Doncha just love Christmas :(

[damage control]

I haven’t been posting much because things are exactly the same. Well, he and I have fallen into a rhythm of hanging out for 2-3 hours when I get home from work ... but... it’s just more of the same.

He is completely paranoid about our main housemate and spends much of this time ruminating about how he can get back at him, plotting, scheming ... he spends time on google researching laws and by-laws … I am seeing first-hand how much he needs and adversary and how he plots and plans around this – it’s exhausting. He is even convinced that the HM is urinating into his food and is buying a webcam to spy on him … seriously.

He is still telling me (well, he did on Wed) that he feels useless, has nothing to look forward to, hates Sydney, is stressed at his job and at home now etc ... but, he still has not been on the dating site – it’s been over a week now and that ... well ... that I found confusing.

He gets 2 weeks Xmas vacation starting Friday and he told me last night that he was ‘___ing off” for a few days (which I took to mean he was spending the weekend with the replacement) however ... he expanded to says that he is leaving Sydney to go to the Blue Mountains ... and I have to admit, it was like a thin blade into my heart.

You see, he had planned to come over to where I used to live and we were to spend Xmas day and Xmas vacation together ... but, things are going so well with the new woman that they are off to spend a romantic weekend (or more) together, while I will be in the house alone. I didn’t let him see I was hurt, I just answered that a holiday sounded great.

It also explained the lack of dating site presence … he has this little vacation planned and it has given him something to focus upon ... so, in a way, it helped to know. I live in fear that she will be the one with which he gives up the cheating and the obsessive internet trawling for.

I cried just a tiny bit last night in bed but really ... I guess I should not be surprised and I was OK ...

The more time I spend with him the more I realise that he is nothing special and really, not that interesting. However, my adult self is one thing, the child inside just keeps screaming ‘abandonment!’ ...

The good news is that my dog is flying in tomorrow afternoon so I will have her here both over the weekend and for Xmas ... this is no small thing and is helping me to find something to be positive about. And for that I am grateful.

[Perfidy]

DC... . I gotta say... .I really sense your forlornness. My rescuing behavior wants to pull you out of that situation. I'm powerless to do anything about it. You are not though. I really wish you could get away from that situation. I have been reading your posts. I'm glad for you that your dog will be there soon. That should cheer you up. Animals have a way of doing that. I know it's bad for you when my savior complex kicks in. Wish I could save you but I can't. You have to. Wish someone could save me too. It won't happen. I have to. Strength to both of us.

[patientandclear]

DC: I'm essentially in the same place you are, though my ex is in a different city. It's wrenching to realize he is likely spending Christmas, which is so significant to him, with the current woman. Knife to the heart as you said. Meanwhile we only get closer in our correspondence,  that's not enough, but it might be the most he can do over time with someone ... .I just can't figure out what is the best way forward among a bunch of rotten choices.

Let's hope that this time nextyear feels very different from this, somehow, someway. Go glad you're getting your dog. I bet that will help. My cat is a better companion than my erstwhile boyfriend ... .what a verdict.

[damage control]

DC... . I gotta say... .I really sense your forlornness. My rescuing behavior wants to pull you out of that situation. I'm powerless to do anything about it. You are not though. I really wish you could get away from that situation. I have been reading your posts. I'm glad for you that your dog will be there soon. That should cheer you up. Animals have a way of doing that. I know it's bad for you when my savior complex kicks in. Wish I could save you but I can't. You have to. Wish someone could save me too. It won't happen. I have to. Strength to both of us.

Thanks Perdify.

I don't know about being able to save me, but ... well ... I will able to get away ... perhaps that is all I can ask of myself.

Having my dog will help. My housemate is now reluctant to have her because they have bought a kitten ... but ... that's just gonna be 'tough' because she is booked on a flight for tomorrow and they will just have to suck it up.

My dog is very cat/kitten friendly anyway and I am really trying to find a new place for my dog and me ... it's hard due to time and not knowing the city well and some people just never respond to my texts/emails about their sharehouses ... so ... it is taking time. I am trying to be out of there within 2 weeks ... it may or may not happen. If I could take time from work, that would help but if I take time from work - no money to move ... perhaps I do need saving

[damage control]

DC: I'm essentially in the same place you are, though my ex is in a different city. It's wrenching to realize he is likely spending Christmas, which is so significant to him, with the current woman. Knife to the heart as you said. Meanwhile we only get closer in our correspondence,  that's not enough, but it might be the most he can do over time with someone ... . I just can't figure out what is the best way forward among a bunch of rotten choices.

Let's hope that this time nextyear feels very different from this, somehow, someway. Go glad you're getting your dog. I bet that will help. My cat is a better companion than my erstwhile boyfriend ... .what a verdict.

I am so sorry to hear that you are in the same boat P+C. It's really tough to swallow isn't it. To think of him/them making 'Xmas' memories with somebody... .cuts to the bone.

I highlighted the sentence above in your post because I wanted to ask you: not enough for who? if this is all he can manage with you ... and it's not enough ... are you going to keep it up?

I am excited about my dog - worried about leaving her for work next week because she will have a brain-meltdown and bark while I am gone until she has had time to understand that I have not abandoned her/left her again. I don't want this to become an issue for the others that live there, so, I am worried.

But I have a few days to settle her in and will do my best to get her used to it.

Did I mention that my ex offered for me to use his bed while he is away? My room is getting lit up like a Xmas tree at night because I have leadlight in the walls and the others sit in the room right next to mine with the lights on ... but, seriously ... use his bed while he is gone? ... what new madness/torture is this?

[redkong]

DC - hug your dog tight when she arrives - you probably both need it.  I really feel for you and your whole situation.   It sounds like you are resolved to take care of yourself and your dog and to find a new healthy home for both of you.  This must be your priority.  Maybe the kitten and barking issues will give you added motivation to search harder for new housing?  Sometimes it's easier to make changes that will help someone else (including our beloved animal friends).

Hugs to you and your pup... .you are not alone here.

[damage control]

Thanks RK ...

It really is motivation to find somewhere else. I can and often will put up with a lot but when it is something or someone I care about, my motivation kicks in for sure.

I have been trying for housing for a couple of weeks but it's just so damn hard given my work and lack of city area/s and ability to get around.

The main tenant gave me a 'lecture' just a few moments ago about how I am now 'in breach' of their lease and how if the dog 'happens' to bite anybody, he will be deported ... .given that he was the one that told me a few weeks back that it would be fine to bring the dog here, I am a bit gobsmacked ... as for the biting/deportation ... well ... now I am living with 2 paranoid males ... fun, fun, fun.