hording and messy is this more BPD symptoms?

[nevertheless]

  My ExBPD was so disorganized and messy. His car you can't even get into it without getting a garbage can to empty the front seat. I often wondered what a guy would come pick up a date with such a messy car. Then I went to his apt. Wow I would have to walk over piles of newspaper fruit flies all over dishes piled high and clothes all over. He would have stuff all over looked like the boxes haven't been UN packed in years. When he moved I went to help oh my he had nothing packed and watching him pack he had no idea what to do it was like he would just walk around I finally paid 2 guys to Finnish. Now that he loves closer to me his new apt is so messy and dirty I stopped going over. He is always losing his keys, wallet, credit cards in the pass 2 years he has replaced his debit card at least 10 times.he never can find things at work his boss tells him he has to clean up his desk. Is this anything anyone else has had to put up with is this a normal part of BPD? Then he will be super picky like if I put a empty can soda down in the car he was worried it would drip in his car ... .what? Who cares the car is a mess. At his house he would set glasses on coasters but you couldn't see the table top too much junk. He never would throw away anything too. All this drove me crazy I am so glad to be away from him.

[Ironmanrises]

My exUBPDgf house was a disaster zone. Like a cyclone touched down in the middle of her living room and spun around within its walls. But then she had OCD traits to boot. I am a hairy guy(Italian/Greek) and she had this complex about little hairs being left in the bathtub. Every time I would sleep over her house and shower, I had to carefully make sure every f¥cking hair that fell off of my body was not left in the bathtub/bathroom. Or she would freak. So embarrassing. I remember missing just one hair once, and she ripped into me. Yet her house was a mess. Another contradiction to add to the list.  

[fromheeltoheal]

Being messy isn't a BPD trait specifically, but for someone with an unstable sense of self and living in perpetual mental chaos it's not a stretch. The coasters and the soda thing indicate to me a feeble grasp at control in an otherwise uncontrollable life, and there might be OCD stuff there too.  Guess you weren't into being the live-in maid? Don't blame you.

[MrFox]

My exBPDgf was very much OCD.  Her apartment was always spotless, down to cleaning the trash cans with soap and water every time she took the bag out.  She couldn't sleep if there was even a single dish in the sink, to the point of getting up in the middle of the night to clean that single dish.

On the other hand, my BPD mother is very much a hoarder and her house is cluttered with all manner of things.  Depending on her mood it will also slide into filthy.  So I wouldn't say that hoarding and messy is a clear symptom of BPD but more so the symptom of mental issues, just as someone who is compulsive about cleanliness.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that extremes seem to be a sign of an unhealthy mental state.

[froggy]

Hording and compulsive cleaning are OCD... .just opposite sides of the same coin.

My H "collects" books and music... .also can't manage to throw things out.

[nevertheless]

Yes the not wanting to throw anything out... .my ex does that too. He saves everything. When I asked him to move his stuff out of my garage, I couldn't even get my car in. It took him hours to go through 2 boxes, I had to go help, then I would throw out stuff before could look at it. At one point he would just move things from one box to the next,

[RecycledNoMore]

Ugg

He was filthy, dirty dishes everywhere, his dog ( he later burned her on purpose to get me to visit him), pissed everywhere out of fear.

Dirty clothes, slept in the living room in front of the t.v, a room full of junk, things hed tried usuccessfully to fix discarded in pieces, outside unmowed lawns, junk everywhere, I tried to make order out of the disorder, ( much like his mind I suspect), but there was so much, I cant believe he chose to live like that.

[damage control]

MIne has OCD and chaotic traits.

At work, in his public world, he controls every last aspect down to the tiniest detail - eats the exact same thing for lunch every day, catches the exact same train, buys ticket/s in advance for exactly the same time frame etc ...

In his room - chaos ensues ... it's the place he lets the real him show thru ... dishes, unmade bed, dirty sheets etc ...

[Tincanmike]

Mine collected clothing. Piles and piles of it all over the place. Much of the clothing didn't even fit her anymore. She hated doing dishes. I would try and catch up, but eventually I just gave up. I didn't really have the time to constantly be cleaning up after her.  Our house was a disaster.  Once in a while we would clean together, but it would be an all day project.  Her vehicle was also always loaded with trash, empty pop bottles, fast food bags. Things would fall out of the door when it was opened.  And strangely enough, like Ironman Falls posted, she would get upset when I would "shed" my hairs in the shower.  Good question on this. I was wondering the same thing. We were like Felix and Oscar.  Our house mirrored our lives, cluttered and messy.

