i left her this time

[simplyasiam]

ive been left atleast 20 times by the BPD gf over the last six years.

we were apart seven months this time, during this past break up i found this site and started to grow and recover.

three weeks ago she called wanted to try again. at frist all was good, she was trying or so it seemed. as the hours passed into days her new lies and old self began to come out.

i could see the end coming fast and i took charge of myself. i told her i couldnt do this anymore it wasnt working for me and she couldnt have me when she wanted to play house and run me off when she wanted to party. her only reply was... .i understand.

she caled the next nite wanting to come home, again i told her i could do it. a rude and eveil part of her is coming out now. ive never seen this part. she told me i need meds, and ive changed. said she was taking me off fb friends, changing her cell number and spending xmas eve with her ex husband. shes not pulled the trigger on fb or the cell number chcnge yet! i really dont know why she would think she needs to do that, she made the contact.

ive sliped a little today and been looking for contact from her on fb vmail and txt. ive got it under control for now. i set a goal for myself of no fb for two hours, seems small i know but its a start.

[Pretty Woman]

Honey, I thought 6 times in 18mo was bad. 

20 times in six years? How do you do that? 

You deserve better.  Keep her out. Find a woman that will never leave you.  I know they are out there. 

[simplyasiam]

im trying to break the cycle but i dont know if i ever will break away for good. im sure at some point one of us will walk away from this and not look back.

[Waifed]

I don't know what it is about them supposedly changing their phone number, etc. They are so confident we will try to contact them that they "threaten" us.  I wouldn't give her the pleasure of knowing you give a damn. You have the control now. Stay NC and you will keep it forever. Stop allowing the abuse.

[RecycledNoMore]

You have grown, you realised that it was all going to turn to sht and ended it, now that shes seen this in you, shes bringing out miss nasty, you know what to expect, and you know what to do to take steps to protect yourself, I know its difficult, take care.

[Tricky]

Simplyasiam, you introduced me to this excellent site, and I am so grateful for that.

I am so sorry to hear of your troubles. I maybe only a few weeks behind you in your recent experiences. I broke 3 months of NC 2 weeks ago, and there is the prospect of us getting involved again. Heart says yes, mind says NO NO NO. Don't know what will happen, but reading your post definitely serves as a warning to me. Got to do some serious thinking before it goes too far.

I feel for you and appreciate how hard and painful NC can be.

Hang in there.

And thanks again for pointing me towards this site, it has been an unbelievable help.

[Mutt]

a rude and eveil part of her is coming out now. ive never seen this part. she told me i need meds, and ive changed. said she was taking me off fb friends, changing her cell number and spending xmas eve with her ex husband.

She doesn't like that you are taking charge and that you mean business. That evil part is the black and white thinking. She is splitting you.