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Author Topic: Random telephone calls.  (Read 447 times)
Zack

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« on: November 21, 2013, 10:55:35 AM »

Hi Family

It's been many months since I've posted a subject although I do read all of the stories you guys post... .it keeps me in check.

I won't go into the details but long story short my exuBPD fiancee ended our relationship in Oct 2011... .we stayed in touch, recycled for quite some time after that but I decided to go NC in July 13 to save my sanity and to start to heal... .It's been tough but I'm getting there.

Since going NC I recieve 'private' and unknown calls on my mobile, my home phone and at the office. I can't change my numbers, various reasons, work, etc. I answer the calls because they could be work realted. Often the calls are silent and last for a few seconds before the caller hangs up. This happens a lot, every other day, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day. I know it's my ex trying to reach out and looking for some kind of response. Today I recieved a call from her own mobile number so she wanted to me to know it was her... .it took me by suprise... but I did not answer it.

My question is why? why try to reach out? she collapsed the relationship 2 years ago and is with another guy, has been with him since just before we split.

I'm a lot stronger now than a few months ago but in a week moment I was about to text her after her call asking why she was contacting me but I resisted.

Your thoughts and insight would be welcome. I guess she wants me to make the 1st move in positive contact? if she is in a happy relationship with another guy why keep trying to reach me?
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Ironmanrises
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« Reply #1 on: November 21, 2013, 11:14:58 AM »

You started NC on July 13, my exUBPDgf left me for the second time on July 12, and I started NC promptly that day. Since I went NC, I have received 1 text(2 weeks into NC) that appeared as "Spam" from a number that came from her area code(she lives several states away) which I was able to reverse look up and it originated literally just a few blocks from her house(who the ___ else is it?). Since I went NC, I have received 6 different local numbers that I do not recognize call my cell(1 left a silent voicemail with a tapping noise in background for 24 seconds, creepy right?), 1 blocked/private call 3 months into NC, and 1 other local number that texted me that I did not recognize. She exhibited this type of behavior when she left me after round 1 and i got a private call with a silent voicemail almost 3 months into NC, a few weeks right before she directly contacted me by text(she later admitted to that private call when I let her back in). This is how I know it is her behind this. When I asked her in round 2, "why did you call me from a blocked number and leave a silent voicemail?", she replied, "I tried to reach out to you." She never told me "the why". Based on her previous behavior and what I have experienced so far, I will assume that she is trying to reach out again. Note, the entire time I was with her in round 2, I did not receive any calls like that or texts.

She wants to reach out to you and maybe soothe her. The fact that yours is with someone else and doing this, means that relationship is faltering(devaluation). Perhaps that is what mine wants me to soothe her too. That comes with a price however if you yield to that. I am currently paying that price. Do not respond.
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ShadowDancer
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« Reply #2 on: November 21, 2013, 11:27:02 AM »

Try to remember why you had to "wash your hands" the last time she... .reached out.
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strikeforce
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« Reply #3 on: November 21, 2013, 12:04:44 PM »

Is it the fact they are scared you will tell them to get lost? The reason they stay 'anonymous', yet they need to hear your voice etc so they know you are still in their life?

Mine will simply not leave me alone and if I close all lines of communication I firmly believe she will phone my house number or stalk me.
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Naddred369
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« Reply #4 on: November 21, 2013, 12:47:45 PM »

After splitting up 6 weeks ago with my exBPDgf after a total of 5 years relationship ( 2 rounds), we ended up on a mutual N/C for 3 weeks. Ive resisted contact, really struggled but still resisted!

Yesterday, out of the blue she text me... .

Her: Hello,how are you?x

After a long day of thought and anger I eventually replied ( I know, stupid me!)

Me: Hello ----,

considering you know me so well, how do you think I am?

Her: probs not too good, chin up though x

The cheeky mare!

I beleive she was reaching out, just to see if id reply/to know I was there. She has no real interest in how I am, how im coping. She will resume N/C now for a few more weeks then text again and in 3 months Ill get a phone call and in six months Ill get an invite to a recycle.

Its her pattern of behaviour and I hope to the gods im stronger this time.

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Ironmanrises
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1774


« Reply #5 on: November 21, 2013, 02:14:10 PM »

Is it the fact they are scared you will tell them to get lost? The reason they stay 'anonymous', yet they need to hear your voice etc so they know you are still in their life?

Mine will simply not leave me alone and if I close all lines of communication I firmly believe she will phone my house number or stalk me.

You mean if they are scared of rejection? I would think that is the case. If I reach out anonymously, he/she won't know its me, so I can't be rejected outright but I am reaching out and hearing that person's voice soothe's me in return. Almost like covering all your bases. A paradox of hell. 
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Willingtolearn
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« Reply #6 on: November 21, 2013, 03:47:52 PM »

I have been having the silent hang up calls on my office phone since i went NC 16 months ago. These silent calls were really annoying me and i was sure it was my exBPDgf who was making them.

Last week i rang her cell phone but i kept my number hidden. I let it ring a couple of times without her answering and then i hung up.

Hey presto, i have not had a silent call on my office phone since then.  I think i may have stopped her calling, but i don't understand the logic in how i have achieved this.  Can anyone explain?
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Zack

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Posts: 37


« Reply #7 on: November 21, 2013, 04:55:34 PM »

I don't think they stay anonymous because they fear rejection... sometimes she'll let the phone ring only twice before hanging up.

I do perhaps think it's more a case of her wanting to let me know she is still around and that she hates the thought of me forgetting her... .perhaps... .

I did read a post many months ago suggesting the Borderline was looking for some kind of response, any kind response, even if it was f**k off... .I don't understand why though. It would explain why you haven't heard from your ex Willingtolearn, since you gave her the reaction she was looking for... .you soothed her somehow... .she won that game.

I really can't think of any other reason. 
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RecycledNoMore
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« Reply #8 on: November 22, 2013, 01:20:45 PM »

I dont think its you shes trying to reach, just somebody, anybody, any kind of reaction at all, positive, negative and just remember, when she dosent get this from you, shel just go to the next number on her list, then the next then the next...

... .

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