[LilMissSunshine]

My uexBPDbf's office is comfortable, neat, organized and spotless.  However his house was always a mess.  He was into "home improvement"  and had many unfinished projects going on.  Complete chaos.  I asked him once if we could finish one project before starting another and he looked at me like I was out of my mind.  He saved everything as well.  It was difficult to get him to get rid of "junk".  He too constantly "forgot" things.  I actually got him into the habit of chanting, "keys, wallet, phone" before he left his house.  He was one person at work, and a totally different person at home.

[Mutt]

My ex was messy. She was a stay at home mom and hung out at the PA at school instead. Almost nothing ever got done. I would have to do chores, cleaning etc... .when I got home from work or wasn't working.

Having said that, I've seen some people that aren't PD and are just as messy.

[Ironmanrises]

Mine collected clothing. Piles and piles of it all over the place. Much of the clothing didn't even fit her anymore. She hated doing dishes. I would try and catch up, but eventually I just gave up. I didn't really have the time to constantly be cleaning up after her.  Our house was a disaster.  Once in a while we would clean together, but it would be an all day project.  Her vehicle was also always loaded with trash, empty pop bottles, fast food bags. Things would fall out of the door when it was opened.  And strangely enough, like Ironman Falls posted, she would get upset when I would "shed" my hairs in the shower.  Good question on this. I was wondering the same thing. We were like Felix and Oscar.  Our house mirrored our lives, cluttered and messy.

This whole nightmare gets stranger and stranger. Even the things that you would think no one else experienced, and presto, someone else on here went through too.

[ScotisGone74]

Keep in mind a lot of people are messy, or run out of time to clean their house sometimes, or just get over run with work to do... .but mine was in her mid twenty s,no kids, had one job she worked less than forty hours week at, and at the end was complaining to her mother that she just needed help or someone to come clean her small 2 bedroom apartment every week, that it was just too much for her to have to keep up with   Lol.       

The other thing was that I have major allergies and she kept this little dog of hers inside at all times, not a big problem as he didn't trigger my allergies very often, but the main issue was that she kept this dog in her bedroom with a gate while she was gone and he would constantly crap and urinate all over her small bathroom floor, it was distguisting, and then when I would say how nasty it was or about cleaning up she would complain that I hated her dog and he was the only one there that didn't leave her-touche. 

[Pretty Woman]

Mine saved everything.  She saved a calendar entry from when she was supposed to move in with her ex (from 2005). She saved notes, letters, cards and pictures. 

I knew I'd been painted black when everything was thrown at me.  She threw out everything.

In her closet were boxes of junk.  She lives in a studio so she would cram everything in it. What I found weird is she even tossed out a drawing I scribbled out if boredom... .I mean she kept everything... .things I didn't even know about. 

[Tincanmike]

Mine collected clothing. Piles and piles of it all over the place. Much of the clothing didn't even fit her anymore. She hated doing dishes. I would try and catch up, but eventually I just gave up. I didn't really have the time to constantly be cleaning up after her.  Our house was a disaster.  Once in a while we would clean together, but it would be an all day project.  Her vehicle was also always loaded with trash, empty pop bottles, fast food bags. Things would fall out of the door when it was opened.  And strangely enough, like Ironman Falls posted, she would get upset when I would "shed" my hairs in the shower.  Good question on this. I was wondering the same thing. We were like Felix and Oscar.  Our house mirrored our lives, cluttered and messy.

This whole nightmare gets stranger and stranger. Even the things that you would think no one else experienced, and presto, someone else on here went through too.


Ironman, not sure if you're the one who mentioned Medusa, but my wife and myself came up with that nickname for her.  When she woke up in the morning her hair would look like Medusa's.  Later the nickname had a whole new meaning for me.  When she would go into one of her rages/episodes I felt like I couldn't even look her in the eyes, she truly became another person, face glazed over. Very scary.

[Ironmanrises]

Mine collected clothing. Piles and piles of it all over the place. Much of the clothing didn't even fit her anymore. She hated doing dishes. I would try and catch up, but eventually I just gave up. I didn't really have the time to constantly be cleaning up after her.  Our house was a disaster.  Once in a while we would clean together, but it would be an all day project.  Her vehicle was also always loaded with trash, empty pop bottles, fast food bags. Things would fall out of the door when it was opened.  And strangely enough, like Ironman Falls posted, she would get upset when I would "shed" my hairs in the shower.  Good question on this. I was wondering the same thing. We were like Felix and Oscar.  Our house mirrored our lives, cluttered and messy.

This whole nightmare gets stranger and stranger. Even the things that you would think no one else experienced, and presto, someone else on here went through too.


