessive from all the lies.  At least now I know who my friends are.   

Hey EA,

Welcome to recovery.    Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

Time to stop the bleeding. 

Time to neutralize the situation.

Time to take a step back and rebalance yourself.

You have been in a high conflict situation for a while.   It has effected you.

Skip said this in another post

Excerpt
A high conflict, emotionally abusive parent, child, relationship partner or spouse, regardless of the causation, is a challenge and we need to take appropriate steps for our own wellbeing and that of our family.  And hopefully you want to learn how to rise above and manage your interface with the difficult person in a constructive, mature and healthy way.  It's our very next step to a constructive, mature and healthy future for ourselves.

The bold stuff is my highlighting.  Can I ask,  what do you think you could do today to start towards a constructive, happy, healthy future? 

ducks
Logged

What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us.
Pretty Woman
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1683


The Greatest Love is the Love You Give Yourself


« Reply #7 on: November 14, 2013, 10:04:52 AM »

I need to try to stop obsessing.  I am almost becoming stalkerish and that is not healthy at all.

I see my therapist today. I am going to tell her what I did and work on changing things up a bit.  Focus on me and feeling better. So emotionally beat down and betrayed.
Logged

Lady31
*****
Offline Offline

Posts: 565


« Reply #8 on: November 14, 2013, 02:05:57 PM »

earth angel,

Don't beat yourself about feeling "stalkerish".  I did this too to a point.  At one point I put something on my exh's computer, and a few other things throughout the marriage.  I did this because my heart KNEW there was something off - but he could always explain things away so well.  Then I caught him lying in smaller things that I was sure of.

Do I think it was stalkerish - heck no!  I think I had every right to know what he was up to.  I believe in transparency. 

Do I think it is a good sign that your relationship gets to that point and that you feel the need to do these things (or that I did) - I say no to that as well.

So - I don't think it's wrong to get to the truth.  It helps you settle on REALITY in your heart and mind so you can go forward.  The key though is to make sure you go forward and not stay STUCK in trying to make this an obsession and hold you hostage.  Once you know that the relationship is unhealthy and find things out that show you that - the next step is working on letting go and walking away.  Not holding on. 

With what you have gone through with this friend, and just now finding out these things and her lies coming to the surface - I don't think you are out of the realm of normal and healthy.  It's completely NORMAL to feel the way you are feeling at this stage and wanting some sort of confirmation and truth to know if you are imagining it all or not.

You're fine!  (Even though THEY will probably try to portray you as nuts for your behavior - that is NOT TRUE.)  So - just move forward now my friend.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!