The Engagement Ring

[Pretty Woman]

You know, the other day I was almost... .note, ALMOST crazy enough to send my ex her engagement ring, to do with it what she wants. Obviously, I won't give it to anyone else and even though I could size it and wear it it's too painful to look at.

Yeah I had a moment. Then I thought... .well I am not sending this without a note. And then I thought, hmm... .this is exactly what she will "eat up" and feed her need to tell everyone I am nuts and obsessed with her... .

and then the cops will show up with a restraining order after I sent her a $6k ring. 

No, thanks.

It's hard to look at this ring. It's really pretty and I am sure she saw it through her new girlfriend who has a text picture of it before they started dating, well before I knew they were an item.

My ex knew it was in "existence" between one of our several break ups.

It was one of those moments and then I thought again... .I am rewarding someone with a really expensive gift who treated me like shyt? Hence, why I am still on the leaving board and not quite detached yet

I was thinking... .wow, she is in a lot of debt, maybe she can pawn this off... .and then I am thinking, OR she can just get engaged to the new object with it, I wouldn't put it past her. 

Now listen, I am NOT made of money but again, for me it was a symbol of something that did not exist. It is pretty and shiny but our love wasn't and a part of me just doesn't want it in my possession.

So end of story, I ripped up the notes and threw them out with the used kitty litter this morning   I put the ring back in it's pretty, black box and back in the dresser drawer. Eventually, I might donate it or sell it to a couple really in love who can't afford the 6k price tag. I'd love to see something great come of it because it really was picked out with care.

I am laughing as I type this... .if it were a regular relationship that ended you wouldn't have to worry about someone thretening you with a restraining order over something like this.

Something to chew on for sure!

Earth 

[Aw511]

Yeah I had a moment. Then I thought... .well I am not sending this without a note. And then I thought, hmm... .this is exactly what she will "eat up" and feed her need to tell everyone I am nuts and obsessed with her... .

I'm glad you threw the note out with the kitty litter 

Half the reason I am sticking with NC this time is out of pride. I refuse to be one of his "crazy" (according to him) ex-girlfriends who just "can't let go." I will NOT give him any more ammo to paint me this way to his future ex girlfriends, or whoever else he feels like ___ting on me to.

[Pretty Woman]

Aw,

  Me too.  We have a lot of mutual friends. So far she has just told them I am a "beautiful, wonderful woman and it just didn't work out" but the look of disgust on her sister's face when we pass says otherwise.

They have to paint you black to the replacement. It's just how it goes. I figure she will find out for herself.  I am just glad I never mentioned BPD to her. Let her find out, esp since she was cheating with her while we were together.

Some friend, right?

[Aw511]

Mine never blatantly painted his exes black to me, but subtly suggested things, (she was a sweet girl, but a little crazy) or only told me half of the story (can you BELIEVE she still wants to get back together with me after a year and a half). Now I get it. And I suspect his next gf will figure it out for herself too, no matter what he says about me in the beginning.

[Pretty Woman]

Honey,

 Mine told me the one before me was a stalker and she had to change her number and move.

Within a month of dating she is on the phone with this woman, shooting the shyt.

Then down the road when I ask her she tells me this woman was a sex addict and nuts... .but again she split her back to being this overly loving woman who "gives too much".

What the heck.

Then, later THIS year I find out when I came into the picture the two of them were still together and this woman was planning on moving to our state.

Looks like I saved her a move, huh?

[swimjim]

My exBPDgf did call the police and serve me with a restraining order when I bought her a ring. It was all she ever wanted from me until she split me black. You can imagine how I felt.

[bpdspell]

When you're emotionally ready I would certainly sell it.

Sending this ring to your ex would be seen in HER eyes as a major win and you would look like an absolute sucker in her eyes being that she's done nothing to deserve, earn, or have your love. She would also ride the wheels off in terms of boundaries….she'll have zero respect for you... .

You are a good person but no need to be a doormat or a don a superhero cape. Sharing your heart with her was enough and throwing out the note with the kitty litter was your sixth sense protecting and telling you that making that kind of contact would not be worth it.

I've done it before…looking for a reason…any reason to make contact with my ex…its our brains in withdrawal... .

Our ex's are sick, sick, sick people and giving them exorbitant unearned gifts only feeds and fuels their narcissistic entitlement.

Spell

[Perfidy]

Hey earthangel... .What size is it? We could send it to conundrums ex and say it's from me! 

[Pretty Woman]

Yeah,

  I am grateful for this board.  I did not and will not send it.  Positively. 

[arn131arn]

I saw the title of this post and I just HAD to respond.

I spent an entire year of my life saving for this damn rock I gave my ex fiancee.  All she did was use it to torture me.  If we argued, then she would throw it... .Literally, throw the $7,000 thing down the street, I would be in pitch dark on my hands and knees in the middle of the street with my car lights on finding it during the middle of the night!

Well, I knew she was about to split.  She was bolting, she hadn't slept in my bed in about six months, and I knew after she was done with school, she would leave.  She stopped wearing it, which always made me feel unworthy, not good enough, or make me feel like she was on the prowl.  But I was folding clothes one day, and went to put them in my son's drawer and Lo and behold- THE RING!

I took it and NEVER returned it. Actually, gave it to my sister to hold.  I am looking to sell it to pay my child custody attorney what I may end up owing him.

God hates ugly... .