Ironman, not sure if you're the one who mentioned Medusa, but my wife and myself came up with that nickname for her.  When she woke up in the morning her hair would look like Medusa's.  Later the nickname had a whole new meaning for me.  When she would go into one of her rages/episodes I felt like I couldn't even look her in the eyes, she truly became another person, face glazed over. Very scary.

Yes, truly scary indeed. I saw that face when she ripped into me for leavin a hair of mine in the bathtub. Like she was truly disgusted with me. Another crime of mine besides loving her, I guess. I later saw that face my last few horrific days in her house. It has been burned into my brain. Medusa, her godawful other side.

[Iwalk-Heruns]

Mine was meticulously clean. He used to kid he was OCD. He was a freak about food being fresh too. I mean way before the date he would throw things out.

I believe it was his way of controlling things in his life because everything else felt out of his control.

Strangely enough his truck was kind of a mess though. Hadn't cleaned it in months when I had to ride in it. That is until the day he dumped me. Had to clean it up for the new girl!

[ugghh]

Mine stbxw finally started fitfully trying to clean about a month before I moved out after 25 years of putting up with her hoarding tendencies.  In actual moment that almost sounded like truthfulness she admitted that it was almost painful for her to throw things out and that she needed someone to sit with her to do it, almost like a child.  She indeed hoarded everything from every single thing she ever started, literally filled a half a room with fabric when she was on the sewing binge, including little cut scraps of fabric.  10 years later they still sat there.  Piles, piles, piles oh my piles everywhere. 

Mail, catalogs, spices, empty packages, hair and bath products, plastic bags, clothes everywhere.   Not an empty horizontal surface in the whole house.

Whenever I offered to throw away or start cleaning she would rage like I was literally throwing away a piece of her.  When I left for the last time, I think we had 20 different hair products in the shower, I had just helped her carry what had to be 70 pairs of pants up to the bedroom from the dining room table where they had sat for over a year and actually got her to throw away the Xmas cards on the floor of our bedroom from 1994!

Of course she always blamed me for her clutter and hoarding, saying that I was so tight with money that she was afraid to throw things away.  I listened for too many years until therapy helped me recognize that was her distorted reality.

[MovingOnForLife]

Being messy isn't a BPD trait specifically, but for someone with an unstable sense of self and living in perpetual mental chaos it's not a stretch.

I don't have BPD but my house was a disaster. But thats because my not soon enough to be xBPDh destroyed my self esteem and made me feel totally worthless.  He also keep me living in his perpetual mental chaos.

[MovingOnForLife]

Mine collected clothing. Piles and piles of it all over the place. Much of the clothing didn't even fit her anymore. She hated doing dishes. I would try and catch up, but eventually I just gave up. I didn't really have the time to constantly be cleaning up after her.  Our house was a disaster.  Once in a while we would clean together, but it would be an all day project.  Her vehicle was also always loaded with trash, empty pop bottles, fast food bags. Things would fall out of the door when it was opened.  And strangely enough, like Ironman Falls posted, she would get upset when I would "shed" my hairs in the shower.  Good question on this. I was wondering the same thing. We were like Felix and Oscar.  Our house mirrored our lives, cluttered and messy.

This whole nightmare gets stranger and stranger. Even the things that you would think no one else experienced, and presto, someone else on here went through too.

Me too!  My pwBPD would freak out if there was hair in the shower drain.  However his shavings in the sink never bothered him.  Go figure.

[necchi]

It's trait from a comorbidity .

mine was tidy,

[Pretty Woman]

Moving On,

My house too! Each time she dumped me my world fell apart.  I could never keep up.  Now I am depressed and it's still falling apart.  I am trying to start cleaning tonight.  It's crazy how disorganized our lives become with these people. 

[necchi]

HEart angel,  me to when depress and my ADD before i worked on it.

But never filthy,never disgusting. Messy, disorganized. Hey when you have so much in your head, there is no time left for being a tidy bee!

? Do you feel you are doing any better? Its frequent that one is feeling stuck in all this. And its avoidable pretty easily considering our turmoil

[fromheeltoheal]

Moving On,

My house too! Each time she dumped me my world fell apart.  I could never keep up.  Now I am depressed and it's still falling apart.  I am trying to start cleaning tonight.  It's crazy how disorganized our lives become with these people. 

Yes, and cleaning our house is a tangible way to take care of ourselves.  I was never super tidy, but after my BPD 'experience' life fell apart for me too; think all of the kitchen counters covered with fast food containers and old mail.

But the backlash as I'm healing has been extreme.  My entire house is clean and I've thrown away stuff I didn't need and have been hording for years, and all of that makes me feel better about myself.  The key was not thinking about it and just doing it, and the payoff came later.  

[Pretty Woman]

When I met my ex I had just moved suddenly so lots to go through. She kept wanting to move in and there was so much to do.  After my day job I was exhausted. 

When she dumped me she said I never was on the present with her.  There was some truth to that.  I just felt so pulled in many directions.  I would sleep a lot and she would say it was because I wasn't gay and I wasn't into her.  I think she was depressing me.  I wanted a girlfriend not to be a caregiver.  I couldn't meet her needs and when I thought things were good she would abandon me.  I was always waiting for the shoe to drop. 

It really f'd with my head. 

All my close friends tell me she is crazy that a 42yo wouldn't treat someone like this. 

Still depresses me.  I keep blaming myself because she did even if it isn't rational. 

[hurtbyboderline]

Nevertheless, LOL I think your talking about my ex-BPDGF! Everywhere she lived was a disaster! The floors would be covered in cloths, dirty dishes, paperwork & whatever else most folks keep in their draws or in their closet! She couldn't find the pink slip to her motorcycle, sent for a new one & within a day of getting it she lost it again. She finally had to send for another new one! This was true of her credit card, drivers license, etc... .And of course if she couldn't find something it was my fault!   zzz

[eternalbloom]

My ex was the nastiest person I ever met. He lived with his sister so I think she cleaned things for awhile. He had a dog so there were unexplained things that were on the floor hair everywhere never mopped or swept. He had piles of clothes everywhere... .they were erupting all over the place. I remember telling him that I wouldn't stay the night because his house was so dirty. I remember goi g to lay in his bed and find crumbs or hair from other women. Its was gross and I'm a little OCD so it was a nightmare. I told him then if we ever moved in together wed have to hire a Clea ing person. I said this often because the way he lived disgusted me. Our first year together I cleaned up after him and resented him for it. He would just walk in the house and strip leaving clothes in that spot for days. I just bit the bullet ans became his personal maid. He'd raise hell if I said anything in protest. In the past year hes been a little bit better. Hes cleaned up like twice I. 6 months and did the dishes too half way before talking bow disgusting it was a reflection of how disgusting I kept the house I assume. I am the o my caretaker for out toddler so doing things like a deep cleaning have gone to the wayside because my little one needs constant care. Its funny I remember one time going to his old house and seeing a sink full of dirty dishes for weeks. Eventually they had magots. It was gross. I think he moved out that place with the stuff still in the sink. Matter of fact when he moved out he left a bunch of trash, dirt everywhere. In his last place he stayed before he came back to live with me for a few months he left furniture his passport and garbage behind. He never bothered to go get those things at that was around the corner. There's something to that I just dont know what it is.

[fromheeltoheal]

What's going on externally is a reflection of what's going on internally; you can pretty much tell where a person is psychologically by observing how they live.  Gotta admit, I lived in some real sties, of my own making, which were a reflection of my mental state at the time: young, lost, trying and failing to find my way.  And also gotta admit I went there again a little as I got caught up in the borderline craziness; as my head cleans up so does my house.

[mitchell16]

mine was excessively neat in her home. which I am to so it worked good for us both. BUt what is strange is when we would be broke and she would call me to come over and talk her house was a wreck. BUt mine had a OCD side to her.

[Turkish]

My exBPDgf was very much OCD.  Her apartment was always spotless, down to cleaning the trash cans with soap and water every time she took the bag out.  She couldn't sleep if there was even a single dish in the sink, to the point of getting up in the middle of the night to clean that single dish.

On the other hand, my BPD mother is very much a hoarder and her house is cluttered with all manner of things.  Depending on her mood it will also slide into filthy.  So I wouldn't say that hoarding and messy is a clear symptom of BPD but more so the symptom of mental issues, just as someone who is compulsive about cleanliness.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that extremes seem to be a sign of an unhealthy mental state.

We share a lot!  my X  was in one of her cleaning rages. I  vacuumed a  freaking area rug,  more than I  would normally.  She took the vacuum from me and proceeded to re  vacuum it for 3  mins more.  an area rug!  many stories like this... .  my  non BPD  mom,  who dues have some bod traits (or maybe she is... .  starting to rethink everything)  has a  home and property  about like one of the worst episodes of  hoarders. I  can't even stand going into the house.  called her the other day and she said it was 28F  in the house,  same as outside.  refused mess sending help " I'll survive,  you know how it was  Turkish!"  Yeah, I  remember,  and it was all bs  and unnecessary.